


Just A Momentary Thing

by ErynQ



Category: Veronica Mars (TV), Veronica Mars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Banter, F/M, Family Loss, Fix-It, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, LoVe at the gym, Logan Lives, Parallels, Season 4 needs explanation, Wakes & Funerals, why is Veronica a b?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-01-04 02:16:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 55,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21189920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ErynQ/pseuds/ErynQ
Summary: For everyone else it's just a momentary thingThe Before and After of an event that shook Veronica's universe and changed herA fix-it attempting to explain and give reason for Season 4 Veronica.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ ME 
> 
> When I watched Season 4 I found that I did not recognize this version of Veronica and my first thought was that the writers forgot who she was and didn't do their homework. I decided it only made sense that she has regressed due to some unresolved trauma. It starts with a prologue and then we will go between the ‘before’ and ‘after’ of an event that will shake Veronica's universe. There is a lot to unpack here but I will explain everything in upcoming chapters. 
> 
> I want anyone who reads this to know that this is coming from a place of deep respect and honesty. It is a topic that has had an imprint on my life and I find myself always coming back to it. If you are triggered by loss please be aware that in my attempt to keep this real, there is some sadness to be expected. As in real-life there is sunshine and happiness too here as these are characters that I love so we will end up in LoVe. Please note tags above details/warnings. Thank you for reading this! 
> 
> I need to thank everyone that I poured over this idea with who gave me the courage to post it. Thanks Amy for all your hard work in the early chapters! LoveObsessed2 thanks for being a champ and a great person to bounce ideas with! MarshmellowBobcat, thanks for being there! Aurora2020 thank you for dedicating so much time to me. You’re always there when I need you and I'm truly amazed by your support.

Just a Momentary Thing

Chapter 1

Prologue

September 2018

It rained all evening and into the morning. The dark clouds and overcast sky made it look like it was night rather than the early hours of the morning. The chill in the air added an extra layer of misery. It was fitting because misery was exactly the word Veronica would use to describe the day. If her father hadn’t talked her into this, this day would have unraveled the same way the last five days had unraveled. She would have laid in bed until noon, watched day-time television, pretended she was fine then cried when no one was looking.

The coverings on the large windows of the apartment did little to conceal the dread. Every few minutes a bolt of light lit up the clouds and it was like the universe was delivering its deepest sympathy. A short time ago she would stand outside on the balcony, and watch the early morning surfers while she drank her coffee. Today the beach was desolate, the sand was speckled with dents from the rain drops.

Veronica contorted her body to see her back in the bathroom mirror as she struggled to zip up her dress. Quiet conversation could be heard from the living-room and she was tempted to call for help when she figured she’d snagged the zipper on the fabric. Upon close inspection she realized it hadn’t snagged. The zipper had reached the highest point possible. It didn’t fit. _Are you kidding me? _

She took a deep calming breath and stood still for a moment trying to keep herself from having a full on meltdown. Screaming that she wasn’t leaving the house before rushing back to her bedroom to put her sweatpants back on. She felt like an idiot for ever thinking it would fit. Instead of the modest and appropriate black dress she had laid out the night before, she had to wear a blush colour that felt altogether too cheery for the worst day Neptune had ever seen.

As soon as she arrived at the venue, the clouds disappeared and the sun was shining happily. The concrete pathways which had been soaked, shiny and a gloomy grey colour were now bright, white and completely dry. The chilly wind had transformed into a soft warm breeze that blew around the scent of thriving garden flowers. The weather no longer matched her mood and it felt like a betrayal. Veronica looked out the floor to ceiling window to the courtyard and watched as everyone in their Sunday-best arrived. They all did the same thing. They arrived. Then stood outside chatting quietly. It was truly beautiful and would make for a picturesque wedding or a lovely, summer garden party but people were not gathering to celebrate anything today. She watched Wallace and Shae meet up with Mac. Air kisses and hugs before frowns and perfunctory conversations, probably about how Mac’s flight was or how beautiful the grounds were. Awkward small talk about whether they should go inside or wait outside a little longer. Questions about how she was and if anyone had seen her.

“Well thank goodness the weather cleared up. It could have made for a real depressing affair,” Veronica glanced down at her dress. A dress that had been in her closet waiting for a certain celebration that would never come.

“You don’t have to make a joke, Honey,” Keith said sadly. He squeezed her arm gently then stretched his arms behind him. His hands linked together as he rocked on the balls of his feet.

“Sure I do,” she said before looking up at the ceiling, her tongue firmly against the roof of her mouth to keep her lip from trembling. He pulled a handkerchief from his suit jacket and tried handing it to her. She wouldn’t take it so Keith took hold of her hand and forced it into her fist. In order to not cause a scene she didn’t fight against it as much as she wanted to.

People she barely knew continued to approach and apologize to her. She crossed her arms wondering how much longer she had to do this. She was annoyed with Keith for manipulating her into thinking this was a necessary occasion. A side table filled up with sympathy cards. She contemplated what the hell she’d do with those. There was no need for keepsakes, this was definitely going to be a day to forget. If only she could fast-forward today. Though, if fast-forwarding through time was possible she’d rather fast-forward through the next year. If time was the only thing that healed then she wished she’d wake up and it would be three hundred and sixty-five days in the future because this last week had been nothing but painful. And as far as she could tell, today wasn’t any better than yesterday or the day before.

Keith stood quietly, his hands still linked behind him. She knew he didn’t know what to say to her either. No one knew what to say to her. People were still arriving when some soft music started playing in the foyer. For some unexplained reason, when Dick arrived she’d had enough. Before she had a chance to get away, a dark-haired middle-aged woman approached, “Hello Veronica,” she took hold of her elbow. Her dad seemed to know her or at least he pretended to but she can’t recall ever seeing this woman in her life. “I am so sorry,...,” her hand made its way to hold Veronica’s, her hands were soft and for a moment she felt comforted when she looks in her eyes. “I can’t even imagine,...” It’s too intense and Veronica felt if she started crying she wouldn’t be able to stop. A fake smile pulled at Veronica’s lips, “Will you please excuse me,” she said before she rushed away from the woman.

It seemed everyone’s eyes were on Veronica as she crossed over the spacious room. The pity was enough to make her sick. Her throat was so sore and she knew she was holding her breath. She walked faster, her heels tapped loudly on the hardwood floor towards the washroom to find some solace. It was times like these that she wished she still carried ‘Out of Order’ signs. She could slap one on the door and give herself some much needed privacy. Before heading into the women’s restroom she changed her mind and went straight for the men’s.

It felt like all the air forced out of her lungs when she saw him. He had been the epitome of a rock, and now she wondered how much of that was a facade. His usual larger than life presence was gone. He was completely wilted. This was supposed to be her last resort to keeping herself off the floor. The sight of him exposed a deep fear she had been pushing out of her mind, her solid ground was all an illusion. He had been pretending the same way she was.

The sound of the door swinging back startled him. He stood up to his usual height. Wiped his eyes quickly with a sniff, then tossed a wad of tissues in the trash before he immediately grabbed a couple fresh ones from the box on the counter.

“Logan?” His back stiffened at her voice and he squared his shoulders. “It’s just me”, she let him know.

When he looked in her direction her heart sunk further. His eyes were so red, they looked incredibly painful. “Hey,...” he sounded more upbeat than she expected. The voice didn't match his look in the least, “,...ready?” he asked with a soft smile. Why did he feel the need to do that? It was like he could read her mind. She needed him to keep her steady and he instinctively knew that meant he had to hide.

“Not yet,” she answered and approached closer, he nodded and looked back at his reflection in the mirror with another sniff. “Do you need anything? I can bring you some water or something if you want to stay here,” again, his voice was even and didn’t match his appearance. She shook her head no.

“Okay, I'll just be a minute,” he said making her nod shyly. She wondered if he was asking her to leave.

“Ok,” she swallowed smoothing out her dress. “Umm,..._Dick is here_,” She didn’t know why she thought that would comfort him. With that new knowledge, Logan’s hand immediately went up to cover his eyes, his face scrunched and his shoulders shrugged up and bounced when he couldn’t stop himself from crying. “_I know_,” her voice cracked before she went straight to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. She felt relieved when his muffled cries stilled and he rested his head against hers. His arms reached around and squeezed her tightly against him.

“,..._don’t want to do this_,” he whispered.

“_Me either_,” she agreed before she buried her head in his chest seeking comfort only he could provide.

When they both emerged from the restroom, they noticed more people had arrived. Veronica didn’t think they knew this many people. She suspected a lot of them were Logan’s comrades who all arranged to attend without his invitation. Veronica noticed Mac’s eyes from across the room. Mac smiled softly, sadly but didn’t rush to her friend like she wanted to. Mac had tried to visit Veronica at home the day she arrived in Neptune but that had been a particularly bad day.

It started out when a neighbor dropped off a seafood casserole. It was supposed to be a nice gesture, a meal so they didn’t have to cook. Veronica tore the top off the casserole dish and dumped the entire thing in the trash before furiously cleaning it for courteous return. Keith had tried stopping her while she sanitized the counter and anything else that might have been contaminated by shellfish. “He can’t eat that!” she cried. Tears had left streaks all the way down to her chin while she laid in bed eavesdropping on Logan who was on the phone with Mac. He told her that it wouldn’t be the best time for a visit and he would see her on Sunday. “She’s just really tired,” he said softly. “she knows, Mac,” he said. “Thank you. Yeah I know. Thank you.”

About an hour later Veronica’s phone chimed with a text message from Mac that simply read, There’s a Mama Leone’s lasagna, with your name on it, sitting on the porch. I love you xoxo - Mac

Veronica now approached Mac. Neither said a word, before Mac enveloped her in a protective hug. Veronica melted into the friend she hadn’t seen in months. They only pulled from their hug when the room had cleared out considerably. People had been funneling into a room with lined up chairs. Logan approached Veronica and warmly greeted Mac, “Hey Mac,” he smiled gently.

“Hey you,” she tilted her head to the side with a teary grin trying to fight the sore feeling in her throat and the pain she was feeling for her best-friend. Logan inhaled sharply and his eyes rolled up to the ceiling to try and keep composure. At that moment someone gave Logan a gentle shove, he wasn’t surprised to see who it had been. Dick gave his grieving friend a serious nod before going to the room to find a seat.

Wallace tapped Veronica on the shoulder and they hugged while Logan hugged Shae. They switched and Shae smiled softly at her friend, “Hey sweetie,” It was as if Veronica’s body responded alone when Shae hugged her, she stiffened and pulled away quickly finding relief in Logan. The music began to swell to a more noticeable volume. Veronica and Logan linked arms, then walked into the room. She noticed the beautiful easel was positioned at the entrance. It was like a sharp knife dug into her heart. “_uh God_,..,” She turned into his shoulder at the sight of it.

Riley Lane Mars

August 20th 2018 - August 30th 2018

The next morning she got out of bed earlier than usual, it wasn’t like she was sleeping anyway with the same ‘what if’ thoughts running through her mind. Her dad was wrong, there was no closure. The worst part of all had to be when the funeral director went on a tangent about celebrating life, she could practically feel Logan’s jaw clench in anger. She also couldn’t help but be hurt that her mom hadn't shown up. 

She walked over to a pile of cards on the counter and tossed them into the recycling bin. She pulled her robe on and walked to the kitchen. Logan was already gone. He was usually up and at it by five am and out the door no later than six. She could see his surf-board out in the water. She tied her robe, opened the sliding glass door, and went out on the balcony to get a better look. She couldn’t remember a time Logan went out for waves as pathetic as these. She could barely see any waves at all but she could see him sitting on his board. When she saw him paddle in towards the shore, she went back to the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee. She poured two cups, cream and sugar for her, black for him and glanced at the photos still left on the fridge. She wasn’t sure she would ever be able to take them down. She brought her mug towards her lips and glanced back outside wondering what was taking him so long. Veronica’s heart sank when she noticed he was now sitting in the sand facing the water. He was wearing a sweater and his hooded head rested between his knees. Pony nudged her in the leg and she dropped down to his level and sat on the floor. “Hey buddy,” she smiled softly and gave him a rub between the ears. “He’ll be back soon,” she cuddled him closer. "_He'll be ok soon_," 


	2. Then and Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who took the time to leave kudos and reviews for the last chapter i’m so thankful that someone actually wants to read my ideas about OOC Veronica. I hope this is okay. Again I have plans for this story to be many things. It won’t be entirely sad but that is where we're headed so please refrain from reading if you think it might be too upsetting. 
> 
> Please take note that each chapter will be parallels split between before and after the funeral. Eventually the 'Now' portion will cover season 4. Some things won’t be completely clear right off the hop but if you stick around some of the things i’ve set in motion will be brought up again. This chapter has some smut. Underage LoVe smut to be exact. If that's not your thing please don't read it. I will admit that it isn’t my specialty but I gave it a go! I’m very sorry about Pony being a boy but once I saw him, he became canon in my mind. Thank you to everyone who let me bounce ideas and helped edit this chapter :) LoveObsessed and Chikabiddy you're dolls!

MARCH 2018

THEN

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

There had never been a time when Mars Investigations had been slower or less interesting. Veronica had been spending her time hunting down dead-beat dads to collect past due child support and confirming that the trophy wife’s nightly outing was indeed of the salacious variety. Still, Veronica would never complain about steady and straightforward work after the Grace Manning case. That particular case had been depleting and weighed heavy on her heart. Truth be told, she would not be upset if she had never had to deal with something that all encompassing again. Veronica knew she would gladly spend the rest of her career searching for missing pets if she never had to investigate a rape case again. 

The typical and mundane might have been okay for Veronica but she knew it was a waste of Mac’s talents. And when her friend and coworker finally handed in her notice she could not say she was surprised. 

“Istanbul!” Veronica exclaimed. 

She usually liked to fully focus on her Skype calls with Logan but he had caught her off guard while she was in the middle of cooking breakfast.

“The job is in Istanbul? You’re kidding!” 

“Not kidding! I knew she wouldn’t be working at MI forever but I didn’t think she’d actually leave the country.” 

She turned away from the screen to whisk something vigorously. 

“Sounds like it’ll be a good gig for her.” 

“Yeah, she’s overqualified for us. And she’s probably bored out of her mind. We’ve been unusually quiet.” 

“You must be bouncing off the walls without something to stick your nose in.” 

He sounded amused. 

“The walls!” Her eyes shined. “I could paint the walls!” She kept whisking. 

“After fifteen years that corn-chowder yellow was really starting to grow on me.” 

“Painting would definitely be more interesting than organizing old, unsolved cases and trying to digitize my dad’s old files.” 

“Your dad is finally getting with the times?” he asked. 

“Not exactly.” She focused her attention on her plate now. “I’ve been starting the process behind his back.” She flashed him a toothy smile. “The man will eat a six day old lasagna but computers he doesn’t trust. You know when the old guy retires i’m going to be stuck with files going back to 1987.” 

She thought for a moment before commenting, “Wait, I just thought of a great idea,” she said, smiling. 

“I can spend _ my leave _ working for you!” he answered with fake enthusiasm. 

“Working _ with _ me,” she corrected. “Think of how exciting it would be to work together.” Her eyes widened as she moved the laptop and her plate to the other side of the counter so she could eat. “We could take off for afternoon delight any time we want.” She winked. 

“As exciting as that sounds...I’m more suited to work in the field than I am in an office.” 

“That’s what they all say.” She shook her head. “But you’ll come to find it's scanning, collating and hole-punching that’s the most rewarding.” She brought her laptop screen down so the camera focused on her breakfast. “Jealous?” 

Logan’s eyes focused on her breakfast creation; eggs benedict complete with a perfectly executed hollandaise sauce. 

“You made that?” he asked in amazement. 

“I did.” She looked at the screen and smiled proudly. 

Veronica was never far from Logan’s mind when he was deployed. Often he felt guilty for giving her this life. Another dinner alone, another wedding where she took Mac as her plus one. 

He had many sleepless nights during the first couple years of this life together. His mind went to dark places when they went long periods without communicating. He had often geared himself up for what he considered an inevitable conversation. A conversation that started with four words that would crumble his entire world. _ “We need to talk.” _

And that would be it. She’d slip through his fingers again. The best part of him gone all because his presence always had an expiry date. 

Three years in and that conversation never came. Three years in and still that gorgeous face answered his call with a perfect smile. 

“Beautiful.” 

“It took a few tries but I think I nailed it.” 

“I wasn’t talking about your breakfast,” he said seriously. 

The screen pixelated for a moment and she feared she was losing connection with him. 

“No! No, no, no.” 

She used her fork to punctuate every word and held her breath like she was casting some kind of magic spell. She had been waiting for this call all week. 

Finally the screen became clear and she exhaled with relief. She despised when their call dropped before she had a chance to tell him she loved him. It had been that way ever since she watched Logan serve as pallbearer at a military funeral. Every time she heard Skype trying to connect she felt a pang of relief. The bubbly ringtone was the most beautiful music to her ears.

“I’m back!” he announced. 

“Just in case you drop off again, I love you. I love you. I love you,” she declared as she blew him kisses. 

“Tell me something I don’t know,” he teased. 

“You know, I could just leave you stranded tomorrow.” 

She raised her brows. 

“You’d never do that. You love me too much,” he smirked before turning serious. “I love you and I can’t wait to see you.” 

“Soon, my love.” She smiled softly. “Where are you?” she asked inconspicuously, tapping her fork gently against her lips. 

With a joyous voice, he answered sarcastically, “The happiest place on Earth!” 

“Haha. I know you’re not in Disneyland. Can’t blame a girl for trying.” She rolled her eyes and chewed. “Hey, I was thinking about your birthday,” she said with a grin. 

“I think Dick got us passes for Huntington Beach.” 

“Oh.” 

“If you have something else planned i’ll just tell him no,” Logan reassured when he sensed her disappointment. 

“No. I mean...you should go. Why would you want to spend your birthday with your girlfriend and your dog when you can rub shoulders with surf pros and twenty year-old sponsor models in bikinis?” 

“Hey! They wear rash guards too.” 

“Sure, sure.” She rolled her eyes. 

Logan’s eyes glanced up. “Hey, I have to go,” he said. 

Veronica pouted. “Pony, say bye to daddy!” She tilted the computer to frame the sleeping dog. 

“Bye Po’,” he chuckled when Pony’s ears perked up at the sound of his voice. 

“Ok, well-” she trailed off and frowned looking at the screen. 

“Stop that. I’m going to be home tomorrow.” 

“I love you.” She blew him a kiss. 

“Love you.” He lifted his hand to catch it. 

“OH! Be careful!” 

“Good thing you reminded me!” he rolled his eyes playfully. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Ok byeeeee.” 

“OK. Byyee.” 

He waved as the conversation window closed out. Veronica finished her breakfast and tried to think of ways to tempt Logan to spend his birthday at home. 

She was proud of her cool girlfriend reputation but there was nothing that could make that green jealousy monster creep in like Logan going to a surf championship. Even worse, going to a surf championship with perpetually single Dick Casablancas. 

A loud, slurping sound came from the hall. Veronica raced down to find Pony drinking out of the toilet. 

“No no no no,” she reprimanded the huge dog who was now sloshing toilet water all over the floor. “That’s what I get for leaving the lid up I suppose,” she sighed before chasing after him with a towel. 

When she knelt down to wipe his jowls she noticed something on the floor. 

“What is this?” She grabbed for the slobbery mess of fabric. “Pony!” she said in a warning tone. 

It had been one of her favourite black leather boots. The zipper had been torn out, the leather frayed, heel chewed beyond recognition. Pony’s ears dropped in guilt when she showed him the shoe. He turned around and curled into a ball. 

“Oh Po’... you just wait until your dad gets home mister.” 

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

Veronica always loved picking Logan up when he was home from a deployment. The families and couples reuniting had been so romantic and heartwarming. She had been buzzing with excitement the entire drive to San Diego and almost picked a fight with the gate attendant for taking too long to verify her license. 

“Hey there.” 

He approached Veronica who was wearing sunglasses and leaning up against his car. 

“Hey,” she smirked. 

His bag slipped off his shoulder and landed on the ground before he wrapped his arms around her. 

“VERONICA!” 

Veronica looked over Logan’s shoulder and saw Kevin Ricks’ wife Natalie and their whole brood approaching. 

“Hey guys!” She smiled, letting go of Logan and positioning her sunglasses on her head. 

On most days she’d be thrilled to see the Ricks family but she had been disappointed she hadn’t had a chance to kiss Logan hello first. 

“How’s it going?” Veronica hugged Kevin while Logan faked injury after eight-year old Kyle and six year-old Emily both gave him a high-five. 

“How are you?” Natalie side hugged Veronica making sure not to crush one year-old, Olivia who was held to her hip. 

Kevin and his wife Nat had become really good friends over the last year and a half. Without getting into too much unwanted detail, Kevin made it known to Veronica that Logan had saved his life in the middle of a firefight some years back. 

Nat had always wanted to meet Logan and it had finally happened when Veronica was back in the picture. Natalie had reminded Veronica of Parker; effervescent, sweet and bubbly but she had been more salt of the earth. She and Logan had developed a sweet relationship hinged on wellness and clean eating. 

Veronica and Kevin had a relationship built upon teasing their spouses for their clean eating and shared a love of chocolate cake and meatball subs. The first time she met Kevin he told her that Logan was responsible for Nat being pregnant with Olivia. Veronica, who was mildly alarmed, and asked him to repeat himself. 

Kevin had doubled over laughing when he realized how it sounded. He had explained plainly that they wanted him to be her godfather since her existence would not be possible if Logan hadn’t saved his life on the fateful day. 

Later, Veronica had pressed Logan for more information. How close of a call? Did you put your life at risk to save him? Was anyone else hurt? Were you injured? Of course he expertly dodged every question all while claiming it was for her own good. 

Logan wordlessly held his hands out for his goddaughter and Nat handed her off easily. “Hello, look how big you are,” he smiled sweetly at her and tucked her into his side. 

“Right? I've been gone a month and she looks completely different.” Kevin tickled her chin. 

“Nice car!” Kyle commented raking his eyes over the BMW. 

Logan opened the door with his free hand. “Care to take it for a spin?” he asked the eight year-old. 

Kyle excitedly climbed into the driver’s seat. 

“Hey, fill her up when you’re done!” Veronica called out, earning her a giggle from Kyle. 

Emily tugged on her mother’s shirt until Nat leaned down so she could hear her daughter’s whisper. She had been so shy, it reminded Veronica of how she was with her dad at that age. She had met Veronica a handful of times but had yet to become as comfortable as her older brother.

“Ask V,” Nat urged her daughter to speak for herself. The six year-old twisted her body around nervously, ‘Go on,” she tried again. 

“I promise, I don’t bite,” Veronica bent down to her level, “Ask me anything.” 

She offered a warm smile to the child. Still Emily hid behind her mom unable to form words. 

“I’m going to guess she wants to know about Pony,” Natalie said. “She has not stopped talking about him since you got him.”

“Oh!” Veronica smiled brightly. “Pony is huge now.” She lifted her hand to show how tall he had gotten. “He doesn’t even fit in the car. That’s why I couldn’t bring him,” 

“Hey, If you don’t have plans, I'm throwing Logan a birthday party next weekend.” 

She looked up at Nat expectantly. 

“You are?” Logan looked confused. 

She stood up and gave him a gentle pinch. 

“So you can come and see Pony then,” she told Emily. 

They caught up for a little while until Kevin was yawning. “It’s been a slice V but I’ve been up for probably,” he checked his watch, “twenty four hours straight and have to get to bed.” 

He held out his arms for the baby. Logan kissed Olivia on the forehead before handing her to her dad. 

“So does this guy,” Veronica said as she took hold of Logan’s arm. _ So do we. _

_ “ _I can’t make any promises about keeping the house quiet, this one is teething,” Nat said to her husband. 

“Well I'd offer you to come stay with us but it won’t be much better. Spring break should be in full swing and we have Air BNBers below us,” Logan explained with irritation in his voice. 

“Rough!” Kevin commented. 

“You can understand how we don’t exactly have sympathy for you when you’re living literally steps from the ocean,” Nat said. 

“Careful Natalie our Mid-West is showing,” he teased his wife. 

“Okay Kyle, give Veronica her car back,” Nat opened the door. 

“That’s _ my _ car!” Logan pointed his thumb at himself. 

“Yeah sure,” Nat smiled. 

She knew Veronica had claimed it for her own and poor Logan was stuck driving her car that he somewhat affectionately referred to as the “Blue Nothing”.

“Thanks for the joy-ride,” Kyle said.

“Did you fill it up?”

“To the brim!” he quipped, making Veronica laugh. 

“We will see you on the weekend! Don’t bring anything, I’ve got it all!” 

“There will be cake right?” Kevin called out. 

“Hell yeah there’ll be cake!” 

“Hey,” Logan nudged her for her b-list curse word. 

“Oops,” she covered her mouth. 

“Just checking. I wasn’t sure if Mouth eats the same dairy-free, gluten- free, sugar-free garbage that Nat eats.” 

“I’m going to make him a tiny one. I figure I'll just give it to him and let him go nuts,” Veronica snorted. 

Finally in the car, Logan leaned in and brushed his lips over hers in a kiss so gentle and soft she wanted to cry in frustration. 

“God I missed you,” he said while leaning over the center console, his left hand grasped the steering wheel. 

“I missed you too.” 

She placed both hands on his face and kissed him more eagerly. 

“I was talking to the car...” 

Veronica laughed against his mouth. “So that’s why you insisted on driving,” 

Once they were on the road Veronica had rested her hand on Logan’s knee. He noticed her hand had been slowly creeping up until she made her excitement known by trying to undo his belt. 

“My, my, aren’t we eager.” 

He took his eyes off the road for a second and flashed her an amused expression before he took hold of her wrist and placed her hand back on her lap. Her hunger and penchant for purring was the very reason he gave her the nickname Bobcat. 

“‘The greatest power is often simple patience.’ E Joseph Cossman.” 

Logan tried holding her hand. 

“I wish you had less patience,” she groaned. 

“‘Patience is the art of concealing your impatience.’ Guy Kawasaki.” 

He wiggled his eyebrows.

“You’re not concealing anything.” 

She gave him a firm squeeze through his pants that made him jump in surprise. Veronica laughed when he grabbed her wrist again. 

“How old are you?” he asked. 

“I’m a grown-ass woman who wants to cash-in on the hunky navy guy she picked up,” she whispered seductively, licking her bottom lip. 

“Wait!?,” he took his eyes off the road for a quick glance. A surprised smile spread across his face, “You think I’m hunky?” he asked. 

It was just the kind of smile that melted her. The kind of smile that reminded her of the boy she fell in love with not the man she had been shacking up with. Veronica was thankful she got to experience both the boy and the man version of Logan but sometimes she still mourned the in-between. 

She looked at him lovingly before she gave up on his belt and linked her fingers with his. Ten years wasted on other people but here they were. 

“I hope you know how much I love you,” she said. 

He brought her hand up and pressed a kiss to the back of it. 

When they arrived at their apartment, Pony’s ears lifted with sheer happiness at the sight of his parents. Grabbing the chewed-up tennis ball that was wedged in the corner of the couch, he went straight for Logan. 

“Hi buddy! Hey.” 

He gave him a pat before turning his attention to Veronica. 

_ Sorry Pony, you’ll have to wait, mommy is going to play with daddy first. _

Normally, they barely made it to the bedroom when he returned from a deployment. Clothes were often discarded sloppily. Her shirt might still be on but bunched up around her waist, her breasts would be exposed but her bra still hanging on by one hook or a single strap. Logan’s shirt was usually discarded but his pants often managed to stay on. 

They would go at it on the floor of their bedroom or even in the hallway, sometimes the couch. It never usually lasted long, but couldn’t be more satisfying. After a lengthy time apart the need was at full tilt and they did not bother to take their time.

They probably had sex in every square foot of their apartment but the bedroom was Veronica’s absolute favourite for one reason. The greatest choice Logan ever made, aside from adopting Pony, was that glorious tilted mirror. When he first hung it, she had laughed at him for trying to get the angle just right. 

He went back and forth laying on the bed and getting up to adjust it. Kneeling on the bed, looking at himself from all angles. At first she thought it was typical for his level of vanity to want to watch but himself in the act but eventually she realized the mirror was so he could watch her. 

Veronica wasn’t sure why today was different from their usual reunions but she could tell Logan didn’t want a quickie. They kissed slowly and deliberately while carefully removing clothing and getting up on their bed. Pony had invited himself to join them. 

“Hey hey hey,” Veronica laughed as he pushed himself in between them. 

Logan stared at the dog for a moment feeling defeated. 

“Alllright,” he sighed, pulling Pony off the bed by the collar and leading him out to the hall. “Stay gold Pony-boy,” he said before going back to the bedroom, closing the door behind him. 

Veronica was laying on her side facing him. Saucy smile, messy hair, swollen lips from all his nips and sucks. She couldn’t possibly look sexier to him. 

“Where were we?” 

Logan didn’t waste any time and went straight to her, a hand took hold of the back of her head, he pressed a hard kiss against her lips. 

“You’re here,” she held his face in her hands. 

“I am,” he confirmed with a smile before going back to kissing her. 

“Come up,” he said pulling from a kiss. 

“But I like this,” she said. 

“It wasn’t a request. It was an order.” 

His voice was commanding and the look he was giving her was so purely erotic that she was sure if she was wearing any panties they’d be so wet she could ring them out. 

“Veronica,” he said in a warning tone. “Up,” he ordered again. 

“_ Yes, Sailor.'_

She saluted lazily before she obeyed moved herself exactly where he wanted her. She crawled up the bed and lifted herself to sit on his face. With his head between her thighs, her hands braced herself against the wall, one hand grasping the headboard. 

“Mmm,” he hummed in delight before pressing the tiniest kiss against her that slowly escalated into slow, languorous licks. 

Veronica sighed blissfully between pants, rolling her hips gently against his face. She reached down to run her hands through his hair. When her eyes caught his she found herself peering back into the past again. 

Logan had changed so much but those eyes remained the same. They were the same ones that looked into hers when he made her come for the first time, when she came for the first time ever. 

She could take herself right back with a simple whiff of the same scent Logan had been wearing since junior year. It was the smell of his Ocean drive bedroom. Clean, sandalwood and citrus. It was a weekday. 

They had spent almost every lunch break together when they were secretly dating. Sometimes they actually went out for lunch, sometimes they made-out in the X-terra and sometimes on a Friday they’d go to his house and they’d play hooky, skipping their last class to be together without an audience. 

_ On a particular Friday they were out in the pool. Her barely-there bright, pink bikini was almost too much for him to take. She could tell by the way he looked at her and pulled her towards him. She rested her hands on his shoulders, her legs around his waist, his hands resting on her behind. _

_ In the midst of an incredible make-out session he became brave and slid his hand inside her bikini bottoms and gave her a gentle squeeze as he had many times before. She smiled lightly against his cheek when she felt him slide his hand down and tease her gently. _

_ It was so gradual, it began by feeling like nothing at all and suddenly she was very aware of where he was touching her. Fingers grazing, then he stroked her with the softest, gentlest of touches. _

_ She sucked in a breath, burying her face into his neck as he pressed a little firmer until one of his fingers pushed into her slowly, couldn’t have gone any deeper than an inch and she grasped on to his shoulders as she felt her whole body tingle. _

_ The water was warm but she was shivering. He moved his hand gently and she pressed a hot, open mouthed kiss to his neck hoping he’d be motivated to keep going. His breathing was shallow, she held onto the back of his neck with both hands and kissed him. She had never felt anything so amazing and her body responded beautifully by bucking against his hand. _

_ When his skilled fingers worked up to play with her clit, she instinctively forced her tongue into his mouth and he welcomed it with his own. She wondered if today would be the day they would go all the way. _

_ Logan began to push one of his fingers a little deeper which made her wince slightly at the pressure that unlocked a different kind of pleasure. His hand drew from her abruptly. She felt the loss, and gasped at falling slightly further into the water when he let go. _

_ Logan swam to the side of the pool and put both arms out over the edge. He rubbed his lips against his wrist. _

_ “...Sorry I got a little carried away,” he breathed and smiled softly, almost as if he was ashamed of himself. _

_ He scrubbed a hand over his face to wipe off some of the water then stared into space. Veronica assumed he was trying to calm himself down. She didn’t want him to calm down. She wanted him. She was ready. _

_ She had been dreaming of what if might feel like to have his weight on top of her while he was inside her. He knew how to make her feel good but what she really wanted was for them to both feel good together. _

_ “Hey,” Veronica swam up beside him and pressed a kiss to his shoulder. “I want you to.” _

_ Her eyes peeked up over his shoulder. He turned to look at her, then rested one hand against her neck and the other on her bare waist before leaning in to kiss her. _

_ “Let’s go inside,” she suggested in a whisper. _

_ Logan watched her eyes carefully, then hoisted himself out of the pool. Veronica opted for the steps. She collected both of their towels and handed Logan his. _

_ Veronica led the way into the house towards his bedroom. His dad and Trina had both been gone all day and Logan had mentioned earlier they would be back soon. _

_ Not even the rush of the air-conditioned mansion was enough to cool down the flush in her cheeks . Dripping bathing suits made for a very slippery journey, their bare feet slid on the marble floors all the way down the hall to his room. _

_ Every time she nearly slipped and fell he caught her, grasping on to her bare hips and lifted her gently into the air with so much ease she felt weightless, adored and protected. _

_ When they got inside his room she jumped up on to his bed and dangled her legs at the end. Logan rubbed his towel over his head furiously. _

_ “Hey, you’re going to get my bed all wet,” he warned with a grin. _

_ “Hopefully,” she smiled. “Did you lock the door?” _

_ Logan nodded slowly looking at Veronica as she reached behind her as she loosened her bikini tie. She swallowed nervously knowing he was watching so intently he must have stopped breathing. He looked like a snack, his wet hair sticking out in all directions, his jaw basically on the floor. _

_ He had felt her up many times under her shirt, but he had never seen her topless. Her bikini slipped off and she felt so exposed but also so aroused at the way he looked at her. _

_ The cool air made her nipples stand at attention, stiff and begging to be touched. She was starting to become a little nervous as his eyes locked on hers. _

_ “Come here.” _

_ She patted the space on the bed beside her. Logan went straight for her. They kissed feverishly, his hand squeezing her left breast, the other on the small of her back, until the lack of air made them gasp. _

_ He nuzzled her neck and laid soft and gentle kisses all the way down to her breasts. He looked at her as if asking permission before bringing a nipple into his mouth. _

_ She sighed as he worshiped her. He continued to kiss all the way down her stomach until he reached her bikini bottoms and kissed just above the fabric. _

_ “Can I take these off?” he asked in a whisper. _

_ Veronica nodded and bit her lip. Logan slowly loosened the ties on both sides of her hips and pulled the hot pink, swatch of fabric down her legs. He pressed a kiss a little lower and Veronica shifted and pressed her legs tightly together. _

_ “Come up here.” _

_ She placed her hands on the sides of his face urging him to come up and kiss her. _

_ “I want to stay down here,” he said simply, resting his cheek above her knee. _

_ “Kiss me,” she urged him join her up on the bed. _

_ He ran his hand over her knee, his eyes looked up at her thoughtful and sweet. _

_ “I want to kiss you down here,” he said seriously, making no effort to move from his kneeling position. _

_ “Oh,” she took a breath not expecting that. “You don’t have to.” She shook her head and placed her hands on his shoulders. _

_ “I know,” he smiled. “If you don’t want me to, It’s fine. I just thought you might like it.” _

_ He pressed another kiss to her knee before he gave her the puppy-dog eyes again. _

_ “You think highly of yourself.” _

_ “I’ve never had a complaint.” _

_ The cockiness in his voice would normally cause her to roll her eyes, instead it excited her. _

_ “I just feel kind of...awkward,” she said meekly holding on to her knees. _

_ “It’s just me.” _

_ He looked up at her, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion and feeling thrown by her discomfort. _

_ “I know. It’s not that,” she inhaled. “You’re like...right there and...you’ll see everything,” she said quietly, she covered her eyes feeling so embarrassed. _

_ The mood had shifted so much. _

_ His honey, brown eyes peered up at her in an innocent way. _

_ “Do you trust me?” _

_ “I do. It’s not that. It’s just...I want you to. At least, I think I do,” she swallowed. “It’s just i’ve never never done that before,” she rolled her eyes feeling embarrassed again. _

_ Why was he so determined to start here? Why couldn’t he just turn the lights off and take her virginity while they kissed in the dark like normal teenagers. _

_ “Trust me. Just focus on how good it feels, ok?” _

_ His big hands rubbed up the outside of her thighs. _

_ “I’m not a magic lamp,” she commented. _

_ “First wish.” He raised his index finger into the air. “I want you to open your legs because I'm dying to get down here.” _

_ Veronica laughed and covered her eyes. _

_ “Second Wish is for you enjoy yourself.” _

_ She cringed. _

_ “Third wish is that you’ll enjoy yourself so much you’ll let me do it again.” _

_ His eyes looked big and innocent. _

_ Veronica felt like her skin was on fire just looking at him down there, her heart had responded by beating quickly and she sensed excitement. She leaned down and kissed him hard, his soft lips kissed her back and she moaned into his mouth. _

_ “Do you have a condom?” she asked, hoping she could change his mind. _

_ Somehow this felt too intimate. _

_ Logan shook his head with ease. _

_ “No,. _

_ He nuzzled the skin at the top of her knee. She felt like he was lying. _

_ “I don’t believe you,” she challenged as he came up to sit with her on the bed. _

_ “I have condoms,” he said honestly before he pulled the blanket from the side of the bed and wrapped it over her shoulders. _

_ Veronica knew it wasn’t the temperature that was giving her chills it was the adrenaline. _

_ “But you are not ready for that.” _

_ He tucked some hair behind her ear. _

_ “Don’t tell me what I’m ready for.” _

_ She tried kissing him again and reached for the tie of his swim trunks. _

_ “I’m sorry Bobcat. This is a pretty good indication you’re not,” he said grasping her wrist. “C'mon, let’s go back outside.” _

_ He pressed a chaste kiss to her lips. _

_ “I don’t want to go outside. I told you to get a condom.” _

_ “I told you that you aren’t ready for that.” _

_ “I told you I was!” _

_ She was so frustrated with him. _

_ “Well maybe I’m not.” He took a breath and looked away from her. “I have wanted to be with you for a long time and I’m not going to waste it in the short amount of time we have alone today or like,” he exhaled, “in the backseat of my car.” _

_ He shook his head. He leaned in to kiss her again and she held his face with both hands. _

_ “I just thought maybe we could try this but I completely understand if you aren’t comfortable. I don’t ever want you to feel intimidated or nervous with me.” He kissed her on the forehead. “Let’s go back outside.” _

_ He handed her her bikini bottoms and tried to find her top that must have been lost in the sheets. _

_ “Logan.” She was a little apprehensive but so very curious, she let her knees fall apart. _ “ _ Show me.” _

_ He froze and looked her in the eyes for a moment. _

_ “Don’t,” he pleaded, half desperate half amused, and tossed her bikini top towards her. _

_ “I want to know what it’s like.” _

_ She bit her lip. _

_ “Are you serious?” he asked. _

_ “Mmhm,” He read her expression for a moment, the impish smile she gave him was convincing enough. _

_ Come up here,” he had her lay her head on the pillow. “Tell me if you want me to stop.” _

_ She nodded. He came up close to her and without looking parted her legs gently. Without taking his eyes off hers he slowly brushed his thumb over her heat. Within a couple seconds she was relaxing as he methodically slipped his fingers in and out of her, dipping gently to test her reaction. _

_ She licked her lips a little, feeling some building pressure. She noticed that Logan was now looking down at the floor in concentration which made her feel less self-conscious. _

_ “Feels good,” She sighed blissfully. _

_ “Yeah?” he asked with an adoring smile. _

_ He knew he was making her feel good, the evidence had been all over his hand and it was so hot he had to remind himself that Veronica was not any girl. He would regret it forever if he had succumbed to his own desires and agreed to get the condom. He told himself, there would be another time for that. They weren’t there yet. _

_ “Yeah,” she breathed. _

_ He grew more confident and dipped in a little deeper then pumped in and out of her slowly, always brushing her clit on the exit. He kept doing this while he watched her face very carefully to gauge her pleasure. _

_ “How’s that?” he asked in a low voice before pressing an open kiss to her knee. _

_ “Mmm, So good,” her back arched slightly. _

_ “Okay i’m going to kiss you,” he warned bringing his face closer. _

_ Veronica waited to feel something while he gently grabbed hold of her ankle and spread her a bit wider to accommodate him. Logan laughed and buried his head into the inside of her thigh and kissed it. She was going to make it very difficult for him to abstain from coming in his pants. _

_ “What? what’s wrong?” she gulped and lifted her head up. _

_ “Nothing is wrong,” he reassured her. _

_ He pressed his lips together but a smile was breaking free from his serious expression. Her eyes were wide with concern. _

_ “Not sure why you’d ever be shy.” _

_ He looked again and sucked in a breath. He was seriously wondering how he had any willpower at this point. He continued to explore her by pressing his thumb against her clit and sliding it down and dipping it into her soft, succulent opening. Veronica shuddered at the pleasure and bucked up against his hand. _

_ “Ooo,” she exhaled as the sensation of his soft lips on her slickness, she reached down and grasped on to his forearms. _

_ It tickled but it felt pleasant. He did it a few times, each kiss lingering a little longer until it stopped tickling and just felt amazing. _

_ “Do you want me to stop?” he asked knowing the answer. _

_ “No, don’t stop,” she whispered. _

_ A small jolt of pleasure wracked through her body at the feel of his tongue and she bucked her hips up against him forcefully digging her nails into his forearms while he was grasping on to her hips. It felt incredible. She did it again. _

_ He chuckled gently as she bucked against his face. His tongue was so slick, she had never felt anything like this. It was wet and hot and slippery. It set her nerves alight and made her toes curl. _

_ He pulled back and began using his hands again she started to feel self conscious at why he stopped until she noticed him lick his lips to bring her taste back into his mouth. He loved it. _

_ He was watching what he was doing with so much attention and the feeling was so good she didn’t care how much of a view he was getting, she just didn’t want him to stop. He was so methodical, he looked at her like a puzzle he was trying to solve. _

_ He’d watch while he pumped his fingers into her then lean in to flick her clit with his tongue at the same time. Then he’d do it all over again. Logan realized she was watching him, “Lay down, relax,” he ordered and she obeyed by resting her head down on the pillow. _

_ “You taste so good.” _

_ He flattened his tongue against her then swallowed and did it again. _

_ “Really?” she asked meekly while she chewed on the side of her thumb. _

_ Logan’s affirmative response is a mix of sound and vibration that pulls her deeper into the moment. She doesn’t remember asking a question. _

_ He began doing something that felt so intense. He was lapping at her and alternating between covering her completely with his mouth, flicking her clit with his tongue and pumping in and out with two fingers. When he slid his hand up her body then rolled her nipple between his thumb and forefinger she gasped. _

_ “Oo” she moaned, arching her back. It was so intense. ”W-what are you trying to do?,” she asked him nervously, her eyes trying to make contact with his. “Okay maybe we should,...ahh.” _

_ She bucked against him again and he chuckled against her. _

_ Something was stirring in her. It felt so good but so overwhelming. She had never experienced this sensation. It was a pressure of sorts but she wasn’t sure what she’d find on the other side of that pressure. The unknown was intimidating and she wanted him to slow down. _

_ “Heh, heh, heh, hehhh,” she panted. “Logan,..:” she pushed at his forearm. “Uh,..Logan...,” she cried out nervously, her entire body going rigid. _

_ Logan didn’t stop but he grabbed for her hand and linked his fingers with hers. _

_ His tongue sucked at her flesh her as she writhed against him. Instinctually he pressed his tongue flat against her as hard as he could. _

_ She felt her pulse against his tongue and it was building and building. She squeezed his hand as tightly as she could. Just when she wasn’t sure she could handle it anymore of his touches, a hot wave of the most intense pleasure she had ever felt rolled through her body. _

_ It started where his tongue was, then raked over her head and down her spine. _

_ “Oooooo. Oh my god!” _

_ All her muscles tensed and he helped her ride it out by pressing his tongue firmly against her. Instinctually she placed her hand on his head to keep him where he was. _

_ After a moment, when Veronica’s head stopped spinning and her breathing returned to normal, Logan collapsed onto his back with relief and blew air up his face. Mission Accomplished. _

_ Veronica sat up. She pulled the sheets up over her then tilted her head towards the ceiling with a laugh. _

_ “What was that?” she struggled to find the right words. _

_ “Wait.” He popped up from the bed, an arrogant smile spread across his face. “Did you come?” _

_ He narrowed his eyes pretending he was completely oblivious. Veronica rolled her eyes but couldn’t stop smiling. _

_ “It’s as if,” he rested his hand under his chin, “you liked it or something?” _

_ “I thought you might be good but I didn’t know you went pro,” she laughed out. “I’d certainly consider giving you three wishes for _that.” 

She laid back down, a blissful smile plastered across her face. 

_ “Hmm for my first wish,” he tapped his chin, “I want you to let me take you on a proper date” _

_ “This wasn’t a proper date?” she said sarcastically. _

_ “C’mon you know what I mean.” _

_ “Maybe we can do something else on this date.” _

_ She took hold of the ties on his bathing suit. _

_ “Have a little patience, Veronica Mars, jeesh.” _

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

They laid together completely satiated. 

“Thank you for your service,” Veronica said making Logan chuckle before he leaned in to kiss her on the forehead. 

“I need a nap.” 

He closed his eyes and ran his hand over his chest. 

“I’ll allow it. How long was your flight?” 

“Long.” 

“You can’t give me any more than that? Longer than ten hours?” 

“Longer,” he answered. 

“Longer than twelve hours?” 

“Longer.” 

“Sixteen hours?” 

“Somewhere around there.” 

His voice had reduced to a soft whisper as he laid his sleepy head on the pillow. He peeked his eyes open and laughed seeing Veronica thinking about where he could have been that required a sixteen hour flight. 

She pushed on his shoulder when she noticed he was peeking at her. 

“Go to sleep.” 

“I can’t sleep with you staring at me.” 

“Sleep!” 

She ran her hand gently over his face. 

“Wake me up in an hour? I’ll take you out for a proper date.” 

“This wasn’t a proper date?” 

A moment later she turned to him. 

“Logan?” she whispered. 

He didn’t move. 

“It’s all work work work then he gets home and never has time for me,” she kissed his forehead. “Sleep easy, my love.” 

She stroked his hair and he hummed in total relaxation so happy to be home. 

MARCH 2019

NOW

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

“Hey, hey,...sorry i’m in a drive-thru,” she answered the facetime call on her phone while trying to talk to the girl at the Starbucks window. “One second! Yes,...grande please...GRANDE!,” she tried speaking louder into the speaker. “You know what, sure a Venti would be great,” she settled. 

“Where are you?” He looked around the screen. “Sounds like you’re busy.” he said. 

“Hey hun,” she said in an exasperated way, like he was another chore on her list. 

He wasn’t fond of the nickname ‘hun’ or ‘honey’ it never felt genuine coming from her. 

Finally she had thrown the car in park and turned her attention to Logan’s face that was prominently displayed on the dash of her car. 

“Hey,” he smiled. “How are you?” he asked. 

“Busy,” she answered. “You know my client Karsyn?” 

“Ex-Wife of that billionaire guy, yeah.” 

“Well turns out he’s been spying on her. So I'm going to do a little spying on him,” she proclaimed proudly. 

“,..You sure that’s a good idea?” he asked. 

Veronica didn’t answer she was clearly too busy with the drive-thru. 

“This cussing window. Sorry one sec I’ll just open the door,” she said to the barista. 

“I thought you got the window fixed?” he questioned. 

“I did,” she sighed. “,it’s doing it again.” 

“That thing has been a dud since the day you got it. Maybe it’s time we retire ‘blue nothing’ I’ll get you anything you want,” he offered. 

“Stop,” she said in a warning tone. “I don’t want to hear it.” 

“C’mon a new car for an early birthday gift? I’ll put a really big bow on it,” he joked. 

“Don’t do that,” she warned. “We’ve been managing just fine with one car.” 

“You want an Audi? ...What about a Tesla?” he wiggled his eyebrows. 

Logan continued rambling off different models of cars. 

“I just said I didn’t want to _ hear it._” she sung trying to keep from sounding to harsh. 

“Ok.” A moment of silence passed between them. 

“Are you okay?” he asked seriously. 

“I’m fine.” she said quickly. 

“Did you see that specialist yesterday?” he asked treading carefully. 

“Logan,” she sighed. “You told me not to worry about it the last time we talked.” 

“I know. That’s why I’m asking,” 

“No. I cancelled it because you told me to.” Her frustration was evident in her tone.

“Okay...” he inhaled. 

“Hey, I can’t really talk now I’m running late. I promised her I’d be there before she leaves for her very important yoga class,” she scoffed. 

“Oh.” He was confused. “You’re still in Neptune?” 

He assumed she was in the car because she was on her way to pick him up. 

“How long do you think you’ll be there for?” he asked. 

“Uhhh, I don’t know,” she sounded irritated. 

“Ok well if you’re too busy I can just-” 

“Yeah maybe we can talk later. Try back tonight. I have to go.” 

The screen began to pixelate. 

“Veronica?” he called out her name. 

She had told him not a week ago that she would come pick him up. If he had known she wasn’t coming he would have made other plans. He tried calling her back. 

“Good thing we are managing fine with one car.” he said sarcastically when it went straight to voicemail. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading


	3. Fragile Ground

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking it out with me. I know this chapter took a long time to get posted. I really need this escape in my life right now so i'm very fortunate to have people engage with me during the writing process and with comments on my story. I'm starting to write moments from season 4 which has been interesting to explore. I have some flashbacks to happier times coming in the next few chapters to lighten the overall story and explore Veronica and Logan's relationship further. This is all set it in the 'After' I will probably go back to parallels eventually. 
> 
> Thank you to Chikabiddy for her beautiful editing and suggestions and Aurora2020 for checking my revisions and offering great support and ideas. 
> 
> Again, thank you for reading.

FEBRUARY 2019

AFTER

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

  
  


At seven o’clock Logan waited patiently for Veronica. He heard the alarm on her phone go off and then it was painfully silent. 

It had been like this for a couple months now. Once they would spend those three minutes together but it had evolved into a chore that she needed to tackle alone. She didn’t want him there for the likely disappointment. Witnessing her drive herself insane with pressure made him feel helpless. Logan had never felt this useless in his entire life. No amount of money could solve this. Meaningful words evaded him. He was keenly aware that if he didn’t believe his own words, then Veronica would see through his bullshit. For the first time in forever he had found himself longing for deployment so he could breathe without walking on eggshells. So he could toss and turn in bed without agonizing, wondering if he was keeping her awake. Deployment was an excuse so he could leave and not have to see her heartbroken face every day. So he could laugh or smile without feeling guilty. So he could take Jane’s suggestions to heart and finally stop blaming himself. 

The door of the bathroom opened and she stormed into the living-room, “Okay, let’s go!” she grabbed for her jacket from the back of the couch and took her keys off the hook. “Can you drive? I want to make a phone call.” 

Wordlessly he held his hand out and she tossed them to him with a jingle. Outside Veronica went to the passenger side door and impatiently fiddled with the handle of the still locked door. 

“Logan?” 

“Ok, one sec.” 

He was still locking the door to their apartment and expected she might stomp her foot like a child if he didn’t hurry up. He pressed the fob and nothing happened. 

“Try again?” 

She flicked the handle continuously. 

“Hold on. It’s not working,” he called out. 

“Ughh!” she complained while he struggled to get her door open. 

Finally the doors unlocked and they both slipped inside. 

“This thing belongs in a junkyard.” Logan muttered under his breath, then slammed his door closed which earned a glare from Veronica. 

“Oh my god, I just want to get this over with.” 

She stared up at the ceiling of the car while smoothing her hair out, then pulled the mirror down to check her eyes. 

“Why don’t we just cancel?” he asked, adjusting his seat. 

Veronica ignored him and checked her messages. The rest of the drive was completely silent save for the six minute phone call she had with her dad about something Logan couldn’t follow if he tried. He wondered what could possibly be so pressing. She spent all day at work with her dad but of course needed to call him again. 

Jane had pointed out that his feelings towards Keith could border on jealousy but he knew that was not true. The problems he had with Keith were rooted deeper than that. So deep he didn’t even want to admit them to her for fear of pity. He had told Jane about practically everything; his childhood trauma, abuse from his father, his mother’s death, Trina, the stress of his career, his anxiety that was a direct product of his nepotistic fame, he talked so much about Veronica and his never ending anguish about Riley. But he didn’t want her pity when it came to his struggle with Keith or how he viewed Veronica’s relationship with him. 

He felt like Keith considered him a layover, a stop along the way to the man Veronica would eventually marry. Aside from some unfinished business they were not meant to be together. And the sooner she realized that, the sooner she’d be back in New York. Logan had been in the Navy coming up on eight years, he was decorated, well respected, and moved up the ranks quickly but not without earning it. It all seemed to mean very little to Keith who still wouldn’t let him forget he broke his lamp when he was seventeen. Always masked as a harmless-joke, a dig, always at the top of his Christmas list. _ How ‘bout a new lamp? _ Logan still felt like Keith blamed him for hijacking his daughter’s life. He pulled her out of NYC for what? So he could leave her alone for long deployments? He was sure he didn’t intend for any of it to sound so harsh. He was a father trying to protect his daughter from a man he never really tried to get to know. 

Logan did not need Keith Mars to be like a father to him but he thought they were becoming family. Last year his thoughts had been proven wrong when Keith’s true feelings bubbled to the surface when he needed him the most. 

While Logan drove, Veronica took mental snapshots while looking out the window. A couple holding hands, tourists walking the pier, jogger, black pants, dark blue hoodie, older woman walking a small dog, a shitszhu. No, a poodle. An SUV pulling out of a drive-way, black, vanity plates. Once they reached Wallace’s street she realized what she had been doing and stopped taking note of her surroundings. 

Wallace and Shae had lived in a beautiful two-story condo while waiting for renovations to be completed on a house they had recently purchased. Veronica was painfully bored of the contractor stories, the cutesy arguments over which doors looked best even though they looked exactly the same. Benefits of pot-lights over pendants. Shiplap over wainscoting. 

Veronica wondered if she and Logan were this annoying when discussing their own home. It was ridiculous to think someone else had been living in their house. The house Logan had customized to meet all his specifications. The custom and particular house apparently appealed to someone else’s sensibilities because it sold the same afternoon it went on the market. The never lived-in home sparked a bidding war. Their realtor told them to hold out for more money but Veronica wanted it gone. She never wanted to hear about Salacia Drive ever again. 

She didn’t want to think about their perfect backsplit with tall bay-windows. The charming mud room with clear-cut shelves specifically created for surfboard storage, the impressive high-up main floor balcony overlooking the close enough to touch the ocean. She certainly did not want to think about the extraordinary nursery that should have been featured in a design magazine. 

Besides the Navy, Veronica had never seen Logan so passionate about anything in his life. It had been a revelation seeing him take to something so domestic. She had been in awe of this hidden part of him that was beyond creative. The project had become a passion which brought him so much joy. He consulted her on most decisions, big and small, but she especially loved when he surprised her. All those times he covered her eyes before proudly revealing something new. He would wait and watch her reaction hoping he could render her speechless. Once she actually was. 

Wallace opened the door and greeted them with the smell of a delicious dinner hanging in the air. 

“I thought we said six.” he questioned, raising his eyebrows at their tardiness. 

“Yeah,” she said flippantly. “I should have called. Smells amazing.” 

She pulled her jacket off and hung it haphazardly on the banister. Logan picked it up and hung it in the closet for her. 

“You made it!” Shae exclaimed from the top of the stairs. “I was getting a bit worried. We said six, right?” she asked when she reached the bottom of the staircase. 

Veronica held her hands out stiffly for a hug and smiled tightly over her shoulder. Shae pulled back and gently studied Veronica’s reaction. 

“Can I interest you in a glass of wine?” The look was obvious, she tried to be subtle but it was too deliberate, her eyes shifted around nervously, asking a question without actually asking it. _ Are you pregnant YET? _

“Please,” Veronica accepted with a syrupy, sweet smile that conflicted with the heartache she felt every time she set foot in this home. Shae nodded, it dripped with pity. 

“Red or white?” Shae led her friend through the house past Wallace and Logan who were already deep in easy conversation. 

Watching them carrying on, reminded Veronica that life goes on. Of course it did. But still, she ached for him to stay in limbo with her. 

Logan had never missed a therapy session. He had done everything right. He was always there. He never argued, he rarely pried. She watched him go from seemingly broken forever to alarmingly okay. She hated herself for feeling this way, but she wanted to drag him down to the depths of hell with her. 

“Um,” with Shae’s back turned, Veronica blew air through her teeth feigning a difficult decision. She needed a moment to gather her voice so it didn’t crack. “..._ White _.” she managed. 

Over the course of dinner, Veronica put in as much effort as possible to talk to Shae but the conversations had always fizzled out. Shae’s life had been so consumed with all things Noah. It was difficult to broach any topic without edging on dangerous territory which would most certainly end in Veronica fleeing before the second course. 

“How long are you home?” Wallace asked Logan. 

“I’m heading back on Tuesday.” 

“So this was just a tease.” Shae commented. 

“Yeah. Off for two weeks and then I’m back for six.” 

“Six?” Veronica’s head snapped in his direction. 

“I told you that.” 

She shook her head. “You told me three weeks tops,” she said with disappointment. 

“That was last time. I told you six to eight this time.” 

Veronica’s eyes narrowed into slits. “Wonderful,” she snapped before grabbing her glass and gulping down some of her wine. She slumped back into her chair, fingers tapping on the stem of the glass and eyes downcast. 

Across the table, Shae and Wallace averted their eyes and glanced at each other. 

Shae reached for Wallace’s hand beneath the table, stroking softly on his clenched fist. He relaxed into her touch. 

Rubbing his temples, Logan let out a soft sigh. The weight of their conflict, of their near unending battle of wills, threatened to pull him under. He rolled his shoulders back, straightening in his seat, and turned back to their friends.

“So,” he began.

Veronica, having finished her wine, chose that moment to slam it down on the table. “Shae, this is great.” The bitter bite to her tone didn’t match her eyes and her cheeks flared slightly at the way she addressed her friend. The judging eyes of the others at the table pierced at her heart. Clenching her teeth, she sucked in a steadying breath through her nose and tried again. “Have more of this?” she managed in a sweet voice. 

Shae blinked at her a moment, feeling as though she were being run through a spin cycle. As time went on, Veronica swung more and more from pleasant to unbearable. Sorrow gripped her heart, both for what Veronica lost and for the slow sanding away of her friend.

A nudge from Wallace brought her attention back to the table. “Yeah, sorry.” She stood from the table. “Let me get it for you.” She walked swiftly from the room, her body relaxing the farther she moved from the table.

After retrieving the extra bottle of wine, she gathered the last of her patience, and as a gracious host, she made her way back to the table. Veronica’s outstretched hand grasped on to the bottle the second Shae offered it. Shae had suddenly noticed she had delivered Veronica the wrong bottle. “Oh that’s not the one you were drinking.” she made an effort to exchange it but it was too late, Veronica had already opened it and began pouring. 

“It’s fine.” she shrugged. She leaned back in her seat like a rebellious teenager. Shae was almost surprised she didn’t try and rest her boots on the table. It was not lost on anyone that she was still wearing them. 

About half a bottle later, the sound of Noah crying came in through the baby monitor. Veronica’s eyes darted between Wallace and Shae who were discussing the floor plan of their new house. Something about the diningroom table. Something not fitting. Something in the way. Truly she had no idea what they were talking about. Noah’s cries, that seemed to be increasing in volume, were the only thing she could focus on. 

“Do you have the blueprint?” Logan asked completely oblivious to the crying. “Can I see it?” Veronica was resting her hand on her forehead, her knee bouncing uncontrollably, she couldn’t take one more second. _ Were they deaf? _

She closed her eyes and pointed in the direction of the monitor, “Is someone going to get that?!” her voice was clipped and accusing. Everyone’s eyes had snapped in Veronica’s direction. When she heard her own voice she realized it came out harsher than she intended. “..Maybe something you should deal with?” she shrugged casually. 

Wordlessly and with a calming breath, Shae sprang up from the table to tend to the baby at Veronica’s ‘expert’ suggestion. In any other situation, with any other woman, Shae would have stood up for herself. He was her baby and she knew he was fine and would self-soothe. 

Wallace was now talking about his contractor when he interrupted himself. They could all hear that Shae was having a hard time calming the baby. Veronica practically chewed her bottom lip off at the sound. 

“Sorry, guys, I’ll give her a hand. Be right back.” Wallace excused himself and tossed his napkin on the table. 

After a moment, Logan reached across the table for the baby monitor and turned it off. He scrubbed a hand over his face thankful for the silence. Veronica felt a sudden but momentary period of relief. After a beat the relief had been replaced with distress. If Wallace and Shae couldn’t settle the baby they were definitely going to bring him downstairs. Then they’d play a game of pass Noah around until all Veronica could think about was her own baby.

She closed her eyes and breathed in and out anxiously at the thought as Logan’s arm snaked over her shoulder and pulled her into him. Her once beloved nephew and his beautiful face only shoved her into a deeper sadness that wrapped around her like a weighted blanket. Dodging sadness had been her full-time job these days and she wondered how she always ended up in these situations where it was impossible to avoid. She was beginning to feel like she was living in a never ending nightmare. 

“I think we should leave.” She stood up from the table her hands shaking uncontrollably, her heart thumping wildly in her chest. Her mind reeling to things she didn’t want to remember. All the things she couldn’t allow herself to think about. 

When Wallace returned Veronica was searching for her jacket in the closet. “Sorry about that guys. Dessert?” 

“I feel like we should probably get going, right?” 

She looked to Logan who was clearing the dining-room table. 

“Yeah,” he agreed before he set down the last plate and joined her at the front door. 

“Thanks Wallace, tell Shae dinner was really nice.” She hugged him quickly and looked at her phone. “I’ll meet you in the car. I have to take this.” 

Her throat was feeling sore, she waved quietly at Wallace not looking him in the eye. She just needed to get outside before her tears splashed on their pristine hardwood floors. 

“Hey, thanks for everything.” Logan put his hand out. “Sorry about...” he trailed off with a sigh and a light shrug. 

Wallace got his attention before he could follow after Veronica, “Can I get a minute quick?” He looked towards the staircase briefly. 

“Sure.” Logan stepped closer. 

Wallace rubbed his hands together uncomfortably. “I don’t want this to sound…” He inhaled. “Veronica is one of my oldest friends and she’ll always be my friend but it’s very hard to watch my wife feel like she’s losing her _ best-friend _ because of something she had nothing to do with.” 

The words made sense. They made a lot of sense but it didn’t change how they made Logan feel. Veronica had acted like a petulant child at times, she acted careless and ungrateful at several points through-out the night. But in his mind Wallace was barred from criticizing her. No one knew the full extent of what they just went through and if they couldn’t put up with her for one night then how could they call them friends? Logan seemed to grow in height as he took offense to Wallace’s ignorance. 

If Wallace was trying to stand up for his wife then he’d completely understand why Logan would feel compelled to do the same. 

“Wallace,” he warned hoping he wouldn’t say another word. 

“I just,” Wallace trailed off looking for the right words. 

“You really want to do this?” Logan asked looking up to the ceiling trying to keep his anger from rising. _ Don’t say another word. _

“My heart breaks for you guys. It does. but this is really unfair. Shae didn’t do anything to deserve the way Veronica is treating her,” he said softly. “This whole night made her really uncomfortable. She’s trying.” 

“Ok.” Logan’s jaw clenched. _ Had they not noticed that Veronica was trying? _ “Don't worry, we'll make sure Shae feels comfortable next time,” he said with a sarcastic smile. “Next time we’ll host dinner at our place where the overwhelming sound of _ NO baby crying _ will make Shae feel comfortable. How’s that?” 

Wallace winced at the words. “I really didn’t mean...” 

“Dude...” Logan trailed off with a shake of his head wondering how Wallace could be so out of touch. What the hell was he thinking? What would this solve? 

“Thanks for dinner Wallace.” His eyes sliced into him before he walked away. 

When Logan joined Veronica in the car she was staring blankly out the window. He reached out and squeezed her knee. “It’s not like you to say no to dessert. If we go right now we might be able to make it to Amy’s before they close. Ice cream?” he asked sweetly. 

Bless him. He pretended he was completely oblivious to her tantrum and near break-down, exactly what she needed to feel control. 

“No,” she sniffed, her hand laid gently on top of his letting him know she wanted the comfort._ Stay here with me. _

While driving, he glanced over at her every few seconds. “Hey, you know I was thinking. I haven’t been home for very long.” He rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand in a comforting way. “If it was positive I might have a few questions.” He smiled trying to lighten the mood. She closed her eyes and seemed to relax at his words. 

“It’s going to happen.” he assured her. 

“Not when you’re gone for six weeks.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you're still with me


	4. Decisions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who is still reading! 
> 
> This chapter is pretty much pure fluff (but hopefully not sickening) I really wanted to explore LoVe's dynamic and this was a real test in trying to get their voices down. Hope I did ok. I know some will say that it doesn't feel like season 4 Logan but I want there to be a shift. How does he go from A to B. If Veronica is so different in season 4 then what changes are we seeing with Logan? Maybe more subtle but it's there. 
> 
> I know i'm updating late but I have nearly completed the last two chapter outlines of this fic so I can work towards them at a better pace now. I'm still not in season 4 fix-it territory yet but we're almost there! I know it feels like it is mostly Veronica's perspective but I will most likely be writing the first chapter from Logan's perspective soon. 
> 
> Thank you to Aurora2020 for her support and suggestions and thank you to Chikabiddy for fabulous editing! :) I'm truly so grateful for your help.

MARCH 2018

BEFORE

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

“Working on a new case?” Mac pulled Veronica from her ruminations. 

“A client from Brussels,” Veronica said in mock seriousness. 

Mac played along, “Ooh do tell.”

“His wife ran away to Paris with the chauffeur. I have to find them; the husband wants his car back.” 

It was not the first time she had quoted ‘Love in the Afternoon’ but Mac found it amusing all the same. 

“So nothing new.” Mac nodded before taking a sip from her coffee mug. 

“Nada.” Veronica confirmed before going back to her datebook. Her eyes crossed quickly then pushed it aside in clear frustration. “Wanna go for lunch?” she asked cheerfully. 

“It’s only ten o’clock.” Mac answered. 

“Yeah, but there’s nothing to do.” 

Mac glanced at the Bible-sized stack of files Keith had placed on her desk that morning. 

“Nothing that can’t wait,” she tried again. 

The stacks of papers included bank statements and insurance files for a fraud case. She had poured over a few pages before wanting to lay her head on her desk for a nap. 

There would be no need for stake-outs, disguises, or field work on this particular case. This was a simple, but tedious, task of reading everything and trying to make a connection. She could not think of anything less interesting than searching for a needle in a haystack disguised as a finance report.

“C’mon you don’t have much time left. We should be enjoying every moment, not combing through this.” She smacked her hand on the stack. “You getting excited? All your ducks in a row?” 

Veronica was still dreading the idea of Mac moving away but knew her talents far exceeded what was required at Mars Investigations. 

“Almost.” Mac smiled, excited about her upcoming move to Turkey. “Couple more loose ends to tie up and then I'll be on my way.” 

“Mukemmel!” Veronica attempted then cringed. “What do you say to a party?” she asked, tilting her head to the side, offering her most persuasive smile.

“A good-bye party?” Mac groaned. 

“No! Of course not. I would never throw you a good-bye party,” she clarified, shaking her head. “I’m inviting you to Logan’s birthday party.”

“Good. I almost had a panic attack.” 

“I’m giving you the greatest going-away gift of all. The gift of _ no _ party. I know how much you hate attention and I’m nothing if not accommodating.” 

“So you’re saying there will be no party in my honor?” Mac’s eyebrows lifted, “No one is going to shower me with presents? Or give me cards filled with love professions and sweet memories?” she scoffed. “No one getting in my personal space to explain just how much my presence has meant to them over the last few years? No tiara? No sash?” 

“You sound like Logan,” Veronica laughed. “Which is why I lied to show you how you really feel.” She tapped her fingers together maniacally. “Your party will be the talk of the town!” She smiled proudly. 

“Noooo,” Mac whined. “I don’t want a going-away party.” 

“It’s not for you!” Veronica stressed with an annoyed expression followed by a huff. “It’s for all the people that love you. It’s for all the people that are going to miss you like crazy. So, suck it up,” she sung. 

Mac threw her head back in exasperation knowing there was zero way Veronica would be talked out of this. 

“Your sash should be here any day now!” Veronica announced happily while heading towards the coffee machine to fill up her empty cup. “Clear your calendar! We are having the greatest shindig you’ve ever seen on the 1st!” 

“On my last day in Neptune you’re going to subject me to socializing?” 

“My original plan was to lock you in my linen closet and give you the gift of pure and utter isolation. But I do worry about your vitamin D intake as it is.” She finished pouring and turned her attention back to her friend. 

“Can I at least have some say in the guest list?” Mac pouted. 

“Fine, if you promise not to show up late and leave early.” 

“Why do you say that like it’s a common practice?” 

Veronica stared at her blankly. “It’s your signature move. I’ve been known to ‘pull a Mac’ or two. Let me tell you, it’s thrilling! But not at this party. You have to promise.” 

“Fine. I promise!” Mac conceded.

Veronica looked for the guest list she already created so Mac could look it over. 

Keith walked in and took a look at Veronica’s stack of files. “You done with those?” 

“Almost.” she lied. “I’m conning Mac into letting me throw her a going-away party.” 

“Oh! Am I invited?” he approached closer. Veronica raised questioning eyebrows at Mac and generated a chuckle from her friend.

“I’m just not sure. My apartment has a capacity limit, you see.” 

“What? I’m her coworker!”

“You’re her employer,” she corrected. “Who wants to invite their boss?” She scrunched up her face in distaste. 

“I’m also a friend.” Keith placed his hand on his chest. “I should be invited! Take that guy off. I hear he’s trouble.” He pointed at Logan’s name. 

“Really? I think he’s kind of cute.” Veronica said in her Amber voice, looking up with wide eyes. 

“See? Trouble.” 

“A small gathering of your favorite people,” she declared, finally handing the list to Mac with a flourish. 

“Pony got invited?” Keith pretended to be offended. 

“What can I say, Cindy Mac loves her some Pony Mars-Echs.” Veronica said. Mac nodded to confirm. 

“I do. I really do. How is my beloved, Pony anyway?” she asked. Mac missed the days when little Pony had been their office puppy. 

“He’s good. And by good, I mean he’s destroying my wardrobe one sock and shoe at a time. We are signing him up for obedience classes.” 

“Ok it’s all settled. And can I convince you to come to Logan’s party?” she asked her friend. 

“Will there be small humans?” Mac asked mildly concerned. 

“Yes, Wallace and Shae are bringing Noah, and Nat and Kevin will be bringing their three humans.They’re still getting used to the trappings of California so the beach is an exciting place to spend the day.” 

“Socializing and the sun. My two enemies...” she trailed off despondently.

“C’mon, there will be beach volleyball. Or maybe I could interest you in some sand castle building? Dick is bringing jet-skis!” She pursed her lips together hoping she made it sound tempting. 

“Recreational sports and heavy machinery. I might have to pack that day.”

“On Logan’s birthday?! He’ll be devastated.” 

“Am I at least invited to Logan’s party?” Keith called from as he moved towards his office. 

“I told you, there’s a capacity limit!” her eyes widened. 

Keith groaned and rolled his eyes playfully before he closed his office door behind him. 

Veronica watched carefully and as soon as her dad was out of earshot she placed both hands on her desk then gestured for Mac to take the chair in front of her. 

“I need your help solving a little mystery,” she sighed handing over her datebook that was flipped to the month prior. 

There was a seriousness in her tone that struck Mac. She leaned over to look at it, after a moment she pursed her lips and shrugged not sure what she was looking at. 

“I’m going to need a little more to go on. I’m good but I’m not that good.” 

“When did we last get Thai food delivered for lunch?” Veronica asked while she tapped certain days with a pen. 

“I don’t know. Why?” Mac shrugged. 

“Because I'm almost certain,” Veronica grimaced, “...that was the last time I had my period.” 

“OHMYGOD!” Mac gasped. 

“SHHhhhh!” Veronica looked to her dad’s office. 

“A case.” Mac whispered pressing her hands together with a stifled laugh. 

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

“You’ve never done this before?” he asked when she flipped the blue box over to read the instructions again. 

“Are you surprised?” she clawed at the cardboard, clearly offended. 

“Wait,” she stopped. “Have _ you _ done this before?” The look she gave him was near scolding. She wasn’t sure why, but the thought of him in this predicament with another woman made her feel ill. 

“Hmm, I don’t think that’s how they work.” He tapped the instructions on the box with a cheeky smile. 

“You know what I mean, Logan,” she said, all levity gone from her voice. 

“Why do women always think they need to take more than one,” he asked, diverting her attention by tapping again on the pack of 2 she insisted on purchasing. 

“What women do you speak of?” she asked, her eyes were steely and prying. “_Have _ you done this before?” 

“What would it matter?” he shrugged. 

“I asked you a question.” 

She wondered if Logan had always been this infuriating or if it was something he developed more recently. 

“And I asked you another. Why it would matter?” His eyebrow quirked up in defiance while he waited for a response. 

Veronica sighed looking at the box, “I feel like a teenager.” 

“Young and cool?” he asked, letting all the tension and seriousness of this conversation dissolve. 

“Stupid and naive,” she answered with a playful push so he’d move and she could shut the bathroom door to give herself some privacy. “I’m telling you, if you’d just listened to me and made that appointment I asked you to make two years ago I wouldn’t be doing this!” her voice boomed from behind the bathroom door, laced with her signature snark. 

She sounded annoyed but he took note that she had been surprisingly calm about the whole thing and could tell when her words weren’t actually biting.

“Ahh, yes. I was waiting to find out how this is my fault.” He collapsed into the couch. “It’s refreshing. I haven’t been blamed for anything in quite some time. Oh wait!” he snapped his fingers and leaned back into the cushions. “The parking ticket!” he said cheerfully. 

“Logan!” she chided from the bathroom. “You got the street cleaning text and YOU chose to ignore it.” she sighed. 

“YOU parked it on the wrong side of the road. Why would I have to move it?” 

“It’s your car!” she rebutted. 

“OH! Now it’s my car,” he smirked. He looked to Pony for support and received a quick but rather thorough lick to the back of his hand. 

Veronica emerged from the washroom a second later. 

“That was quick.” Logan commented. 

“Didn’t do it. Don’t have to pee.”

“Aren’t you supposed to take it in the morning anyway?” he questioned, cocking his head up over the couch to see her. 

“I. Don’t. Know.” she enunciated. “I’ve never taken one.” she reminded him with a bitter tone, surprising herself at how much edge came across. Veronica sat at the kitchen bar and sighed into her hands. _ Come on Veronica, get it together _she chided herself.

“Are we becoming less mature as we age?” she questioned. “I used to be so good at taking my pill.” She remembered the daily reminder she set on her phone. She remembered how she would track her cycle and how it always ran like clockwork. With Logan’s frequent deployments she had forgotten to make it a priority. 

“Now I never remember to take it and we play Russian roulette far too often to call ourselves adults. If we come out of this unscathed we may have to revisit you getting the ol’, ” she gestured scissors with her fingers. “Snip snip.” 

“Seriously? We go right to that? Wouldn't be my first choice. There MUST be a better way.” Logan threw his stress ball in the air, caught it then squeezed. 

“Like what? I know someone who got pregnant with an IUD,” she said seriously. 

Logan’s eyes narrowed, “No you don’t.” 

“W-well I heard about it!” she crossed her arms in front of her. “And wait a second why is this all on me?” 

“If there was a birth control pill for men you know i'd take that burden for you. It's a shame they don't exist because you know i'd remember to take it." 

Veronica thought for a moment, "No argument there.” She threw her hands in the air. 

“So why don’t you just let me take care of it then and I’ll buy...” 

“Don’t say condoms!” she cut him off. “I’m not buying condoms.” She practically hissed at the thought. 

“Why?” he asked simply. 

She wracked her brain trying to think of something that didn’t sound ridiculous, “My dad is always around. What if he sees them?” _ So ridiculous. _

“You mean if he finds out that we have sex?” Logan inhaled dramatically and a look of shock passed over his face while pressing two fingers against his lips. He lowered them with realization, “Oh my god Veronica, do you think he knows we sleep in the same bed?” he sprang up to a seating position. “If you’re honestly worried about your dad seeing them then you should think about getting a lock for your nightstand. Scandalous stuff in there. Frankly, it makes me blush.” 

Veronica rolled her eyes at his insinuation, as if he didn’t purchase every sex toy or gadget she owned. Possibly her favorite amongst the colorful assortment, Kegel balls he presented with a wry smile and a ‘please’. 

To anyone on the outside, Veronica assumed they looked pretty ‘vanilla’, but behind closed doors she often wanted to be bent over the kitchen counter, her hair pulled or her shoulder bitten. Logan always obliged but never cared for that sort of thing for his own pleasure. He liked delicate touches and murmuring I love you’s. She wanted to be ravaged and he wanted to be made love to. 

It was ridiculous to Veronica that he was even considering condoms as a good idea. They had sex on the kitchen floor more times than she cared to admit, there was no way in hell they were going to store them in the kitchen and neither one of them would be rushing off to the bedroom to get the dreaded gear. They were in a committed relationship, they had gone years without them, throwing them back in the mix felt like the were taking a step backwards. 

“We need something more permanent. We always forget to replenish and then end up in situations like this. We take our chances because we’re stupid!” 

“Tell me how you really feel.” 

“Condoms fucking suck balls!” she stood. 

“Huh, we actually are more immature than we were as teenagers.” he hummed and continued to throw his stress ball. 

“Well I know I was more mature and responsible back then. But I don’t know about you. For all I know, you have a bunch of spawn between Neptune and Tijuana,” she sighed as she tightened her ponytail and made her way closer to him. 

Logan gasped dramatically and sat up, “Veronica Mars! Are you slut-shaming me?” He blinked rapidly as if he had been punched in the stomach. 

“Hey, if the wetsuit fits,” she shrugged with a smile. “How do you suppose we’ll afford all that child support for your illegitimate kids? We’ll have to sell the Lamborghini and the summer house in the Hamptons.” She pouted then leaned in and rested her hands on his shoulders. “You can take the summer house but you’ll have to pry the Ski Lodge out of _ my cold, dead hands _.” 

“What I’m hearing is that you want a Lamborghini for your birthday.” His hands rested on her behind before he pulled her up to straddle his lap, his eyes focused on her cleavage. “Tell me, blue or red?” he spoke into her shoulder then pressed a kiss to her collarbone. “You know I always think you look hot in black.” 

“Just a Lambo? God you really want to get off cheap this year.” Logan instinctively tickled the exposed skin peeking out of her jeans. Seconds later Veronica sighed into his mouth. He hummed happily which snapped her out of the moment. She turned her head abruptly and his kiss landed on her chin. 

“Hey...” he complained and placed a hand on her cheek to move her back toward him. She shook her head, amazed at how quickly he could get her to forget whatever it was she had been talking about. 

“Stop it.” she warned with a finger pointed an inch away from his nose. 

“Stop what?” he asked innocently, a smile crept across his face. 

“That right there,” she commented on his smile, “is how we got into this mess in the first place.” She warned him as his hands dipped in further. 

“Smiling? You’re blaming my smile on this?’ 

“Your smile that says ‘It’s just one time Veronica, what are the chances?”

“Are you saying I’m irresistible?” His eyes narrowed. 

“I’m saying you look really good in uniform,” she said. 

“Aw shucks.” 

“You look really good out of one too.” 

She closed her eyes trying to keep strong when he began kissing her neck. 

“You look really good out of everything.” His breath tickled her ear and she grasped on to her hair moving it to her other shoulder to give him more access. “Mmm,” he hummed before attempting to unbutton her jeans. 

“Logan!” she shrieked before a big smile spread across her face. 

“What, you were flirting with me!” he protested. 

“You are too flirty for your own good.” 

He raised one eyebrow with a slight frown. “You don’t want me to flirt anymore? That doesn’t sound very fun.” He went in for another kiss. 

“Well I certainly don’t want you to flirt with the girls on the beach anymore.” 

She pulled her lips away from his, her nails gently scratched at the nape of his neck. _ Where did that come from? Why was she sounding so insecure? _

“Whoa!” his eyes widened in surprise. “You’ll have to fill me in because I have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

“Just this weekend!” She couldn’t believe he was going to deny it. Veronica puffed out her chest and put on her best surfer-dude accent, “I love that board. Where’d you get it?” 

“Is _ that _ supposed to be me?!” He tilted his head to the ceiling with a laugh. 

“Yeah, punctuated by the tiny swatch of bathing suit you insist on wearing.” 

“You bought me that suit.”

“As. A. Joke,” she stressed, squeezing his shoulders. 

“Did you see the board?” he asked her seriously. 

“No, but I sure saw the statuesque brunette it was attached to.” 

She hated revealing this insecure side of herself and she truly never had any reason not to trust Logan but it still bothered her. _ This stupid test has her acting extra sensitive. Stop it Veronica. _

“It was a 'Layne Beachley' board and I was only asking where she got it because they don’t make them like that anymore. Dick would have offered to buy it right there.” 

“Oh.” Veronica suddenly felt a little silly for accusing him of flirting with a stranger. 

“Why would I flirt with some random woman when I’m with the best looking girl on the beach?” He kissed her neck. Veronica rolled her eyes, but he could see a hint of a smile forming. “And you know me,” he kissed her earlobe, “I like blondes.” He found a spot on her neck that made her toes curl. 

“Yeah you do,” she smirked, falling for his charm again. When he pulled down her bra strap she snapped out of it. “You are brutal!” She threw herself away from him. “Logan Echolls; smooth talker. This is why we are currently waiting to take a pregnancy test. Tell me, how many times have you waited patiently in this scenario?” 

“Can you let it go?” he laughed. 

“Have you ever?” she pried. “Just say it. I assume the answer is yes. One doesn’t acquire that many sexual partners without questioning if one slipped passed the goalie at some point.” 

“You have a warped idea of my sexual history. I was responsible and took care of my business. Also, I have not been with _ that many _ women.” 

“No, don’t do that.” she shook her head. 

“How many partners do you think I’ve had?” he asked her seriously. 

“Counting casual one-night stands?” she asked. “Logan, this is the slipperiest of slopes,” she cringed. 

“I think you’ll be surprised.” 

“What if your surprising number is actually a crazy big number by my standards? I don’t want to know!” She covered her ears. 

“Eight.” 

“Eight?” she lowered her hands and looked at him in disbelief. 

Logan looked up at the ceiling presumably counting in his head. “Nine,” he corrected after giving it some thought.

“You’re full of shit.” she laughed and headed to the kitchen sink to get herself a glass of water to hurry the process along. 

“Nine.” 

He found his stress ball on the couch and began tossing it in the air. 

“Ok, big guy, if you really want to go there.” 

She put her glass down. 

“It’s nine,” he shrugged then looked over the couch to see her. 

“Logan Echolls single digit man?” Veronica blew a raspberry to imitate a game-show buzzer. “Nope!” She held out her fists and released one finger for each girl that she listed off. “That older chick you lost your virginity to, Me, Lilly, Hannah, Parker, Blehk!” She was still unable to say Madison’s name. 

“Kendall. That girl you used to work with. Has a name that sounds like Sarah but it’s not,” she released number eight. “My best friend Jaime,” she said sarcastically with an eye-roll. 

Jaime had been a Navy girl Logan dated before Carrie. If anyone was ever looking to feel insecure, look no further than Jaime Campbell. That woman could fill out a pair of camo pants like nobody's business. 

“And Carrie,” she concluded. “That’s double digits sweetheart. And I don’t believe for one second you didn’t omit a few of your possible baby mommas to save face.” 

Logan stood up and imitated her with both his hands up in the air in a fantastical display. Nine digits held up to her face. “Watch and be amazed.” Veronica couldn’t help but laugh at his theatrics.

“That older chick was Stacey Miller. I was fourteen and she was fifteen so that hardly constitutes as ‘older’” He put a finger down. 

Veronica shook her head and pursed her lips to keep from laughing. _ How was he so cute right now? _

“Lilly, Caitlyn!” he exclaimed indicating she was wrong and still forgot someone. “Kendall, you, Parker, she-who-shall-not-be-named, Sierra sounds like Sarah, and Carrie.” All nine of his fingers had gone down. He brought them back up to her face and wiggled them “That’s nine, baby.” 

She was a little impressed that he had listed them in proper order. 

“No Tijuana girls?” she asked seriously. 

“Nope, just lied to the guys to sound cool.” he nodded with a proud smirk. 

“Charming!” she said sarcastically. “Oh!” a smug smile pulled at her lips,”You missed little Hannah Griffith.”

“Yeah well it’s kind of impossible to make babies with the things we did.” 

He collapsed back onto the couch. 

“Oh gross! Logan!" she shuddered. "I don’t even want to know what your number is for other stuff.” 

“Well, that might be a slippery slope,” he deadpanned.

“Did you purposely leave out Jaime?” She didn’t mean for the words to slip out so meekly. 

She sat herself beside him, hoping she didn’t seem too eager to know the answer. She always assumed he had slept with her. She was his most recent girlfriend before Carrie. Maybe it was a short lived relationship and it was a long time ago but it didn’t change the fact that at one point in time he called her his girlfriend. 

“No. I never slept with Jaime.” 

“You’re not just saying that?” 

She wasn’t sure why this girl bothered her so much. Maybe it was because she was still a living, breathing woman that sometimes reached out to Logan. Maybe it was because Jaime had known him at a time that she hadn't known him, in a way she didn’t know him. 

It made Veronica’s skin crawl to think when they were together he might have kissed her on the forehead. He probably carried her around effortlessly in his arms, they probably walked the pier holding hands. And he probably flirted relentlessly the same way he did with her. 

Jaime was a quintessential cool girl. Veronica always considered herself the same. Though, she found it hard to believe she had been as cool as Jaime considering anytime she was in the presence of Jaime she felt a strong urge to mark her territory. She would definitely lose her “cool girl” badge if she ever yelled out “he’s MY boyfriend!” 

“Why not?” She couldn’t help but ask. 

Logan shrugged. “We’re better as friends. I didn’t want to string her along. I know what it’s supposed to feel like,” he looked at her in a way that brought heat to her face.

“Did it feel right with Carrie?” she asked quietly. 

Logan looked at her for a moment and pushed her hair behind her ear. “We had something,” he finally admitted. “Definitely felt something more for her than I ever felt with Jaime.” 

She remembered how he smiled watching the footage from Carrie’s security cameras back when she was trying to clear his name. Any old butterflies that had come up to the surface had dropped deep down when she watched him light up at the sound of Carrie’s voice. 

Veronica wasn't sure where she ranked. She felt silly for needing him to say it. Logan smiled and rolled his eyes slightly knowing exactly how the wheels were turning in her head. She wondered how different things might have been if Carrie was still alive. 

Was their relationship circumstantial? Did he lose the love of his life and settle for second best? Would she still be drowning with Piz if he never called for her help? 

“The more time I have to think about my relationship with Carrie, the more I see the problems.” 

Logan leaned in and kissed her on the forehead. 

“But you loved her.” 

“Yeah I did.” he nodded. “But still it was never what love is supposed to feel like. I know what it’s supposed to feel like.” 

“Ok so,” she glanced up at the ceiling.

“I learned what it’s supposed to feel like when I was seventeen years old,” he said simply. 

Veronica inhaled. “No you didn’t,” she argued, looking away from him. 

“Veronica, if you had contacted me at any point over those nine years apart do you really think I'd be wasting my time with Carrie or Jaime? YOU are the love of my life. You’re what it’s supposed to feel like.” 

Veronica moved in and wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him hard. When she pulled away, she felt her eyes tear up. “_ The things guys will say to get out of a vasectomy _,” she whispered through teary eyes. Logan laughed and went in for another kiss. 

“Well?”

“Well what?” 

“Am I the love of your life?” he asked, his eyes wide and silly. 

“I’m not sure, I’ll have to consult my journals to see where you rank.” she glanced at the ceiling. 

“Pros and cons?” Logan asked. 

“And a pie chart,” she included. 

“May I suggest a Venn diagram?” 

“Now you’re thinking!” 

“I’ll wait with bated breath for the results. I have high hopes to come above Troy but I’ve been told not to count my chickens before they hatch,” he closed his eyes and crossed his fingers. 

Veronica smiled and rested her hand on the side of his face before going in for a long kiss. When she pulled back she looked at him seriously and knew he could see the love in her eyes. “Well, friend, should I take that test?” 

“Yes. But don’t ever call me your _ friend _ again,” he growled while leaning in for a kiss. “I. Don’t. Like. It,” he said between kisses. 

“Okay, lover.” Veronica smiled softly and gave him another gentle peck. “You know what? If we were dumber as teenagers we might have a kid almost ready for college by now!” she exclaimed. 

“Thaaat makes me feel old,” he sung. “...and thankful for not being so dumb.” 

“I think we would have stayed together,” she said. 

“Well yes, everyone knows that teen pregnancies result in the happiest relationships. It’s a wonder more people don’t strive for it.” 

“Okay,” she sighed. “Here I go.” 

A sudden feeling of nervousness gripped her, she was unmovable. They had been joking all evening and only now did she begin to feel the weight of the situation. 

Logan pressed his forehead against hers. “It’ll be fine no matter what the outcome,” he assured her. “Okay?” 

Veronica nodded slowly, then got up and headed down the hall. When she had closed the door of the washroom, Logan turned to Pony. 

“Do you want a baby?” he asked the dog quietly. Pony’s face rested comfortably on his dad’s knee with an exasperated huff. 

Veronica joined them a moment later. She reached for her phone that was on the coffee table and set an alarm for three minutes. She rested her cheek on Logan’s shoulder and stroked Pony’s head, her mind swimming in scenarios. 

“Would it really be that bad?” Her eyes glanced up over his shoulder. 

Logan waited for her fleeting thought to take root or disappear. He had mirrored Veronica’s attitude about the whole situation to and from the drug store. He followed suit, as always. Gauging her reaction and trying to be supportive no matter which way she leaned.

“No, you’re right. It wouldn’t be good.” 

She rested her head back down, her socked feet slid together nervously. 

“I didn’t say anything.” 

He kept stoic and grabbed for her hand and linked his fingers with hers not sure what she needed right now. This was a tricky line to walk. 

When the alarm went off Veronica made no effort to move. 

“Do you want me to check?” he offered.

Without a word she got up and went to check the test that she left sitting on the edge of the tub. Logan closed his eyes and held his breath.

“It’s negativvvvvvvvve!” she yelled from the washroom with a slight delight in her voice. 

Logan detected elation and relief in her voice so he followed suit. “Phew!” He got up. “I guess that means I can pour us both a celebratory beverage!” 

“Do you actually think it would have been that bad?” she asked meekly, suddenly feeling slightly disappointed by Logan’s excitement and eagerness to celebrate. _ Or was he just trying to be supportive of my reaction? _

She wondered if it had been positive how upset he might be. She wondered if instead of pouring himself a celebratory beverage he’d be pouring a stiff drink to deal with his stress and disappointment. 

“I think it would have been...fine,” she said quietly while avoiding eye contact. 

“Oh yeah?” he teased her with a happy skip towards the kitchen. “Are you saying I shouldn’t schedule a vasectomy?” 

“What if I asked you to call and make an appointment tomorrow?” 

She looked at him seriously wondering if she was as good of a detective as she thought she was. She winced internally that she even asked that. 

“Then I would call and make an appointment,” he said easily and noticed an unmistakable sadness in her eyes at his answer. 

“You would?” she crossed her arms in front of her loosely almost as if she was hugging herself. “If I asked you to do that, you’d do it? No questions asked?” 

Logan loved kids, it was impossible to overlook but she was sad to think he wouldn’t want his own. Or worse, wanting them but letting her make a life altering decision for him. _ I would never let him do that. _

Logan’s attention pulled from the whiskey glasses in front of him. His head tilted slightly and his voice was nothing but serious. “Is that what you want?” 

She took a hold of his bicep, “I don’t like the idea of never,” she admitted, slightly embarrassed. 

“Me neither,” he agreed before kissing her. “But would that mean we’d have to get married?” his nose scrunched with distaste. 

“HA!” she blurted out in reaction. “If we have a child it’s definitely going to be a bastard just the way he or she was intended.”

Logan smiled and Veronica smiled back solemnly as he handed her a shallow glass of amber liquid. Though it didn’t show, Veronica had been waiting patiently, dropping subtle hints wherever she could. They both hated the institution of marriage but she couldn’t understand why he didn’t feel like they might be different. 

She already felt like they were married. They were technically common-law, what did it matter if they filed the paperwork to make it official? She thought it was unlikely he’d ever ask. Logan hoped she’d complete another meticulous search of his bag soon. 

“No orange twist?” she asked with surprise looking into her drink. “What kind of celebratory drink is this?” 

“The short notice kind!” He lifted his glass. 

“To...not being pregnant,” Veronica lifted her glass awkwardly for a toast. 

Logan could read so much in her body language. It felt distasteful to be celebrating something when her face looked like that. 

“Let’s do it,” he shrugged not joining in on the toast. “Wanna do it?” He moved closer. 

“Should I add negative pregnancy tests to the list of things that get you going?” She moved even closer to him. “Along with my knee socks, and when I do the dishes,” she said impishly. “ I could do a combo? Knee socks and dishes.” She tilted her head up and kissed his chin.

“Again, it's not about the dishes.” He put his glass down on the counter. “It’s that your hands are busy.” He slipped his hands down her back and slid them into her back pockets.“Let’s have a baby,” he said simply.

She blinked. “That one sip has really gone to your head.”

“You know, I always thought we would.”

“You’re serious right now?” Veronica’s eyes sparkled, even as the rest of her face scrunched and she took an involuntary step back. 

“Mhmm,” he nodded, “I wouldn’t want to do it with anyone else.” 

“You’re being silly!” She felt her stomach flutter at the ease of his words. “Our jobs aren’t exactly conducive to raising a family.” Logan didn’t answer her, he just looked down at Pony who was hoping he could con them into giving him another treat. “That’s not the same thing, Logan! He’s a dog,” she laughed. “We can talk when it’s legal to leave human children at home alone all day.” she said dismissively. 

“Wallace and Shae are doing it.” Logan said nonchalantly. 

Veronica rolled her eyes. Shae and Wallace had seemed to be managing Noah effortlessly. Veronica would be lying if she didn’t think about her life and if that might be something she wanted for herself. 

“And which one of them is in the Navy?” she asked. “Neither one of them is gone for long stretches. Wallace is home every day at 4PM and they have an on-call nanny.” 

She shook her head back and forth. 

“We could have an on-call nanny.” he said simply while looking into his glass. 

An incredulous smile spread across her face. “Logan!” 

She hated when he reminded her of his wealth. Logan wanted to move, he wanted to buy her a brand new car so she’d stop driving his. He wanted a motorcycle. All things he hadn’t purchased at her request. The modest life they had been living for the last three years was comfortable and safe. It would feel wrong to let his inheritance bankroll their lifestyle. 

“You were basically raised by a nanny throughout your formative years and you hated that,” she reminded him.

“And my Spanish is excelente,” he quipped. “It won’t be the same,” he assured her. “We’ll be better than that.” He pulled his hands out of her pockets and linked them with hers. “You really never thought about it?” 

Veronica’s eyes darted around the apartment trying not to look at him. She let out a sigh when her eyes caught his. Of course she had. And if she was being really honest with Logan, it wouldn’t haven’t taken much convincing at all. She had been worried all day that he would be upset if the test was positive. It would have been devastating if they weren’t on the same page. 

“The irrational part of me really wanted it to be positive.” she admitted looking away from him, her heart quickening. 

“I know,” he smirked. 

“You did not.” 

“I can read you like a book, Veronica Mars.” 

He pressed his forehead against hers. 

“So...” The room felt heavy as Veronica paused to take a big gulp of her drink. “Did we just...decide to go for it?” she asked him, her eyes pouring into his. 

“I think so,” he breathed. 

“I forgot to take my pill like all week...wanna start now?” she bit her lip, hoping he wouldn’t say no. 

Without a word he lifted her up into his arms and carried her down the hallway. 

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading.


	5. Trying Times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and all your kind words from the last chapter. Thank you Aurora2020 for your great editing and constant support :)

**Trying Times **

MARCH 2018

BEFORE

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

Walking the pier, long drives, travelling the world; all at the top of her list of things she loved doing with Logan. Something new was quickly making its way to the top of that list. Their new shared interest was unexpected. An idea conceived as a compromise to Logan’s suggestion that MI hire some muscle. She was adamant that she did not want some burly guy following her around for the unlikely moment when she needed him. As expected, that conversation opened an old can of worms which sparked arguments and forced Logan to tag along on her stakeouts. 

If she insisted on going solo, he insisted that she take self-defense classes. _ Fine. _

Thanks to living with a man who ate to thrive, boxing and self-defense classes, Veronica had been in the greatest shape of her life. She was stronger than she had ever been and she’d be lying if she didn’t love the physical byproducts; the hint of abs she was beginning to acquire.

When Veronica’s new instructor asked if she’d help him demonstrate some holds for the class, she agreed. He kept smiling at her in a way that made her fear she was emitting some kind of accidental signal. At a certain point she wondered how she could naturally work in a casual comment that she had a boyfriend since it felt rude to bring Logan up. Of course, it was entirely possible she was reading the instructor completely wrong. Maybe he would have asked anyone to be his demonstration partner. She made a few goofy jokes she instantly regretted. _ Great, now he thinks I’m flirting. _

As soon as the class ended, Veronica grabbed her bag and b-lined for the door. If she hurried she could grab a smoothie and still catch Logan mid-box. She always made an effort to watch him while he was boxing, especially this past month which she could only explain as having an unquenchable thirst for him. His body was meant for athletic wear and she felt nothing but pride and respect when he was focusing and honing a skill. 

Today he was boxing with the gym owner, Tony. Logan had become such a regular they had bonded and, by association, Veronica was given fun special privileges at the gym, like free juice and control over the music. 

Once when the gym was relatively empty she watched Logan do bicep curls in front of a mirror. She rushed to the sound system and cued up ‘You’re so Vain’ by Carly Simon then watched him from the upper-level. Tony was amused with her choice and even more amused when Logan joined her and asked, “Vain? You think I'm vain?”. She responded with, “God, this guy. He thinks the song is about him.” Another time she was struck by inspiration at Logan’s all black ensemble and decided it was a great time to perfect the Dirty Dancing jump which Logan only agreed to if she’d never ask him to do it ever again. 

Veronica was amused by the impressive audience he acquired today. Usually it would be one or two girls, today it had been four. Veronica couldn’t blame the women that flocked to spectate. He was magnetic. 

This always reminded her of Logan in middle school and, even high school, before Lilly died. Back then, the approval one could get from Logan was as good as gold. It was easily recognized with all the other guys in school. He had a confidence about him that people gravitated to. Approval from Logan meant everything to the other ‘09ers. If Neptune High was a kingdom, Logan was surely King. 

No matter how much she thought she loved Duncan, Veronica harbored deep-rooted feelings for Logan back as far as she could remember. It was not unheard of. It was commonplace to have a crush on Logan. Everyone had a crush on Logan. That was always apparent when he and Lilly were on the outs. The girls practically lined up in single file for their turn. While she’d never admit to it, even today, she was not immune to the gravitational pull of Logan Echolls. Sometimes it scared her how much she loved him. 

Logan and Tony fist bumped when they were done with their friendly spar and Veronica practically flew down the steps to meet with him. 

“Hey Logan.”One of the girls in fuchsia yoga pants called out casually with a wave as he threw a towel over his shoulder and made his way towards the change room. 

“Hi,” he said with a gentle smile and unaffected nod. Clearly he didn’t know her name or how she knew his name, still he was annoyingly charming. It was almost endearing how completely oblivious to the effect he had on these women. The girls leering at Logan didn’t do anything but lift Veronica into a higher appreciation for all things about her man. _ Yes, he is very strong. Yes, he’s fit. Yeah, he’s sexy. Yes, he looks great naked. NO, HE’S NOT SINGLE! _

She wondered how it was possible that he still gave her butterflies. She thought about how many times she had told herself he was just her first real love when she left Neptune. She told herself that first loves were just nostalgia, a trick conjured by her deceitful mind. It wasn’t long before Piz’s grass turned brittle and straw-like from a drought and Logan’s just seemed to get greener and greener by the day. 

When she was with Piz she hated making comparisons but it was impossible not to. It was like riding the teacups after getting off a roller-coaster. Pleasant enough but lacking any real excitement. With what seemed like no effort at all, Logan could summon an earthquake. 

For nine years she avoided all contact but that didn’t keep her from googling him, asking about him, keeping up with his life. She often wondered if he’d kept up with her life. 

When they were apart, she hated to admit, all she did was compare every man she had been with to Logan. The second her phone rang and his name showed up on the screen she knew she was in trouble. The nostalgia of the-one-that-got-away was strong. She mistakenly assumed the reality would not be as good as the fantasy but she had been very wrong. It was every bit as explosive as it had been before. Being with Logan again made her want to believe in fate and in soulmates. She looked for it with Piz figuring it would eventually show up. She had searched for it with the guys she dated when she was at Columbia but she came to find it didn’t exist at Columbia. Or anywhere near the east coast.

It was a scary thought to think the only person alive that could ignite her flame, the same person who lit it in the first place, was no longer hers. Scarier still was the idea that she wouldn’t want anyone else to have that power. Logan facilitated something inside of her that she never thought possible when she was too young to realize how rare it had been.

The brilliance of his smile made her melt but she couldn’t stop the Amber-voice from bubbling to the surface when he approached her. 

“Hi Logan!” Veronica mocked the fuchsia pants girl and waved at him frantically. Her voice was high-pitched like a cheerleader drunk on jungle juice. “I got you a smoothie! It’s green!” her smile grew to a scary intensity. 

“Uh, hey there,” he looked at his girlfriend quizzically wondering what alter ego he just walked up to. His eyes were drawn to her cleavage where she was twisting the end of her ponytail around her fingers. “So I learned like a ton in my self-defense class today and I need to like practice some holds,” she continued twisting her hair, then bit her lip. “Help me?” she pressed her tongue to the top of her smoothie straw and looked up at him through hooded eyes. 

“I don’t know,” his eyes shifted around. “My girlfriend’s somewhere around here and she wouldn’t like...” he began but Veronica interrupted him with snort when she watched fuchsia pants and the rest of the harem loitering about ten feet away. 

“Don’t look now but you have an audience,” she spoke under her breath. On the pretense of scratching his neck, Logan quickly glanced over his shoulder. 

“Which one? The red head or the brunette?” he spoke quietly and pretended he was interested. 

“The blonde with the ponytail,” she tilted her head to the side and pointed at her hair. 

“Oooo even better.” he smiled. “I don’t want to alarm you but it seems someone else has an audience.” he said while he wiped the sweat off his face with a towel. 

“Me?” Veronica glanced over her shoulder in surprise. “Who? That guy?” she squinted while handing the green smoothie off to Logan’s outstretched hand. “Tastes surprisingly like what I imagine a fish tank might taste like. You’ll love it.” She tried to change the subject. The guy who had been checking her out was her new self-defense instructor. _ Awkward. _

“He has zero shame.” Logan almost laughed before handing the smoothie back to Veronica. 

“Does that sort of thing bother you?” she smirked. Logan was always so calm, cool and collected these days a little jealousy might thrill her. 

Logan shrugged, “Your ass looks really good in those pants.” 

“Well, he can look but he can’t touch,” she said smugly before she sipped on her drink then shuddered at the taste. “Why am I still drinking this?” as she handed it back to him. “Actually, he did touch. He’s my new instructor. I was his demonstrator today,” her chin raised to the ceiling with pride. 

“I’m sure you were a perfect teacher’s pet.” he patted her head before taking a seat on a nearby bench. 

“Oh I was,” she flashed a smug grin. “All gold stars! The class hates me.” She placed her hands on her hips. “They’re just jealous. Like I always say; Just do it. Put in the work or get gone.” She gestured with her thumb pointing towards the door. 

“He’s going to ask you out.” Logan concluded. 

“You think?” her nose scrunched in a way that made her seem excited. Logan rolled his eyes preparing himself for the inevitable Amber-voice that was about to surface again. “I wonder if I should go on a date with him.” her shoulders bounced up once. “I mean he’s kind of cute,” her eyes looked vacant for a moment while she thought, “and talk about ripped!” she twisted her hair around her fingers again. 

Logan ignored her and quickly checked his phone for messages. 

“If only there was a way to show people that I am in a committed relationship. Maybe in the form of a symbol? A piece of jewelry, perhaps? You know, something I could wear about,” she gestured to her left hand in a circular motion, “in this general vicinity that would tell all the vultures to back off.” she shrugged. “Whoa, here’s a thought,” her eyebrows lifted, “You could wear one too!” 

The conversation dropped like a sack of potatoes the moment she brought up marriage. “What’d you learn today?” he bent down to tighten his shoelaces. Was he really ignoring her hints about marriage now? _ Dude. I just agreed to have your baby. _

“Uh...” It took Veronica a moment to gather herself after this blatant shut-out at the mention of marriage. Once the initial feeling of rejection settled she was able to answer him. “A fancy little knee jab to the gut.” _ Exactly what you just did to me. _

“Show me?” he asked. 

They moved over to the area with gym mats. Veronica went through the motions of showing him what she learned in class. She turned her head for one moment and without warning Logan easily lifted and then pinned her to the ground. His knees pressed into the mat while he straddled her midsection. 

“Now what?” he asked calmly. 

“That’s not fair! I wasn’t ready,” she complained, her hands smacked the mat underneath her. “Have some decency. You didn’t give me any warning.” 

“Right. I forgot attackers are known for their decency. And warnings,” he said sarcastically before turning serious. “Okay, now you’re here. What are you going to do?” he loomed over her in a way she knew was supposed to be intimidating but all it did was make her want to find out what would happen if she gave him total control. 

Veronica tried to get into the headspace of how scary this would feel with anyone else holding her down and it always proved difficult. Logan should have known better, especially this last month. She had been quite frisky these last few weeks and this was a precarious position to be in while they were in public.

“Veronica.” He knew he needed to interrupt her fantasies of public sex before she had a chance to act on them and he’d be powerless to resist. 

“The obvious move would be to hit you where it really counts,” she smirked. “But seeing as I still want to have your baby, let’s just pretend that’s what I did.” 

“How exactly do you figure that’s going to help you?” 

“I mean, I don’t have first hand knowledge of how it feels but I’ve been told it’s pretty disarming,” she chuckled. “Need I remind you of a certain swimming experience involving Kyle’s foot and an accidental kick? I think you lost your voice for a good hour,” she laughed. 

“Your instructor told you to punch a guy in the groin while he has you pinned to the ground?” his eyebrows shot up in concern. Veronica nodded in the affirmative. 

“So now your attacker is in pain and angry. And you’re still pinned down,” he said. “If you can cause enough pain that your attacker loses grip on you, great. If not, this is a major disadvantage. If they punch you, your head is going to hit the ground. Hard. If you try to punch me…” he trailed off.

Veronica tried to punch him gently but realized she didn’t have enough reach. She had absolutely no force behind her fist. “Point made,” she sighed allowing her head and arms to rest against the mat in defeat. “Show me how to get out of this, O Great One.”

“Okay grasshopper,” he put his hands on her shoulders close to her neck. “If their knees ride up by your armpits you’re done so keep your elbows in by your ribs.” He tapped her ribcage then put his hands up by her neck. 

“Okay.” She followed his instructions. 

"Cross your hand over and grab my wrist.” Veronica complied and locked Logan’s wrist in a monkey grip. 

“Perfect. Now I can’t travel my hand up laterally.” He showed her he was locked in and could only move back and away from her. “I can move back though and you don’t want that because I can just come at you again. Grab my tricep to keep me here.” Veronica caressed his arm and curled her fingers around to grip his firm muscle. She made an approving noise low in her throat and licked her bottom lip.

“Focus,” he said seriously. 

“Okay fine but do I get a reward at the end of this?” She played coy and bit her lip. 

Logan’s eyes seemed to darken. “I’ll give you a reward,” he said in a low voice that made Veronica grip his arm tighter. 

“Yeah?” she coaxed him to go on then teased him by licking her lips. 

“Hungry Bobcat.” 

“You love it.” 

“Veronica...” They locked eyes and the tension between them grew until he shook his head firmly. “The sooner you get this right, the sooner we can go home.” 

“I’m all ears.” 

“If your elbow is close to your body you’ll have more leverage in your back. Lock your foot on the outside of my leg. Put your other foot in the center of my legs. He looked back to make sure she had it right. “You got me right where you want me now.” 

“Lift with my hips?” she asked. 

“You got it.” 

Veronica groaned while using her hips and back to push Logan off of her. 

“Push up. Push up,” he coached until he lost his footing and she had maneuvered her body up until she was now straddling him. She knew he helped her a little but still the effort was there and she was proud. 

“Nicely done,” he smiled now lying beneath her. 

Veronica exhaled and smiled with pride. “You should teach my class,” she smirked as his hands came up and gently cupped her ass. 

“And get accused of favoritism? No thank you.” He lifted his chin and pursed his lips gently requesting a kiss she happily obliged him with. 

“Think your instructor was watching?” 

Veronica leaned down and kissed Logan deep and luxuriously. He squeezed her butt now and she pulled back from their kiss, “Tony is going to kick us out,” she chuckled but still went in for another kiss. Veronica sat up when she noticed someone was waiting to use the mats. 

Logan blew air up over his face. “We have to go home.” 

“Way ahead of you.”

_________________________________________________________________________

They got into the car right after the gym both knowing exactly what would happen the moment their apartment door closed behind them. A trail of their discarded shoes and socks lead right up to the bathroom door. A heap of Lululemons and Under Armour gear left just outside the shower. 

They wouldn’t finish in the shower. It was convenient and fun after a trip to the gym but it was not practical for their current mission. There was a progression of events that he had mapped out in his mind. This would certainly conclude with them in bed, her on her back, and a well placed-pillow positioned under her hips. Logan on a mission was perhaps the Logan that Veronica adored the most.

They kissed eagerly while the heavy spray of water thrummed at his back. “Turn around,” he said roughly. Veronica turned and he pressed his body firmly against hers. She could feel him rock hard against her. She didn’t need anything else, she was ready for him. He’d easily slide right in but clearly that wasn’t what he wanted. 

Logan’s hands pulled her in until she was impossibly close to him. She buzzed with anticipation as his hands explored her body and his mouth dropped down to kiss the back of her neck. The way he handled her made him seem greedy and possessive, a far cry from the boy who used to light candles and make sweet love to her. 

Veronica moaned blissfully as his hands began to massage her scalp. “We didn’t even get to the good part yet,” he spoke quietly while he washed her hair. 

“It’s always the good part.” A happy sigh escaped her lips when his hands finally made their way to her breasts, soaping them and massaging them with a delightful pressure. They were aching to be touched and he knew exactly what she needed as he turned her back towards him. He allowed the water to wash away the suds before he bowed his head and eased his mouth over her nipple. Veronica bit her bottom lip and grasped on to the back of his head, her thighs pressed firmly together. 

It wasn’t long before she was arching her back and holding his neck to keep him there. She'd ached for more attention than a man with two hands and one mouth could handle. It was never enough. He alternated between flicking her nipples with his tongue and sucking them into tight peaks. Her breasts felt like they were competing for his attention. She was getting frustrated with pleasure on one side and neglect on the other until his hand came up and pinched her lonely nipple sending a bolt of electricity straight to her sex. “_Yeah _...” she bit her lip and watched him work. She squeezed her legs together and knew it was likely she would come just like this. He had managed it before. 

“I’m going to come if you don’t stop,” she threw her head back. 

“Then why would you want me to stop?” his hand roaming its way down her body. 

“I want to finish together,” she whispered into his mouth before kissing him deeply. 

“We will,” he said as if making a promise before he nudged her legs apart and his fingers slid over her clit. “I’ll get you off twice,” he said like it was the easiest thing in the world. 

“Don’t make promises if you can’t deliver--” she barely got the words out before pure and luscious pleasure flowed through her body. “Oh god!” she cried out and he covered her open mouth with his. 

When she calmed down, she immediately dropped to her knees and took him into her mouth. 

With his hand pressed against the wall of the shower, Logan jokingly tilted his head back crossing his eyes. Veronica giggled at his theatrical way of communicating just how good her mouth felt. 

“That good huh?” she asked with a smirk before going back to work. 

“So good you have to stop,” he hissed. Veronica didn’t stop. She pumped him rhythmically with her hand while she continued to suck him.

“Okay. Okay.” He urged her to stop. “We’re playing dangerous games.” He let it go on for far too long and wouldn’t be able to hold control much longer. 

After she released him from her mouth with a soft pop of her lips she whimpered wishing he’d let her finish. 

“I won’t last a second if you keep doing that,” his tone was almost apologetic before he cupped her face in his hands and kissed her deeply. Normally this would be fine; if he came first he’d spread her out on the bed and he’d lick her and suck her until she met her peak. That would have been wasteful. 

They were still dripping wet when they stumbled out of the shower. 

“So what was that thing you said about getting me off twice?” she bit her lip. 

“Easy,” he smirked. 

“I don’t know. The elusive second orgasm is quite the feat, even for a pro like yourself. I’m just not sure about your stamina these days.” she challenged. 

“Don’t question my stamina,” he said gruffly as he patted the bed where he presumably wanted her. Veronica got the feeling that this was an order and did exactly as she was told facing her beloved mirror. 

Once she was on the bed he came up behind her, his hands smoothed over the curve of her hips while he trailed hot kisses along her neck. 

Logan lifted her slightly, before lowering her down onto him. 

“Ooo,” she exhaled. He stilled for a moment in order for her to adjust to his size. It was a nice courtesy but she didn’t need it. 

Her back was arched, her legs spread apart and her head tipped back to rest on his shoulder when she felt completely full. 

“I’m sorry, what were you saying?” Logan didn’t stop his slow, languorous thrusts. In the mirror he watched himself disappear inside of her. “Look.” Veronica opened her eyes to see. The feeling and the visual were beautifully erotic. 

Her hand reached around to pull all her hair off her neck so he had access. “Harder,” she turned her head slightly and breathed into his ear. He didn’t have to be told twice. 

“Yeah,” she moaned while watching him drive into her at a steady pace. All the muscles in his arms contracted beautifully as his hands grasped at her breasts pulling her back towards his chest with every thrust. 

Veronica could not look away from the display of his firm and sculpted muscles just under the surface of his tanned skin. She needed to tell him how good he looked. Before she could comment on him, he commented on her. “You look amazing,” he whispered before his eyes caught hers in the mirror and she smiled blissfully feeling so flush and loved. 

He took hold of the back of her head and pulled her in to kiss him. “_Don’t stop. Don’t stop_,” she begged into his mouth. His hand reached down to help her along. 

The moment she felt his hand, a sob caught in her throat. Veronica had requested they come together so Logan immediately took this as a sign that they needed to switch positions and fast. “You want me on top?” he asked. 

“Yeah,” she mewled moving herself off of him. Logan then flipped her onto her back. This time he did not ease into her. He slammed into her trying to expertly hit his peak at the same time. She hooked her ankles around his back and grasped his bicep with one hand, her other hand petting his shoulder anticipating the gratifying and incredible moment when goosebumps covered his flesh the moment he came. They only stayed for a fleeting moment but the experience was never something she wanted to miss. For as long as she could remember she loved and waited for this moment. She could not think of anything more intimate than knowing the precise moment he saw stars while still inside her body. 

She hit the edge of her climax and he kissed her hard, tongue meeting hers. His breathing had started steady but trembled into an uneven shiver that blew gently across her ear. His heart thumped against her chest. As though he was freezing, bumps presented themselves under his skin and she rubbed and stroked his shoulder down to his bicep. He let out a low groan and then just as quickly they were gone and his flesh became smooth again, she continued to pet the soft skin on his rock hard arms and shoulder blades. 

They made no effort to move while they gasped and came down. After nearly a minute he kissed her forehead and moved away from her. She tilted up so he could position a pillow under her hips. Veronica pulled the sheet over her and rested blissfully. They only started adding the pillow recently. They had no known reason to take extra measures but it felt like an easy effort they should be making. 

Lately, she had been feeling a little guilty that she secretly hoped they didn’t conceive too quickly. The moment the thought crossed her mind she scolded herself. People struggled every single day to conceive and it was beyond stupid to put that out into the universe even if she never verbalized it out loud. 

Even though no part of her wanted to change her mind, she adored this moment in time. It felt animalistic and raw, the way it was intended.The decision to have a baby had been made hastily she supposed, but it was spontaneous and thrilling. They bought prenatal vitamins the next day and she actually tossed her last pack of birth control pills in the garbage. They didn’t have one of their frequent and fumbled conversation with him asking if she took her pill and her trying to wrack her brain to remember if she had. 

________________________________________________________________________

Veronica woke up blissfully satisfied but fully alert and ready to take on the day. Which seemed strange since the alarm clock read six am. She quietly pulled out baking pans from the drawer under the oven looking for the right one to bake Logan’s cake. She wasn’t sure if she could even call it a cake. She found the recipe online and had her doubts that these ingredients could come together and taste like anything other than sawdust. 

“Did you shut off my alarm?” Logan said in a groggy voice as he joined her in the kitchen. 

“Ah...the birthday-boy finally joins the living!” she exclaimed with excitement while mixing cake batter vigorously. “Happy Birthday!” 

“Thank you!” he smiled rubbing his eyes. “You’re up early,” he yawned and kissed her bare shoulder before opening the fridge to glance inside. He didn’t want anything in particular but there was so much to choose from. She always filled the fridge until it was exploding before he got home from a deployment. 

“So THIS is what the world looks like before seven AM?” she glanced around the apartment. “It’s so foreign to me. To be honest, I don’t get what all the hoopla is about.” 

“Something about a bird getting a worm,” he shrugged while opening the living room curtains to reveal the most beautiful sunrise just peeking up over the horizon. “I believe,” he turned to Veronica, “that is what it’s all about,” he pointed. 

Veronica smiled softly then shrugged, “Ehh, just a reverse sunset. I can see that any ol’ time.” 

“Perhaps we could turn this into a routine? I wouldn’t mind the company on my run. Or maybe I can finally convince you to get on a board? Hmm?” he wrapped his arms around her midsection from behind. 

“Hold your ponies, Echolls. This early morning nonsense will not become a pattern,” she kept whisking. 

“It will be if we have a baby.” 

“Don’t say IF,” she gasped and stopped whisking. Her eyes widened wildly. “Logan!” she scolded. 

“Right. WHEN. When we have a baby.” He corrected himself before letting her go. 

“I can’t help but feel like I'm forgetting something,” she thought out loud. “All the food is ready to go. Inedible cake is almost ready for the oven, presents, everything for the kids. Balloons just need to be blown up. I can’t think of anything else.” 

“Did you forget to book the face painter and the clown?!” 

“Hey, I gave you the option between a NYC getaway or a family-friendly BBQ and YOU chose the BBQ.” 

“Only after you kiboshed Huntington Beach and told Kevin and Nat you were throwing me a party.” He checked his phone that was already littered with Happy Birthday messages from his friends in different time zones. “Can’t tell Kyle and Emily it’s off now.” 

“Well you have to get used to it anyway. Everything will be family-friendly in our lives soon. We’ll be vacuuming goldfish off the floor of the BMW faster than you can say gluten-free-dairy-free-fun-free cake.” She opened the oven and slid the cake pan in. 

“Hope so,” he smiled leaning in for a quick kiss. “Though I imagine we’ll be vacuuming the floor of a more family-friendly vehicle.” 

“Cool your fighter jets, we’ll talk cars once we have a baby,” she looked over to see Logan looking down at his phone.“Oh, is that a message from Jaime?” she said in a cheery voice while peering over to see. Jaime lived in California so clearly she made an effort to send him a message first thing. _Have nothing better to do, Jaime? _

“Happy Birthday stud xoxo?” she gagged. “Really?” 

“It’s a joke,” he kept scrolling. 

“I love jokes. That’s not a joke,” she set an alarm for the cake. As quickly as the blood pressure had risen with discussion of Jaime, it fell away when she focused on the task at hand. “Do you want breakfast?” She stirred a pan full of bell peppers and onions. 

“Hmm, coffee,” he decided as he moved towards the machine. 

“Wait, first. Taste this.” she shoved her index finger into a bowl of frosting and held it up to his lips. Logan took her wrist and licked her finger. 

“Whoo,” he made a face. “That’s sweet!” 

“I know but how’s the frosting?” she said seriously. 

“Just the way I like it. Blonde and sassy!” he said decidedly. 

“Funny. That’s how I like my coffee!” she gave him a wink. 

“Veronica,” he grabbed her hips and pulled him towards her. “Would you like a coffee?!” He asked playing along with her hint. 

“I mean now that you mention it, I’d love one! I’m making you a pretty complicated cake. It’s the least you could do.” 

“Making YOU coffee on MY birthday,” he sighed. “Is nothing sacred?” 

Veronica smiled affectionately when he placed both hands on her face and pressed his lips firmly against hers. “Your usual?” he asked when he pulled back. 

“Please.” 

“You sure you don’t want an omelette?” Veronica asked before she began cracking a couple eggs into a bowl. Once she cracked the second egg she felt a sudden lurch in her stomach. “Hmph,” she inhaled slowly through her nose with her eyes closed. 

“What?” he leaned against the counter. “Even if you did forget something. Stop worrying. Contrary to popular belief I'm not a drama-queen. I promise, even though it’s my party I will NOT cry if I want to,” he thought for a second. “Ok, I might cry a little.” He lifted his index finger into the air and thrust upwards, “Actually, on second thought, I promise nothing.” 

“I uh,...” she shook her head. “I just felt,” she inhaled again. “Dizzy and,” she swallowed at the water that was rushing to her mouth, “Yep!” her hand flew up to her mouth. She rushed to the bathroom and knelt in front of the toilet just in time to throw up. 

After quickly turning off the burner on the stove, Logan joined her and stood in the doorway a smug smile pulling at his lips. “Could I interest you in a glass of water and perhaps a pregnancy test?” 

“I’ll take the water but the test can wait,” she groaned with a soft laugh. “I cannot believe this,” as she pressed both her hands against her face. 

Logan brought her a cold glass of water and she thanked him with a soft smile. “Wipe that smile off your face, I’m not taking the test. There’s no way it’s going to show up positive this early. And we also don’t know for sure. I could have the flu. It could also be that old lasagna I took a few bites of last week. I could be allergic to morning.” She kept listing possibilities before taking a sip of the water. 

“You’re not the least bit curious?” 

“Why waste a ten dollar test?” she took hold of Logan’s outstretched hand and finally got up from the floor. 

“You’re right. How will we ever afford the rent?!” his eyes widened. 

“Logan, even if I am pregnant it won’t show up this early,” she explained. 

“Humor me.” 

Veronica sighed and opened the medicine cabinet. She reluctantly pulled out the box and unwrapped the leftover test while Logan began brushing his teeth. 

“Privacy?” 

“Since when do you need privacy?” he mumbled through a mouth full of foamy toothpaste. “I don’t think you’ve closed this door once this week.” 

Veronica stared at him blankly and he made himself scarce while still brushing. 

“Logan, truth or dare?” she called from behind the door a moment later.

“Trooooth!” he mumbled through brushing at the kitchen sink. 

“Have you done this with someone else?”

“Why does that matter to you?” he rolled his eyes. _ This again. _

Logan came back to the bathroom while Veronica was drying her hands on a hand-towel. The miserable look on her face told him she was not in the mood to dance around this question again. Her eyes locked on his. She needed an answer. It must have had an effect on Logan because he answered immediately. “Trina asked me to wait with her once. She was scared. Aaron would have killed her.” 

“So you purposely skirted the subject to wind me up?” 

“I just don’t understand why it would matter to you. It would have nothing to do with you.” He rinsed his toothbrush off in the sink and placed it back in the cup. 

“Just thinking about the idea of it makes me mad.” 

“Why?” 

“Because you’re only supposed to have babies with me!” she exclaimed. “Fur babies, human babies, accidental babies. All of them!” Veronica sighed and picked up her toothbrush. She knew she was being silly about this, but couldn’t help it.

“Ok.” He was taken aback. “So what you’re saying is, you don’t want all my illegitimate kids to come and live with us?” He moved closer to her, both staring into the bathroom mirror. Veronica was trying not to laugh but it was not going well. “They’re going to be so disappointed,” he whispered and frowned into the mirror then kissed her shoulder. Veronica burst into laughter. 

Logan laughed but suddenly became very serious as he looked closely into the mirror. “Well look at that,” he pointed out the line that already showed up on the test. 

“What?” Veronica pulled the toothbrush out of her mouth and spun towards the test. “No it hasn’t even been a minute yet.” She turned to see the window of the test that already had 2 faint lines appearing. “No, it’s just..give it the minutes it requires.” She pushed some hair behind her ear, and then not even ten seconds later, “What the fuck, dude?” She looked at Logan in shock. The lines became increasingly darker and then a realization rushed over her as she picked it up and looked closer. 

“An accidental human baby!” Logan announced with glee. “I had a feeling you should have taken that first test in the morning like I told you to,” he smiled with triumph. 

“_ Ohmygod._” She threw her head back with a soft moan. 

“Well, kind of makes sense. You’ve been really tired and insatiable,” Logan commented. 

“I guess, but it’s not like I had any real symptoms other than not having a period.” 

“You’ve gone to bed at nine thirty every night this week, you want to have sex four times a day and you literally just threw up.” 

“I mean like I haven’t felt sick up until now and my boobs are f...” she squeezed one of her breasts. “Ow!” 

Logan left the room and came back with his phone in his hands while texting rapidly. “What are you doing?” she asked, alarm in her voice. 

“Seeing if I can get you in to see my doctor today,” he said like it was the most normal thing in the world. Veronica would have to explain that normal people don’t have the kind of relationship with their doctor. 

“Isn’t it a little short notice?” her eyebrows lifted. 

Logan looked down at his phone as it buzzed. “You good for eight thirty?” he asked, showing her the text from his doctor. 

_ EXCITING! I can see her before my first patient at eight thirty if that works? _

“I forgot that you have your own gravitational pull,” she said with a sigh. Veronica didn’t know what to do with herself. Everything just felt so out of control, she thought she’d have more time to process this. She had been happily carefree just moments ago and now she suddenly felt breakable. She didn’t know what to do with herself. 

“You okay?” he asked, looking up from his phone, noticing she was quiet and seemed to stand still. 

Veronica nodded a few times without looking at him. Her mind was racing about how far along she could be and how she hadn’t taken any health precautions. “Umm...” her lips pursed together, her eyes glossed up and blinked rapidly until a single tear rolled down her cheek, still she nodded. “It’s just,...mmhp,” her face scrunched and a sob sound escaped her lips when she couldn’t hold back the tears. 

“Whoa whoa whoa.” He took hold of her arms and leaned down so she’d look at him. He ran his hands over her arms in a comforting way. “This was the plan, right?” he asked sweetly. Veronica wiped at her eyes furiously with the heel of her hands. 

“No, it’s not that...” she tried to smile and he smiled back cautiously. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked with a frown. 

“I...” she kept sniffing in “I...had a Redbull yesterday!” she cried harder. Logan pressed his lips together trying not to laugh. “I didn’t know. I hope _ it’s _ okay!” she covered her eyes and cried. 

Logan smiled sheepishly. “Well, that’s what we’re going to find out, honey.” He kissed her forehead and pulled her against his chest. She seemed to relax against him now but continued to wipe at her wet eyes. 

“Whoa...hormones are no joke,” she laughed lightly. “Woo,” her eyes rolled up to the ceiling. 

“Hey,” he pulled from their hug so he could see her face. “We did it.” 

“Well, I don’t know if this counts because the train left the station before we were officially onboard.” 

“No one needs to know that.” He held his hand out for a high-five which she obliged. 

Pony finally joined them, “Well, good morning to you.” Veronica bent down and kissed the top of his head. 

“On-purpose fur baby.” His hand flourished between Pony and Veronica’s stomach. “Meet accidental human baby.” 

“Let the record show,” Veronica said while pointing to her stomach, “On-purpose, very much wanted, tried hard for...”

“You want to start our child’s life out with a lie?” he put his hand on his chest as if he was appalled. 

“Yes, I do. I really, really do.” 

“Then let the record show Logan Echolls has no illegitimate slash accidental children.” 

“Not even one?” Veronica asked with cheery, vested interest in his answer. 

“Not even one.” He kissed her and wiped the last remaining tear from her cheek. “C’mon let’s go outside and watch that reverse sunset.” 

_________________________________________________________________________

MARCH 2019

AFTER 

“I already showed you!” Veronica’s voice boomed so loud the neighbors could probably hear the frustration in her voice. 

“Then. Show. Me. Again.” He enunciated his request. 

An annoyed huff escaped her lips, she held her unloaded gun to her side and turned her back on Logan. She was rigid and she held on so tightly her hand was cramping from the grip. “I had it right here and then,” she pivoted. 

Logan moved up close to her and yanked it out of her hand. 

“Fuck Logan,” she said under her breath while shaking her hand. 

“You’re barely trying.” He tilted his head to the side in disappointment. 

“You’re ripping it out of my hand!” she accused. “You’re going to rip my arm off,” she exaggerated. 

“I forgot how gentle attackers can be,” he snarked, rolling his eyes. “You’re exaggerating. I’m not using any more force than you’re used to.” 

“I’m done.” She walked away from him. 

“No, you’re not. Do it again.” He spoke coolly which frustrated her more. 

“No. I’m not doing it again,” she shook her head. 

“We can switch roles. Take it from me.” 

Veronica sniffed, having a hard time keeping her emotions in check. They had been doing this for a full thirty minutes now and she was getting more worked up by the second. She wanted him to leave already. He had to get to base later that evening. Watching him walk out that door could not come soon enough. 

“You think I'm going to be able to do that?” she practically barked. 

“You used to be able to.” 

“Logan,” she sighed. “I was not expecting it. I’ve told you over and over. There was nothing I could have done at that moment.” 

“It doesn’t matter. It’s over. It happened. Now let’s work on making sure it never happens again. Turn around.” 

Veronica turned away feeling her eyes well up. A wave of self-pity washed over her. She used to be so good at this. She used to disarm Logan like an expert, she used to be able to get herself out of his grip, she used to know how to do this. The tears in her eyes were obstructing her vision and she was embarrassed and that made her more upset. 

“Stop crying.” he spoke sternly. Tough love was never easy for him but he knew coddling her was not going to bring him any relief. The tough love tactic used to work with her, now all it did was make her want to punch him. “Veronica, take a second. Calm down and STOP crying.” 

“I’M JUST MAD.” She made an excuse for her tears, her shoulders shook with a mixture of anger and frustration. 

“Use your anger,” he said calmly. “Okay, let’s try again. I’ll go easier on you but you need to try. Okay?” Veronica looked at him pleading for him to stop making her relive this. 

It took everything Logan had to stay on the other side of the room and not pull her into his arms and cuddle her until she stopped hating him. He could see her eyes glassy and pleading for them to stop this and his attitude shifted. “Look at me.” He placed his hands gently on her shoulders. “I just want you to be safe. That’s all. I need you to be able to do this. I need to feel secure that you can defend yourself.” 

Veronica sniffed again and nodded with understanding and wiped at her eyes while accepting the gun. “If you can’t do this, I don’t want you working.”

Veronica’s nostrils flared in anger. “Excuse me? Do not tell me what to do.”

“Not by yourself you’re not.” 

“Stop acting like you’re my dad, it’s not cute.” 

“Your dad?” he exhaled at what he considered an insult. “When did he ever try to equip you with any skills to keep you safe? He’s too happy to have his buddy by his side to even wonder if he’s putting you in danger.”

“Yeah well, you knew what this was when you got into this relationship.” She walked away from him. 

Logan gave up and bent down to his bag to check and make sure he had everything. “There is no way in hell I’d...” he said under his breath. “God, if I had a daughter...” he rifled through his bag. 

Veronica’s entire body froze, her feet rooted to the ground. Her eyes were wild with anger as she stared at him with disbelief of his word choice. 

Logan closed his eyes and he bowed his head realizing the words and how they sounded. “I shouldn’t have said that.” He looked up to meet her imploring gaze. 

“You know, if you leave now maybe they’ll give you a medal for punctuality,” she hissed. 

“I shouldn’t have said that,” he repeated. “I’m sorry. If you want me to go, I’ll go.” He held his hands up as if to surrender. 

Veronica thought for a moment and then approached him. “I’ll try again,” she said a near whisper. 

Logan knew exactly why she struggled with him leaving too early. They had not had sex today and she had been mentioning her ovulation schedule all week. She even added a heart to the calendar which pissed him off. There would be no heart about it. It wasn’t love, it didn’t even feel like sex. It felt clinical. It felt like a chore. It seemed unfathomable that they’d ever get to this place where sex was such an errand, such a burden that he wanted to leave for work early. 

It was beyond frustrating to see her acting like they had been trying for a year with no luck when in reality it had only been a few months. Where did she get the idea that something had to be wrong after only four months of trying? He was pretty certain it took Wallace and Shae longer than that to have Noah. 

It felt like this had become more important than their relationship. He wondered even if she did get pregnant what it would change. He thought about it every time she lowered her pants but made no effort to remove any other clothing. He felt like he was providing a service. It wasn’t enjoyable which made it take longer, even longer when she urged him to not worry about her. 

“Don’t say that,” he closed his eyes in bother. 

Veronica wasn’t sure why she said it. She knew Logan; he would not enjoy himself if she wasn’t fully enjoying herself and he could detect a faker better than she could sniff out a husband cheating with his secretary. 

“Come for me,” she bit his earlobe 

Logan flinched at the feeling then slammed into her, harder and harder but he just wasn’t getting anywhere. When he felt himself soften he groaned in frustration. It was confusing and mortifying. This had never happened to him in his entire life. Veronica perceived his groan as a good sign. “Yes.” She smiled and grasped on to his arms, petting and urging him to continue. “Yeah,” she nodded. “Yeah, yeah.” She continued to rub his arms waiting. 

“Okay,” his voice willowy and defeated as he pulled away from her and left the room. Veronica stared blankly. She had never been so offended in her entire life. She wanted to call him out for faking, she wanted to yell at him but could not find her voice. When she heard the sound of the shower she turned and quietly cried into her pillow. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be Logan's birthday and then after that we should be heading into season 4 territory!


	6. 365 Days Ago

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life and Logan's birthday then and now
> 
> Thank you for ALL the support Aurora2020. You have the most patience in the world and i'm truly thankful for all that you do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone that is still reading.  
I really needed to write this for me and i'm so pleased that others are interested in it. 
> 
> I know this took a long time! This is a long chapter. I tried to splice it but I couldn't figure out where to chop it off.

**365 Days Ago **

**MARCH 2018**

**BEFORE**

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

After a quick shower and a breakfast of saltines and ice water they were in an examination room watching an ultrasound monitor. One of the many perks of being Logan’s best gal was zero time spent in a waiting room. 

The doctor had asked her several questions she didn’t have any answers to. “Your last period?” she asked with no expectation of an answer. Veronica’s nose scrunched up again indicating she hadn’t a clue. 

Dr. Thoms chuckled, “It’s okay. We can do a little detective work,” she winked.

“_ Let’s see _,” she said under her breath, wheeling her chair closer to the screen so she could squint at it over her glasses. Veronica felt like it was taking too long to see something. Her eyes were glued to the dark screen that was shifting an abstract white blob into all kinds of oblong shapes. When she glanced from the screen to Dr. Thoms an unsettling feeling rested heavy on her chest. It felt silly to be this concerned about something she didn’t know existed until only a few hours before. Her mind raced with concerns. But when she turned to Logan, he flashed a goofy smile that instantly settled her nerves. 

“There we go,” Dr. Thoms said with glee then pointed at the monitor. The already quiet room fell impossibly silent while they watched the little heart flicker and pulse with life. 

“My techs are a lot faster at this than I am. Bear with me,” as she clicked a few buttons. 

“Yeah, thanks for doing this,” Logan said. He stood up to get a closer look. 

“Of course. Of course,” she shrugged. “My oldest patient. I can’t even tell you how many times this kid was in my office for bumps and bruises,” she told Veronica. She attempted a smile. 

“Hear that strong heartbeat?” the Doctor asked sweetly. 

“S’really fast,” Veronica commented. 

“Think it’s the Redbull?” Logan teased. Veronica turned quickly and glared at him but looked back to the doctor with eyes full of questions. 

“This is perfectly normal for six weeks.” 

“Six weeks?” Veronica huffed at the realization. “Seriously?” she rolled her eyes playfully. “You knocked me up on Valentine's Day?” as she turned back to Logan. 

“And you said I didn’t give you a gift,” his eyebrows wiggling up and down. 

“You didn’t get her a gift?” Dr. Thoms asked with surprise. 

“I took her out for a nice dinner!” 

“Dinner does not have four wheels and rhyme with Rowdy,” Veronica joked then rested her head back down with relief. 

“I’m going to have to get you a minivan now.” Logan squeezed her arm looking at the monitor. 

“You what?” a smile stretched across her face. 

The doctor continued to click around a little and asked Veronica a few questions about how she’s been feeling. 

“Felt completely fine until today. I haven’t been taking any precautions since I didn’t know,” her voice was almost apologetic. 

“Probably avoid the Redbull from now on,” 

Veronica nodded quickly. “Done.” 

“Everything looks great. Congratulations!” she gave her a comforting squeeze on the shoulder. The doctor left them alone to get a print-out and allow Veronica to change back into her clothes. 

“Well that was exhilarating!’ Veronica said while doing up her pants. 

Logan smiled sweetly. “Seeing the baby?” 

“Zero wait time at the doctor’s office! Oh to be Logan Echolls.” 

“Stick with me baby. I’ll show you a whole new world.” He made a window washing gesture before digging through a container of lollipops. 

“Hmm. I was not aware that tartrazine and red dye #40 were part of your diet these days,” she smirked as he retrieved an orange pop. 

“Was I not a good boy?” Logan paused for a moment before ripping off the wrapper and popping into his mouth with deliberation. “It’s my birthday,” he winked. “Want one?” 

“Well I _ was _ a good girl,” she nodded. 

Logan brought Veronica a red sucker and sat back down beside her. “Are you going to be okay today? We can postpone.” 

“We can’t.” 

“If you’re not feeling well-” 

“I feel fine!” she insisted. It was partially true, she wasn’t feeling nauseous anymore but she was compelled to get back into bed and sleep for another four to five hours. 

When the doctor came back with a sonogram print-out Logan held his hands out eager and child-like.“Thank you!” he said ecstatically when he finally had it in his hands. He studied the image closely, holding it up in the air as if it was an x-ray. “I think this may be my finest work,” he said seriously. Veronica sighed. 

“Dr. Thoms, why didn’t you tell us it was twins?” 

“Logan!”

“It’s one! It’s one!” Dr. Thoms assured. “How do you live with this guy?” 

“He’s deployed a lot.” 

When they got back into the car they sat for a moment before looking at each other curiously. “_ What have we done? _” she whispered as a smile broke out. 

Logan placed the sonogram image on the dash of the car. “This apparently,” they both laughed at the ridiculousness. She couldn’t remember a time they laughed together so earnestly. “Looks just like you,” she commented, making them crack up again. It felt childlike and joyous, they both tried to stop but couldn’t stifle their laughs while looking at one another. 

When they both gained composure. Logan wiped at his eyes and she leaned over to kiss him. 

“Happy Birthday.” She held his face in her hands. 

“Oh, is this all you got me?” he asked. 

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

Veronica’s phone buzzed and lit up, she groaned while reaching over to turn off the alarm she set. She groaned again when she noticed she had five texts from Dick. _ Shit! How am I going to get Logan out of here? _

Even after an hour, her body was still not ready for her nap to end. Veronica finally pushed the covers off and conceded to the demands of a Logan Echolls birthday party. When she walked out to the kitchen to get a glass of water she noticed the sonogram photo was secured to the fridge with a magnet. 

She gasped and instinctively yanked it off. “LOGAN?!” her tone similar to when she scolded Pony for chewing up a perfectly good shoe. “We can’t tell anyone!” 

“Not even your dad?” 

“Especially not my dad!” she rushed to the spare room and slipped it in a file folder titled ‘Very Important Stuff’. “If we tell him, he’ll tell everyone else. And besides that I don’t want him getting his hopes up. After a twelve week scan we can tell him. Okay? It’s just six more weeks.” He stared into space for a second. “Okay?” her eyes widened needing confirmation that he would keep this information it to himself. 

“Okay,” he said before pressing a kiss to her nose. “Only because secrets are hot,” he smirked which made her shake her head at him. “I’m going to go to the gym in a bit. You want me to make you something to eat first?” 

Her phone buzzed again with another message from Dick. 

“No. No. I have all the crackers I need! You should go,” she smiled. Spotting his gym bag on the ground, she lifted it and thrust it towards him. “Have fun.” 

“I need my...” he scanned the room. 

“Shoes? They’re in here. Towel? Got that too.” She opened the front door and gasped with surprise as he slammed it closed and turned her around so she was facing him. 

“Are you trying to get rid of me?” he asked with his lips barely an inch away from hers. Veronica closed her eyes and smiled blissfully at the feel of his body pressed against her. 

“Just trying to keep you accountable,” she breathed. “Thought you wanted to maintain all this.” She bit the inside of her lip and let her hands travel up under his shirt, teasing the sinew near his waist. 

“I _ could _ skip a day,” he moved closer and murmured against her ear. 

Veronica turned her face away from him, her hands leaving the warmth under his shirt. “You skip one day and then that one day turns into a week, and pretty soon a week turns into a month. _ You’re losing tone by the second _,” she whispered, making him chuckle. 

“_Are you already working on your dad bod?” _

He rolled his eyes playfully. “I’m going. I’m going.” He kissed behind her ear and began trailing more towards her lips. 

“Remember no pain, no gain...” she managed to get out before his lips finally made their way to their final destination of her lips, giving her a sweet kiss. When he pulled away her eyes were still closed. “...legs are just as important as arms,” she continued. He chuckled at her commitment and wrapped his arms around her midsection. He picked her up and pulled her from the door. “And,” she ran her hands up and down his arms, feeling every muscle he worked so hard for, “don’t forget to stretch,” her hands rested on his shoulder blades as he loomed over her. _ Damn, maybe she did want him to stay. _

“Do you have a client coming over?” he cocked an eyebrow. 

“Clients? I remember clients,” she thought dreamily for a moment. “Why do you have something for me?” Anyone you know suspect their spouse of cheating? Had their car stolen? Skimming off the top? Oh! looking for a lost dog?!” 

Logan responded, matching her enthusiasm, “Our neighbor never solved the case of who was leaving cigarette butts on the deck at night!” 

“You’re telling me the cigarette flinging hooligan might still be out there?” 

“I think they took it to the feds.” 

“Wouldn’t want to get in their way,” she yawned. “Plus I have a big afternoon of decorating. Streamers, balloons, things of that variety.” 

“Go lay down. I can help you when I get home.” Veronica’s eyes shifted to the floor. Getting back into bed sounded amazing but she didn’t have time for that. 

Logan lifted an envelope from the top of a mail pile. He pulled a silver key from it with a flourish before he held it up to her. The ring swayed back and forth on his index finger. 

“What’s this?” she asked while accepting it. 

“And you call yourself a detective?” he smirked. 

“A key?” her eyes narrowed in confusion. “Wait, is it the key to my heart?” she held it against her chest and fluttered her eyelashes which amused Logan. 

“I’ll give you a hint. It’s an apartment key.” 

Veronica didn’t stop the eyelash fluttering, “Sorry what did you say? I couldn’t hear it over my heart going pitter-patter, pitter-patter.” 

“You should really get that checked out.” He grabbed his car keys off the hook and kissed her goodbye before actually heading out the door.

“Wait, you’re really not going to tell me?” she held the door open staring at him. “Logan, what is the key for?” she called out as he got into the car and waved. “What is it for?” she asked again while walking out to the porch, her voice louder. 

Logan rolled down the window, “Veronica Mars: PI.” He lowered his sunglasses dramatically, performing his best Horatio Caine impression. The engine revved and then he was gone. She stood staring at the key wondering what the hell it was for. When she could no longer see his car, she grabbed her phone and sent a text. 

He’s gone!

It was comical how quickly Dick’s SUV appeared in the alleyway. He got out and rushed around to open the hatchback. Looking up, he spotted her standing on the balcony, “No no, Ronnie. Don’t rush down. I’ve got this!” he said sarcastically. “What finally got him out of the apartment? I was waiting back there for like an hour.”

Veronica made her way down to meet Dick. “Isn’t it the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?” he asked, running his hand along the edge of the most well-crafted surfboard Veronica had ever seen. Even with zero knowledge of boards, she could tell there was something special about this one. The natural wood was clear lacquered so it was spectacularly shiny and impressive. It was almost a shame he’d never get a chance to use it. But if she knew Logan, this board would never come close to the water. 

Dick carefully pulled the bottom out further so she could see the Kelly Slater signature in crisp, black marker. Veronica pressed her hands together and nearly jumped up in excitement. Logan wanted for nothing. He never asked for anything. She was overjoyed she’d finally be able to give him something he’d be thrilled to receive; something he’d never think to get himself. 

“I know you didn’t ask for it,” he showed her the second signature. 

“What!” she exclaimed. Veronica’s eyes widened in amazement as she stared down at the addition of Layne Beachley’s signature. “I didn’t know she’d be there.” 

“Yeah I guess it was an impromptu appearance. Not really my type but I guess he likes her for her surfing or something.” 

Without any words, Veronica threw her arms around Dick. _ Damn hormones! _

“Uh Ronnie?” He asked as she clung to him. “You okay?” 

“Yeah. Yeah.” She exhaled and let go of him with a shove. “Let’s get this upstairs.” Dick tucked the board under his arm and made his way towards the apartment while Veronica shut the hatchback. As they approached the steps her eyes locked onto the door of the apartment below hers. She pulled the envelope out of her pocket, took the key out and slipped it into the lock of the door. “Always full of surprises,” she snickered when it unlocked.

The AirBnb below them was booked solid year-round and especially expensive this time of year. She knew Logan must have paid a pretty penny to kick the guests out. She looked around the apartment and found a place to hide the board in a spare room closet. “Here. Leave it in here.” she instructed Dick who was exploring the place. 

“Nicer than your shack!” he commented. 

Veronica opened the fridge and found it already stocked with everything from their last grocery run. It seemed Logan had been very busy while she was taking her nap. The only thing missing was the cake and maybe a few streamers. She was looking around for a step stool or ladder when, as if on cue, her phone chimed with a text message from Logan. 

  
  


_ Do NOT get on any ladders. _

Do_ NOT _ tell anyone about our secret.

  
  


We have a secret? 

  
  


_ VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV _

It was only one o’clock when Mac arrived outside of Veronica and Logan’s apartment. Before she could even make her way up the stairs a loud careening whistle got her attention. She noticed Dick first then realized she recognized more faces of people in the apartment below Veronica’s. 

“Please tell me you don’t live here,” she commented and reluctantly accepted a beer from his outstretched hand. 

“Don’t give him ideas!” Logan called out. Mac chuckled seeing him perched up on the kitchen counter blowing up a large inflatable avocado. “Veronica, Mac’s pulling a Mac!”

“Tattle much?” her jaw dropped at the accusation as she walked further into the apartment. 

“Party started an hour ago,” he countered with a stony tone that was typical of their brother-sister type relationship. Veronica was appreciative that they kept it PG and decided to forgo their usual greeting of lovingly giving each other the finger. 

“And somehow you managed without me?” She placed a bottle of booze, wearing a big bow, on the counter beside him.

“Is that an avocado?” Mac asked. 

“Why yes it is.” 

“I couldn’t think of anything he’d like more.” Veronica shrugged. “Why didn’t you guys just use the pump I got?” she asked. Kevin and Logan looked at each other. 

“Well that would have been nice to know about an hour ago,” he commented sardonically tossing the inflatable to one of the kids. 

Mac then held her hands out for a hug which Logan happily accepted. “Happy Birthday.” 

“Thank you.” 

Veronica looked up to see her dad walk in. “Party started without me?” He tried to talk over people as he made his way through the apartment with his cane. 

“Good news, everyone. Eeyore’s here. Now the party can really start.” Veronica weaved by him trying not to trip on anything or anyone. “Now that you’re here, I have a grill that needs brushing.” Veronica ushered Keith through to the patio before turning to Mac. “Follow me. Now.” She grabbed hold of Mac’s elbow and led her to the door. 

“Logan! Happy birthday!” Keith stopped in front of Logan. 

“Yeah. Thank you.” he nodded appreciatively and shook his hand. 

“Some party, huh?” he said glancing around the back patio which was crawling with people Keith had never met before. 

“People are hungry!” Veronica called out to her father as she left the apartment with Mac. 

“First, she doesn’t want me to come and now she’s begging me to hurry up and start cooking,” Keith commented then opened the lid of the barbecue. 

“I yield to your experience.” Logan stood with his hands clasped behind him. 

“Is that an old man joke?” Keith said. Logan glanced inside the apartment then looked back to Keith. “Hey, I uh...” his nerves were getting the better of him. He had planned on asking Keith for his blessing to propose to Veronica all week and now that he was actually standing there, all his planned words had escaped him. “I want to uh...” He didn’t know where to start. He wasn’t sure what he was so scared of, he didn’t expect him to say no. 

“Do you guys have more propane? I think this tank is out,” Keith asked. 

“Uh, yeah. We do.” He rested his hand on the back of his neck and took a deep breath. Before he could say anything, Veronica’s loud voice called from their apartment above telling Dick to keep the music PG-13 or he’d lose his DJ privileges. “No. The thong-song is not PG-13,” she said. Dick must have listened because suddenly there was silence. 

“She really outdoes herself doesn’t she?” Keith commented on Veronica bouncing around from their apartment and back, carrying everything, disciplining Dick, while still being a gracious host. “She really goes all out for you.” Logan looked around a little not sure how to take that comment. For a moment he wondered if Keith was throwing shade at him for not reciprocating.

“Yeah, she does,” he nodded. “I actually wanted to ask you...” he could barely get the words out when loud music started playing again. It sounded like Sublime and he knew Veronica would be shouting out the window again any second. 

“I’ll get you that propane!” 

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

Veronica just finished yelling at Dick and turned back to Mac. Before she could spill her secret she looked up to see someone that completely surprised her. 

“Knock, Knock.” 

“Jaime?!” Veronica froze. 

“Hey.” Jaime said in a sheepish voice while contorting her body to make it small. Her hand came up in a pathetic wave and she her shoulders in a way that told Veronica all she needed to know. Jaime had known she was not invited but was crashing the party anyway. “I hope I’m not imposing.” She faked a self-conscious smile again. Jaime was a lot of things but self-conscious was not the word she’d use to describe her. 

“Oh.” She placed her hands easily on her hips trying to make herself seem tall. “I wasn’t expecting you.” She smiled so wide it was nearly painful. 

“I know. I know. I should have called.” She tucked her long dark hair that shined like glass behind her ears.”I just ran into Kevin a few days ago and he extended the invite. I told him maybe I’d come. Here I am!” Another uneasy laugh was followed by a quick, serious resolve. 

“Well uh...” Veronica looked at Mac. “Welcome to Neptune.” She shrugged up her shoulders then held her palms up uncomfortably. Her voice was so syrupy-sweet only Mac could see through the thick spread of fake-hospitality. She had to bite her tongue to stop herself from laughing. 

“It’s so beautiful here. I can’t get over it,” Jaime commented while gesturing to the windows. 

“Yeah, these landlords really know how to utilize a shade of blue!” 

“I meant Neptune.” 

Veronica let out a low laugh. “Well sure. Neptune; surface level: sand, surf and paradise. On the downside the town is ripe with corruption, on the upside, you can get a hotdog on the pier _ anytime _ you want. And get this...there is no such thing as seasonal depression,” she beamed. 

“Just good old fashioned regular depression.” Mac chimed in and Veronica shared a toothy grin and threw their heads back with a fake laugh. Jaime’s eyes darted between them with confusion. 

“Jaime,” extending her hand introduced herself to Mac. 

“Where are my manners?” Veronica said. “Jaime, this is our friend Mac. Mac this is uh...Jaime.” she rested her hands on the front of her shorts and suddenly felt uncomfortable in the outfit she was wearing. Her morning sickness had magically transformed into afternoon sickness and cutoffs and a baggy t-shirt felt appropriately comfy. She didn’t think much of it before but now in the presence of Jaime, she was suddenly very aware of her lack of effort. 

“I uh.._ work with Logan _ ,” she told Mac while she nodded in a modest way that made Veronica want to burst into laughter. _ Was she bragging? _

The women shook hands and made small talk about the weather; Veronica could only imagine Mac’s internal dialogue. If she wasn’t planning on moving to another continent next week, she’d seriously be considering it after having Veronica expose her to this type of perfunctory socialization. 

Veronica noticed Jaime’s eyes scanning the apartment, presumably searching for a sign of Logan. “Am I early?” she asked uncomfortably. 

“Oh no. Everyone is downstairs and oceanside.” Veronica pointed to the window. 

“Veronica, where is the propane?” Logan appeared, resting his hand on the doorway. 

“I’m going to go out on a limb and say it’s exactly where you left it.” 

“Hey birthday boy,” Jaime smiled. It was coy and predatory which made Veronica want to gag. This felt familiar. She couldn’t exactly pinpoint why. 

“What are you doing here?” Logan’s smile grew as he approached Jaime then enveloped her in a hug. 

“No present. I’m sorry. My presence is my present.” She did something that resembled a curtsy. 

“Oh, you shouldn’t have.” The deadpan that accompanied his joke made Veronica cover a smile. 

“You live so far away. We need to discuss why you put yourself through that commute.” Veronica’s eyebrows raised as they pulled from their hug. _ Me. ME! That’s why he drives that commute, Jaime! _

“Guys are outside,” his head gestured towards the door. 

“Yes let’s go.” She followed after him. 

“Logan,” Veronica sang. “Propane!” she pointed to the spare room. 

“Thanks Sugarpuss.” He kissed her on the forehead which made Veronica preenly smile. 

“Well, this is _ fun, _” Mac said sarcastically. “What are you drinking?” Mac asked, pulling a cork out of a whiskey bottle. “Wine or whiskey?” 

Veronica didn’t even consider how she was going to abstain without anyone realizing. And after seeing Logan she decided it would be best to tell Mac together. “Umm, I have a drink already started downstairs,” she lied. 

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

The entire beach had been crawling with spring breakers but they had created their own bubble just outside the apartment patio. Veronica looked around proud of what she achieved. For being a self-proclaimed loner, Logan had a pretty great group of friends who wouldn’t miss his birthday for anything. 

She grabbed herself a chair and sat down for what felt like the first time all day and enjoyed watching Logan being pulled in different directions. Volleyball then jet skiis and most precious of all, Emily who he promised he’d build sandcastles with. Everyone wanted a piece of the birthday boy and Veronica knew there would be a slim chance she’d be seeing much of him today. 

“Hi, nice to meet you!” she heard Jaime introducing herself to someone. “I work with Logan.” Veronica rolled her eyes again. When Veronica looked up she was pleasantly surprised to see Wallace and Shae made it. 

“Who is that?” Wallace’s eyebrow raised. 

“That’s Jaime._ She works with Logan _.” She attempted her best impression of Jaime’s voice which caused Shae to suppress a laugh. 

“We come bearing gifts!” She announced handing Veronica a gift bag. 

“_ You guys are going to spoil him! _” Veronica commented, snatching it excitedly. 

“Sixteen year old boy gets brand new X-Terra for his birthday. I think the damage is done,” Wallace commented. 

“You have no idea how hard it was to get him a gift this year,” Veronica sighed while watching Wallace take tiny Noah out of his car-seat. 

“Hey Wallace, I would not be upset if you passed that baby my way,” Veronica gestured casually at little Noah who was now resting comfortably over his blanketed shoulder. 

Veronica smiled happily as Wallace handed the baby over. She had always loved holding Noah. When he was first born she had shown up at the hospital with foil balloons and a tin full of freshly baked snickerdoodles. Watching her best friend become a parent was strangely amazing. Holding Noah now, brought her little secret to the forefront of her mind and that amazing feeling returned. 

“Looks good on ya, V,” Shae commented once she had him cradled. 

After a few minutes of catching up Keith joined them. “Hey honey, I have to go,” he shook his head with a sigh. “Duty calls.” He huffed in a way that showed he was genuinely disappointed.

“A client? Did you need me?” she asked distantly, a hollow offer while looking up from the baby who was sleeping peacefully in her arms. 

“Of course not. Stay. Have fun. I’ve got this. Say bye to Logan for me.” He leaned down to kiss her on the cheek.

Once Shae had taken Noah in to feed him, Veronica wandered down to the beach to find Logan with the kids. He had promised he’d make sand castles and he kept his word. 

Kevin and Nat were busy building a play-pen while Logan was sitting with Emily and Olivia on the beach. He began explaining what kind of castle they should make. She could hear him asking Kyle if he wanted to join them but Kyle had no interest in sandcastles.

Of course a nine year-old boy would think Dick Casablancas is the coolest guy he’s ever met. His very own father and Logan, real life heroes and yet Kyle fell for Dick’s Peter Pan-like charm. It was haunting to say the least but Dick was surprisingly sweet with him. 

Veronica snapped a few pictures of Logan and the girls. He and Emily started constructing what looked like a very complicated sandcastle while Olivia sat smacking a tiny, pink plastic shovel against the sand in front of her. 

Logan had insisted on an obscene amount of sandcastle building accessories a few days before. Watching him at a toy store was an experience Veronica didn’t know she needed. The trip to the store was originally to only get a new volleyball. Pony had taken a liking to the one they previously owned and it was currently in several pieces. 

With every aisle of the toy store, Logan found something he ‘needed’ to add to the cart. When they were done he deemed everything in the overflowing cart as ‘necessary’ weekend items. 

A fleeting thought of how spoiled their kid would be came and went. The sheer excitement and wonder he had for the day kept her from having a serious talk about how they’d be raising their own child. 

“You want me to do it?” he turned the bucket over then lifted it to show a near perfect castle turret. 

“You have to do it again. It’s too heavy!” Emily complained, shoving the bright blue bucket in his direction. 

“Okay,” he dumped four more buckets of sand for their castle. “Where do you want this one?” he asked. “This looks like a very good start. We are going to need water for the moat.” 

“What’s a moat?” 

“They love him,” Nat commented while Logan helped Emily with her water-wings she insisted on wearing if they were going near the water. 

Veronica covered her mouth as laughter bubbled out when Olivia held her hands up in the air reaching for him. 

“You want to join us? Okay.” He scooped her up effortlessly and placed her on his hip before following Emily into the water. Logan’s stride towards the reaching baby was so natural and confident, it provided a window into her not so distant future and she couldn’t tear her eyes away. 

“You know what?” Emily asked Logan when they were closer to the shoreline. 

“What’s that?” 

“Oceans can have sharks,” she said matter-of-factly. 

“Yeah,” he nodded at the six year-old’s knowledge. 

“But my dad said that sharks don’t like THIS ocean,” she shrugged. 

“That is,” he thought better of it, “exactly right,” he nodded. 

“Yeah so I’m not afraid of it,” she said proudly. 

“Oh?” 

“But we can’t go too far because Olivia is just a baby and she’s afraid.” 

“I see,” he nodded, glancing at Olivia who was eager to swim. “We’ll stay close to shore for Olivia, okay?” 

“Okay.” 

“Maybe we should go and save Logan?” Nat poked Kevin and pointed out that he had his hands full. Veronica had noticed that he didn’t once look up for help. He didn’t need or want saving. Logan had been completely content answering all of Emily’s questions and carrying Olivia around. 

“He looks like he’s managing just fine.” Veronica chuckled while watching as the mission to collect water for a moat turned into a quest to find the best seashell. She couldn’t help but laugh as he crouched down looking for shells while simultaneously saving Olivia’s hat that the wind blew off her head. Veronica unconsciously ran her hand over her belly, smiling to herself.

While laying out trying to achieve a hint of a tan, Nat, Mac, Shae and Jaime had been discussing Istanbul and Mac’s new, big career move. Veronica couldn’t think about it for too long without feeling depressed. Mac had been by her side for so long now and it was really going to sting when she left.

She was relieved when they stopped discussing her Neptune escape plan and decided to put together a game of volleyball. 

Mac insisted she’d rather watch because she was not about to drag everyone down. 

“Well if you insist on me playing, I call Nat’s team,” Mac said. 

“I played in college! I’m no superstar!” she insisted. 

“You are too modest!” 

“Hey, Veronica and I took down Wallace and Logan last week!” Shae teased. 

Veronica was thinking back to earlier in the day before the party started when Logan and Dick ran the most adorable surf lessons with Kevin and the kids. She smiled to herself. 

“Veronica?” Shae nudged her. 

“Sorry, what?” Her mind was now on water wings and pink sun hats. 

“Volleyball?” 

“Oh yes! Yes.” She wiped the sand off her butt and followed after her friends. 

“Honestly. Get that man a baby!” Shae commented peering over her sunglasses when she noticed Logan was still entertaining the girls. _ Currently percolating as we speak. _

“Right?” Nat agreed. 

“Ha Logan?” Jaime laughed. 

What normally would have made Veronica spar just made her shrug innocently. She had a secret and that felt like a one-up on Jaime. “He’s great with kids,” Veronica said to Jaime as they took their positions near the net. 

“Yeah. No, I know. It’s just...” she chuckled but then thought better of what she was about to say, “I guess I just know him differently than you do.” 

“Yeah,” Veronica sighed. _ But I know him better. _That satisfaction lifting her lip with a barely discernible Logan-esque smirk. 

Logan and the girls returned to their castle with a bucket of water and an impressive collection of seashells just in time to see Pony rush over and destroy half of it. Olivia looked up with a frown before starting to cry. It was like Nat had a premonition, turning just as Olivia’s eyes filled up with tears. It was like a superpower; she volleyed the ball then called out to Kevin. 

She urged him to go and get the baby so Logan didn’t have to deal with her shrieks. By the time Kevin stood up, Logan had already picked Olivia up off the ground and was brushing the sand off her little legs. “Did Pony scare you?” he asked her. “Look. All better now.” He kissed her on the cheek. “The same cannot be said about our castle.” He looked at Emily with an apologetic face. 

She shrugged. “He’s just a dog. We’ll just have to make it again.” 

Logan laughed affectionately at her astute observation for someone so young. Emily only lost his attention a few minutes later when he noticed Dick had lifted Veronica up in the air in a victory hold. Apparently she and Shae had won the game and it called for a drunken rendition of ‘We Are the Champions’.

“No. Put me down. Dick, put me down,” she requested as he jostled her. 

“DICK!” Logan called out. Dick put Veronica gently on the ground immediately seeing Logan was not joking around. Veronica lifted her hand and rested it flat on Logan’s chest to stop him from going after Dick. Her eyes were so wide she didn’t have to say any words to communicate what she was trying to get across. _ You’re giving away our secret. _

Everyone had gone their separate ways on the beach now; Nat had brought the girls in to slather them with more sunscreen, Dick and Kevin got more food and Logan collected all the pails and shovels while Veronica laid back down trying to rest even though Jaime had opted to lay out beside her. Logan looked out over the surf and called Veronica. “Come out here!” 

“No,” she shook her head. “It’s too cold.” 

“No it’s not. Come out here.” 

The sun was blazing and she laid with her fingertips brushing gently over the exposed strip of skin on her stomach. 

Veronica shook her head once more before she watched Jaime in the corner of her eye pull her shirt over her head and saunter to the shore. 

The scent of Jaime’s perfume floated by her. It was overpowering. The scent reminded her of something Lilly used to drown herself in when they were in ninth grade. Expensive. The irony was, right now Veronica felt more like Lilly than ever. Possessive. 

One moment came to mind, something she never shared with Logan. The same day Lilly teased her for having a crush on him was the same, exact day she kissed him in front of her. She still remembers that deep ache in her chest when her lips left his and Lilly’s bright, green eyes stared straight into hers._ You snooze, you lose. _

_ OK, cool girl. _ Veronica stood up instantly and ripped off her shirt to expose her navy blue bikini top and went to meet Logan in the water. The rush of cold instantly took the air out of her but that paled in comparison to the fire she felt when he stretched his long, muscular arms out and pulled her to him. 

“You okay?” He whispered into her ear when she was close. 

“Yeah, I feel fine.” She smiled then wrapped her arms around his shoulders while Jaime swam around.

“I was watching you with the girls,” she began then stopped talking as Jaime ‘accidently’ bumped into Logan. All day, Jaime’s flirting didn’t yield any of the results she was looking for. “I can’t believe this is your backyard. This is amazing!” _ GO HOME! _

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

While on the patio Jaime had been talking in a language only Logan, Kevin and the other Navy guys could understand. _ A cool girl in her natural habitat. _Veronica tried to steer the conversation to something more inclusive. She knew Logan hated talking about work. Nat looked tense knowing Kevin had been the same way. This was a party and she was taking them down memory lane as if it was a reunion. Which was rich coming from Jaime. She always positioned herself like she was right in the thick of everything with Kevin and Logan when Veronica knew better of it. She knew for a fact, Jaime had never once seen active duty. 

“I cannot believe you moved to Intelligence. What a waste!” she teased. 

“He just wants to be close to me!” Kevin joked and Logan winked at him. 

“Where the hell did you get that?” Jaime had commented with a soft poke at Logan’s side. Veronica’s eyes immediately darted towards Logan. Her brain shouted panicky messages to shut the conversation down. _ This bitch _. 

“Oh...” he glanced down at the scar that wrapped around his back and just touched his ribcage. You could only see it in certain lights but when you saw it, you could not unsee it. It was silvery grey like a stretch mark but something about it was oddly reptilian. “I, uh,” she couldn’t watch him struggle. 

“He had a couple ribs broken in highschool, had to have surgery to remove a piece that was floating around,” Veronica said flippantly. It had been true, he did have to have a piece of his rib removed but that scar was on the other side. 

“You had broken ribs?” her jaw dropped. 

“Yeah,” he nodded. 

“Surfing?” 

“PCHer gang kicked the shit out of him,” Dick commented. 

“Oh my god, that’s so terrible!” 

“Scar is jacked as shit, right?” Dick commented. “I told him to sue the surgeon. Dude, seriously that should have been a clean cut. It looks like the doctor was wearing a blind-fold and used a spoon instead of a scalpel!” 

Logan’s lips pulled to the side in an attempt to smile.

No amount of therapy was going to make him comfortable with that scar. That scar that resulted from an uncontrolled belt crack that wrapped around and split across his ribcage. She could still remember the very first time she felt it, when he pulled her hand away. Logan had told her his dad cracked him three more times after that one. He had fallen to the ground, unable to breathe from the blow that seemed to knock the wind out of him. Unable to inhale without searing pain. His father had apologized about how it got away from him when he realized how bad it had been. The resulting bruise was so tender he could barely lift his arms. He didn’t go to school the next day and when Lynn noticed he was still bleeding through his shirt by the second day, she took him to the hospital for stitches. The pain from the stitches paled in comparison to the pain he felt when his mom lied to protect Aaron. It wasn’t even that she lied. He expected that. It’s just how easy it was for her to do it that always stuck with him. Lynn Echolls was a better actress than anyone gave credit. 

Veronica felt a lump in her throat. She could have killed Jaime for bringing it up and starting this conversation that she was desperately trying to end. Kevin chimed in saying he thought he got that in Burundi. _ Oh god. What happened in Burundi now? _Nat tried to suggest herbal remedies for scar healing. Logan nodded not knowing what to say as he was backed further and further into a corner. 

At this point he was more embarrassed about his feelings towards it than the scar itself. He’d come home from his first few therapy sessions with his therapist where he couldn’t even say the words. He told Veronica everything, sometimes he told her things she didn’t want to know. 

The conversation had thankfully transitioned into how surprisingly delicious the gluten-free cake looked. _ Thanks Mac! _

Logan raised up out of his chair and headed inside. Veronica decided she’d wait a minute before going after him. 

When Logan, who had been topless for the better part of the day returned to the group a minute later wearing a shirt, Veronica felt her heart sink. 

“Hey.” Veronica intercepted him before he could claim his chair. “You good?” 

Immediately he placed his hand on his chin in mock contemplation. “I think so. Why?” He sat down and accepted a beer from Dick. She went behind him and wrapped her arms around his neck and rested her lips against his temple. Knowing she was concerned he lifted his hand up and squeezed her arm comfortingly. “Ready for cake?” she asked. Logan nodded.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

“I apologize. I didn’t think she’d actually show up.” Nat said to Veronica when they entered their apartment alone. 

“Oh my gosh, it’s fine.” Veronica shrugged it off while on a mission to add candles to the cake. 

Nat pushed her hair behind her ears and admired the wide array of the pictures hanging on the wall. Some old, some new, some landscapes, some selfies. “Where was this taken?” she pointed out a beautiful beach photo. 

“Bali.” Veronica smiled thinking of fond memories. 

“Wow. You’re so talented,” she commented. 

“Well, they beat the surveillance shots I usually take,” she said modestly. 

“Honestly, these are so beautiful,” she gushed in amazement over the gallery wall. 

“What are we doing?” Jaime came bouncing into the apartment with a half empty glass of wine. 

“WE,” Veronica enunciated, “are getting the cake ready.” She stabbed the last candle into the frosting. 

Jaime took a seat on the sofa and took an interest in the photos. She stared a little too long at Veronica’s favorite picture of Logan. 

“Someone has a muse!” she giggled. 

Veronica’s eyes raised wondering if she should take the bait. 

“Is this Logan’s mom?” Jaime stood up to get a closer look at a model shot of Lynn. She couldn’t have been more than eighteen years old, her face was full, skin flawless. 

“Yeah, that’s Lynn,” Veronica answered. 

The picture of Lynn had been the most recent addition to the wall. She moved a goofy photo of herself and Logan in New York to their bedroom to make room for this one. It was the only one he could find without Aaron and where she looked truly happy. 

After a night of discussing his latest therapy session, a few glasses of wine, solving the world’s problems they decided to make an effort to embrace the past. He admitted that he wanted to remember his mom in all the good ways. The birthday parties where she would stop at nothing to give him the world. 

Veronica always assumed Lynn threw Logan spectacular birthday parties as a reflection of herself. An excuse to remind everyone in Neptune of the Echolls’ power and status. It stormed on his tenth birthday, an amazing pool party ruined by an unforecasted thunder shower that lasted the entire day. Lynn promised they’d reschedule but did absolutely everything she could to salvage the day for her boy. For the last three years, Veronica had taken it upon herself to try and fill that role. 

“She’s so beautiful.” 

“Who’s beautiful?” A shirtless Dick emerged from the bathroom.

“What are you doing up here?” 

“Apartment one’s bathroom is ocupado,” he explained while collapsing onto the couch. “Yeah, Lynn was_ haaawwt, _” he sung. “She was the mother of all MILFs.” 

“Dick!” Veronica warned seeing he was soaking wet and leaving a puddle on the couch. 

“What?” he asked while Veronica shoved a bunch of cake forks into his hand motioning him up and out. 

“Here, make yourself useful and get your wet ass off my couch,” she glared at him. 

“Honestly, who invited this guy?” Jaime looked around. _ Who invited you, Jaime? _

_ VVVVVVVVVVVVVV _

When it was time for cake, Logan took all together too long to blow out his candles. 

“Are you making a wish for every year you’ve been alive or…” Wallace commented, picking up on Veronica’s impatience. 

“Now I have to start over,” he announced which made everyone groan and sigh in frustration. 

“C’mon!” 

“Let’s go!” 

“People are hungry Echolls!” 

“I have to make sure it’s a good one,” he explained. Veronica lifted her camera up to him and he instinctively posed. 

Finally, everyone had cheered when he blew out the candles and cake was finally being distributed. Veronica smeared a piece of cake across Logan’s mouth. He looked at her in disbelief. “I thought you looked hungry,” she smiled innocently then giggled as he pulled her into his lap. 

“Birthday kiss?” he asked before tilting his chin and moving his frosting covered lips towards her. 

Veronica leaned in and kissed him, tasting all the delicious vanilla frosting she had spent all morning perfecting. “S’ Good.” She went in for another kiss and another while everyone ate their cake.

“Looks like you two could use a plate..._ or a room. _” Mac commented under her breath in disgust. 

“Can we go to the carousel now?” Kyle asked his mom, licking the last bit of frosting off his plate. 

“We’ll go in a bit okay?” Nat looked to her older kids. “It’s naptime for Olivia.” 

“I’ll take them,” Logan said, still wiping the cake off his face. “Miss Mars? Care to join us in riding the ponies?” 

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

“Smile!” Veronica snapped some photos while they walked the pier. She was excited, she couldn’t remember the last time she rode the hand-carved horses. Logan scooped Emily up and sat her on the unicorn, her brother climbed up on the black stallion horse right beside. Veronica opted for the white mare with blonde hair which left Logan with the bright pink horse, encrusted with loads of rhinestone gems. 

Veronica snapped more pictures of the kids. “Nice princess horse, Logan!” Kyle laughed. 

“My trusty steed,” he patted the shiny black hair of his very ornate horse then posed as Veronica pointed the camera at him. 

“_ Side saddle? _” Veronica faked being impressed. “You fancy, huh?” Veronica commented, still taking photos of him. 

“I know. I'm impressive.” 

“Is there anything you can’t do?” She played coy. 

“I’ll have you know, I can’t shotput to save my life,” he frowned. 

“So close to perfect,” she snapped her fingers. 

“I know. It’s a shame.” 

When the calliope music came to life, Veronica suddenly became acutely aware of how hot it was and all the smells around her. Coconut sunscreen, barbeque and something sickly sweet, funnel cake or melted ice cream. The swirling lights and music made her stomach flip reminding her exactly how she felt earlier that morning. _ Why did I think a ride that went around in circles would be a good idea? _

Veronica flashed Logan a tight smile after the third go around. “I’m going to be sick.” 

“What?” 

“I’m going to throw up!” 

As soon as the carousel stopped, Veronica rushed off and vomited in the sand. “We’ll come back guys, just gotta take V home,” he rubbed her back. 

As soon as they got back to everyone Logan went straight for the cooler and unscrewed the cap off a bottle of water for her. 

“V barfed!’ Kyle told everyone. 

“Oh no, did you get motion sickness?” Shae asked. 

“I must have,” she took the water and gulped some back. 

“I think you’re just warm.” Logan said. 

“It better be motion sickness because I ate a ton of those ribs and that weird cake,” Dick commented rubbing his bare stomach. 

“C’mon, let’s get you out of the sun for a bit.” 

When they got inside the rush of the air conditioning felt glorious. Logan led her to the bedroom and made her lay down. “Do you feel hot?” he asked while making her drink more water. 

“No, I feel okay. I just want to lay here for a minute.” She closed her eyes and stretched out. 

Logan laid the back of his hand gently against her forehead to feel her temperature. 

“You promised you’d bring them back to the carousel,” she reminded him. 

“Kev’s taking them.” He climbed up on the bed so his face was close to hers then pressed a tender kiss against her forehead. “You know what I talked about in therapy yesterday?” 

“What did you talk about?” She ran her fingers through his hair gently. 

“My dad.” His words sounded the most upbeat they had ever sounded when talking about Aaron. “I didn’t tell him anything. It’s interesting that he wanted to talk about my father the day before I found out I'm going to be one.” She was surprised that he seemed amused by this.

Veronica’s hand gently moved down to rest against his cheek. “Are you worried?” she asked softly with a gentle caress. 

“About being like him?” he half-laughed. “No.” He shook his head purposely. “Not even a little bit. You think I'd ever want to do this if I was worried?” 

She shook her head then smiled at him, her eyes sparkling. “We need to have some big talks, by the way,” she said. “We’re going to have to get on the same page about how we are going to raise this thing.” 

“Boarding school obviously.” 

“Logan,” she sighed. 

“Okay, this might sound crazy but hear me out,” he flipped onto his back and held his hands out above him. “I was thinking,” he spread his hands out like he was imagining a window. “It could live with us,” he waited a beat then turned to face her with a smirk. 

“I was thinking more about the display of generosity to which I’ve never seen before.” 

“One trip to a toy store and it’s a big display of generosity?” 

Veronica’s eyebrows raised, “I’m talking about the tickets to Disneyland,” she said seriously. When the Ricks family arrived, Logan discretely handed Nat an envelope full of annual passes. 

“Other people’s kids are fun to spoil,” he said while looking down at the bedsheets. It was as if he was expecting this conversation to come up.

“It made Nat uncomfortable.” 

Logan scoffed, “It makes Nat uncomfortable because she thinks they owe me something,” he thought for a moment. “I just feel like what’s the point of having all this money if I can’t spoil them once in a while?” 

Most of Logan’s money was locked in trusts, growing exponentially by the hour. Most of it was earmarked for worthy charities. Still, the amount of money he had access to was obscene to Veronica. The thought of his immense wealth intimidated her, even after all these years. 

“I love how excited you are to spoil the kids. I know you just want to show them a good time and I love you so much for it but I just...” she sighed slightly. “We were not raised the same and I think you know that Emily and Kyle would love you just as much without all the,” she waved her hand in the air. “I guess what I'm trying to say is, I really want to avoid raising an 09er.”

“I’m not sure how to ease all those swirling ideas in your brain but,” he pressed a kiss to her cheek. “I want you to know that I plan to overuse the phrase, ‘Ask your mother.’ ” Veronica laughed. 

“Don’t hide in here with me. There’s a lot of people outside. A lot of people celebrating you for existing. Enjoy it now, once this thing comes out, _ you’ll be dust _.” 

“I think I'm okay with that,” he smiled. “Hey, if we do let this small human with our DNA live with us, we’re going to have to move.” 

“We’re not moving.” 

“Yes, we are.” 

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

When Veronica woke up she realized it was now dark. She sighed disappointed that no one came to wake her. She checked her phone and realized she had slept for almost three hours. She felt guilty that she wasn’t there to say goodbye to most of their guests. Mac would surely be gone by now. When she made it out to the kitchen she was met with voices from the apartment below talking about her. 

Shae’s voice carried all the way from the downstairs patio. “Should I retrieve your girlfriend?” 

“No. No. Shae. Leave her. Please leave her.” Logan said. 

Veronica smiled and poured herself a glass of club soda and added lime before joining everyone outside. 

“I’ll deal.” Veronica smiled happily hearing that Mac was still there. She hadn’t missed saying goodbye to the important people. 

“It’s so cute! So cute. How often do highschool sweethearts stay together into their thirties?” she spoke too soon. Jaime’s voice was loud and patronizing. The thought of them being considered ‘highschool sweethearts’ was laughable to Veronica. She wondered if Jamie had envisioned their relationship to have taken a Prom King and Queen path opposed to the dark reality. 

“She lives!” Dick announced when Veronica slid the sliding door open. 

“Honestly, you guys should just get married already.” Jaime looked at her. Veronica was thrown for a loop while Jaime moved her own chair, making space and allowing her to sit beside Logan. 

Veronica shrugged. “We’re not the marrying type,” she said confidently while claiming her seat beside her man. 

“Veronica, what was this guy like in highschool?” Kevin asked. 

“God, Where do I start?”

“Hey, I was cool in highschool,” his arm wrapped around the back of her chair. He then looked at her and quietly asked how she was feeling, she smiled to let him know she was good and rested her head gently against his shoulder. He stroked her back up and down in a comforting way. 

“He had orange pants,” Wallace told Kevin. 

“Oh, I see. This is roast Logan night,” he grinned while tapping the edge of his cards on the table. 

“Aww, do you want us to stop?” 

“To loop back around to the earlier conversation, there was nothing funny about my X-Terra.” 

“That’s kind of true. Veronica drove a Le Baron back then.” Mac chimed in. “The X-Terra was pretty cool in highschool.” 

“Spoken like the true owner of a Volkswagen Bug,” Dick chortled. 

“That’s what I’m saying. It’s all about context! It was cool in highschool.”

“It had the perfect amount of space for boards.” Logan explained. _ The board! _

“And talk about a roomy backseat!” Dick’s said with a feminine voice, his eyes widened. Everyone laughed. Logan looked to Veronica. 

“No complaints!” she shrugged causing everyone to laugh. 

“Ah, maybe I should find myself one,” he bit his lip. 

“You would not be caught dead in an X-Terra today.” Dick dismissed him. 

“If I saw one today, I’d buy it.” 

“We see them all the time.” 

“Not yellow,” Logan lifted his finger into the air. 

“It was yellow?” Nat burst into laughter. “My god, you’re obnoxious.” 

Veronica inhaled loudly as Pony rested his head on her lap. “Hi!” she leaned down and kissed his head before he made his way around the table wanting attention from everyone. 

“Hey Pony. Hey buddy.” Kevin patted the dog as he walked by. “You should try and get him to be a sniffing dog. Can I give him some of this?” Kevin pointed to a plate of scraps and asked Veronica who immediately shook her head no. 

“No table scraps. I can get you some treats to give him.” Veronica got up from the table bringing her glass with her. She went inside and opened Pony’s treat jar. Her stomach lurched at the smell of dehydrated beef. She exhaled and steadied herself before returning to the patio. 

“Pony sit,” Kevin continued to feed him treats. “Good boy,” he praised the large dog. “I expected a Bloodhound or maybe a German Shepherd for you guys. Not this guy.” He scratched behind his ears. 

“I used to have a Pitbull.” Veronica smirked. 

“That I can see.”

Kevin started asking Veronica about work and she mentioned she was currently looking through cold case files. “Maybe you could run some names for me?” she grinned. 

“You know, I’m starting to think she only keeps us around for our intel,” Kevin looked to Logan. 

“AND,” Veronica’s eyes widened, “... your ability to look good doing it.”

“Sure, I’ll run a couple names for you,” Kevin said easily while dealing the cards out. 

“I see your orange pants and I raise you one ridiculous white tux.” 

“THE WHITE TUX!” 

“Okay, tell me about the white tux.” Nat begged. “I need to know about the tux!” 

“Will the roast never end?” 

“Hmm, do you remember who designed that tux, Wallace?” Veronica asked. 

“Oh let me see...The same designer that was designing…”

“Daniel Craig’s suit for the Casino Royale premiere!” Veronica and Wallace said in unison and then laughed. 

“I’m learning so much!” Jamie looked around the table with a giggle. 

When Veronica got up from the table. “It just occurred to me that the birthday boy did not open my present. So will you kindly cover your eyes Mr. Echolls?” she gestured for Dick to come and help her. 

Logan pressed his hands together in a praying position, “Yellow X-Terra. Yellow X-terra. Please god, yellow X-Terra.” 

“Was that your birthday wish?” Wallace teased. 

Logan was instructed to cover his eyes again. “No peeking!” Kevin said in a funny voice. 

When Veronica and Dick were outside with the board everyone kept quiet. “How’d you find a yellow X-Terra at this hour?!” Kevin called out. 

“Okay open ‘em! ” Veronica said. 

When he lowered his hands he whistled, impressed by the board, his face elated. “That’s sexy.” He stood up to get a closer look and Dick helped Veronica turn it to expose the signatures. Veronica wasn’t exactly sure what his response would be but she knew he’d love it. He was silent and then he smiled so brightly Veronica couldn’t help but laugh. “I can’t use it.” He said it like he was apologizing to her then took another look.

“I knew you were going to say that.” 

“Where am I going to put it? We have to move.” 

“Yeah, that will sooner be hung over your bed than going near the ocean,” Wallace commented once he saw the signatures. 

“Thank you!” Logan wrapped his arms around her. 

“You like?”

“I love.” His smile was so genuine, his eyes twinkled as he bent to kiss her. 

“Umm, I helped.” Dick rested his hand on his bare chest. “So I mean...” he held his hands out for a hug and Logan sighed before giving him an obligatory back smack. 

When Veronica went back inside to refill her drink, she could see he was still checking it out with Dick. “Dude. I mean, you could just use it.” 

“No. I’m not going to use it.” 

“Jimmy said he could lacquer it. I asked.” 

“I’m not using it.” 

Veronica laughed to herself. She called it. 

“Hey.” Shae slipped into the apartment. “Just gotta check on the littlest Fennel. My baby monitor died,” she gently nudged the bedroom door open. “I can grab you a bug or a nanny cam,” she offered. “Video feeds right to my phone so you can watch him from the patio.” 

“That’s ok. We’ll probably head out soon.” She slowly closed the door as quietly as possible knowing there were lots of little ones sleeping in the bedrooms just down the hall. 

“Damn, he’s cute.” Veronica said. “But I wouldn't expect anything less from you two.” 

Veronica could feel Shae’s eyes on her before she went to get more treats for Pony. With Shae standing there she held her breath and opened the jar. 

“How far along are you?” Shae asked. 

Veronica froze in place before she slowly looked up. “_What? _” she asked in a near whisper.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

**MARCH 2019 **

**AFTER**

Veronica scraped her entire plate of dinner into Pony’s bowl then left the dirty plate on the counter. She figured she could deal with it in the morning since she would be living on her own for the next four to six weeks. It was almost a relief to be on her own, no one there to analyze her every move. No one was going to judge her for the liquid dinner she preferred to the well-balanced meal she just gave to the dog. She knew the healthy choice would have been to actually eat her dinner, get out of the apartment and take Pony for a walk, but instead she sucked some of the wine off the top of her too-full glass before carrying it into the living room. She was supposed to set up cameras for her client, Karsyn in the morning but figured after finishing off the bottle of wine, she’d push that to noon. She picked up her unloaded gun that was sitting on the coffee table and brought it into the spare bedroom to load it. 

The room was still piled high with belongings, boxes that were never unpacked. Stacked up picture frames from her gallery wall she never bothered to put back up. She pushed her way through the laundry baskets and crouched down in front of the safe. The floor was littered with junk, an errant epaulette from Logan’s uniform, his stress ball, wooden wind chimes she once treasured, a milk bone that was so old Pony didn’t even want it. 

With a few turns of the dial the safe popped open and she was able to slip the magazine back in her gun. Before she could close it, she noticed her old camera sitting on the top. Logan had purchased her a new one for her birthday and she’d been using that one exclusively. After a few gulps of her wine she reached for it and clicked the memory card out with haste. She threw it in the safe as if it might bite if she held it for too long. Pony had pushed his way into the room to investigate why she wasn't paying attention to him. A sad laugh escaped her when his cold nose nudged up against her in an almost comforting way. “Nothing gets past you, Pone,” she whispered before wrapping her arm around the dog’s neck. 

She finished the rest of her wine still seated on the floor in front of the open safe. The memory card was still holding her attention. There had been many times when she had considered deleting everything that was stored on it. Wiping it clean so it no longer weighed heavy on her heart. But she could never bring herself to do it. They weren’t solely her memories to wipe away. They had been Logan’s too. And if he had wanted to see them someday it would be devastating if she had to tell him that she took it upon herself to destroy every last memory of their baby all because _ she _ couldn’t deal with the idea they existed. 

She slipped another memory card into her camera and felt her whole body shudder at the images of Logan with Emily and Olivia on his birthday. The images made her feel nostalgic and sad. She kept clicking through until she stopped on the photo of Logan blowing out birthday candles and her eyes settled on the date stamp. 

The sudden realization and rush of guilt made her feel ill, she could practically hear her heart thumping in her chest. Veronica rushed to her laptop and ripped the lid open. She tried Skype. She tried it again and again but there was no answer. Using the sleeves of her shirt she wiped at her face but the tears kept coming. “Please,” she pleaded as she stared at the screen. 

After twenty minutes still nothing. She dumped her glass of wine in the sink and cursed herself. _ How could I? _

When Skype chimed and the window opened and she saw his face, she rushed over. “_ Happy birthday, baby _,” she smiled weakly while stifling a sniff. 

“Thank you,” he smiled brightly which made her feel worse. She immediately and profusely apologized. “Oh my god.” She shook her head back and forth. “I’m so sorry, Logan,” she said genuinely. 

Her lips curled down and trembled. “I can’t believe...I'm so, so sorry,” she cried. 

“It’s okay. S’ok. Veronica. It’s okay,” he assured her. “Don’t. Don’t...” he closed his eyes. “It’s okay. Really.”

“You should have said something.” She moaned again, chastising herself, feeling so badly how she completely forgot about today.

“I didn’t feel much like celebrating,” he admitted with a gentle shrug. 

Veronica nodded in understanding, her lips twisting to keep herself from sobbing. “Birthdays have been pretty crummy _ lately _.” She thought of her own birthday and covered her eyes.

“Yeah,” he inhaled and she could see him wiping at his own eyes. Veronica instinctively moved her hand so it was resting on the back of the laptop screen, cupping it gently as if he could feel her through the screen. 

“I’m going to go to that group therapy thing,” she blurted out. He had mentioned it to her several times but she shrugged it off thinking it was a load of crap and would do nothing to make her feel better. She still didn’t have much faith in it but she’d do anything for him right now. 

Logan’s eyes seemed to light up at her words.“You are?” he asked with unmistakable relief in his voice. 

“I am. I’m going to try.”

This time she really meant it. 

  
  
  
  



	7. The Best Of Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Veronica finally reaches out for help.

The Best of Us 

APRIL 

2018

BEFORE

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

As promised, Veronica kept Mac’s goodbye party small. Just a few friends, some beloved clients and Keith. Over the course of the evening Mac noticed Veronica giving her longing stares and wondered if this is what it must feel like to attend your own funeral. Around midnight everyone had left and it was just her and Veronica sitting out on the balcony. “You know I’m not dying, right?” she asked. “I really don’t want you to be upset,” she looked at her seriously. “It’s just time for me to move on. You don’t need me. Stop!” 

“Stop what?” 

“Looking at me wistfully.” 

Veronica rolled her eyes, “Mac leaving? _ Who cares _...” before she extended her arms and pulled her friend in close. She squeezed her tightly, letting her chin rest on her shoulder and took a deep steadying breath. 

“I’m really going to miss you,” Mac said as they pulled apart. 

“Well, I think you’ll be too busy and too important to be running background checks or watching boring surveillance videos for me.” Veronica looked away to avoid how heavy the space between them was becoming. 

“Yeah, that’s what I’m going to miss.” Mac played along so Veronica could keep the hard shell she’d always prided herself on. It was perfect timing when the sliding door opened with an audible swoosh and Pony came barreling out. Logan was just behind carrying a bottle under his arm, stemware carefully balanced in his hand by their bases. 

Noticing the sadness in both women’s eyes Logan decided to lighten the mood. “The Hallmark portion of this evening has come to a close.” He turned his hand right side up and set three champagne flutes on the patio table in front of them. He then presented Mac with a bottle of champagne over his arm like a server at a fancy restaurant might. 

“Oh no, I think I’ve had enough and I think I should probably think about calling a...” Before she could finish her thought Logan popped the bottle open with a loud bang that scared Pony. He skittishly fumbled over his long legs and hid behind Veronica’s chair. She reached around and gave him a comforting pat. 

“Oh no,” Logan looked to Mac. He delicately covered his mouth with two fingers, “_ Shiiit. _..If only you spoke up sooner,” he looked pained. “It’s the expensive kind too...” he hissed. “Considering the expense, could I convince you to indulge in a sip or two?” He then gave Mac a closer look at the bottle and it’s label which clearly stated he just opened a bottle of sparkling apple juice. Mac inhaled loudly and looked to Veronica. 

“You told me it was negative!” 

“Well it was.” She looked at Logan, “and then last week it wasn’t.” 

“Veronica!” She pulled her friend in for a big hug while Logan filled her glass. “I couldn’t very well let you leave without telling you, could I?” Veronica said with a gentle smile. “It’s really early. I’ve only had one scan. So don’t say anything. I haven’t even told my dad!” 

Logan filled Mac’s glass then spun away from her to fill Veronica’s, “Mah love,” he said with a twangy Southern accent that made her giggle. 

Mac shook her head in disbelief while accepting the flute. “To Istanbul!” Veronica lifted her glass in toast. They all clinked their flutes together and took a sip. “I prefer the ‘96 myself,” Logan scrunched his nose in distaste while he inspected the glass. 

Not long after, Veronica and Logan were standing outside in the alley way waving at Mac as her Uber drove away. “Does she want a ride to the airport tomorrow?” Logan asked while rubbing her back gently. “No, her parents want to take her,” Veronica buried her head into his chest and huffed out an exaggerated whimper. “She’s going to visit,” he assured her. “_I know_.” She looked comforted as she lifted her head for a kiss. 

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

Veronica sat in front of a prospective client, disguising slow steading breaths. “I’m I’m,” she stuttered, feeling a familiar rush of nausea and hoping she could just get through the last couple minutes of the meeting without excusing herself for the third time. “I’m not really aware of what other PIs are charging these days, but I assure you we are very thorough.” She spoke as confidently as she could while wiping the beads of sweat that accumulated on her forehead. 

“Well, I should hope so for that price.” The woman tapped her fingers on the desk showing off her hands that were drenched in diamonds. 

“So, if you want to sign these we can get,” her voice left her as a rush of water filling her mouth impeded her thoughts, it suddenly felt like the room had gone up several degrees. “So we can...” she swallowed trying to get her bearings before continuing. “So we can start!” She stood up hoping she could usher the woman out of the office before she puked all over her suede pumps. 

The woman gathered up her purse, “Great, I have twelve bins of files in my car. I’ll have my son bring them in.” 

“Twelve? Ah.” Veronica rested her hands on her lower back and smiled masking both her distaste for the caseload and her urge to puke. 

“Well that’s all I could get in my car. I can bring the other half tomorrow.” 

“The other half.” Veronica nodded. “Sure, yeah,” she nodded. “Of course.” As soon as she was in the clear she rushed to the bathroom. When she returned there were stacks of file boxes neatly piled around her desk. 

“Another finance report! I think I'm going to take that off our keywords for search optimization. Mac meant well but damn, we’re getting a lot of hits.” She guzzled some water and walked lazily over to the stacks. 

“No case too small!” Keith commented. “I’m still missing a bunch of receipts. Where did you put the one for the new cameras?” He flicked through a stack making sure he didn’t miss it. 

Veronica loved detective work but running a business came with other tasks she hated, like picking up checks, organizing files, creating invoices and taxes. Her father was not about to update to any of the latest technology while he was still around, and without Mac, she often found her afternoons to be the most tedious. “Ughgghk..” She blew air out of her mouth sounding something similar to a cat coughing up a fur-ball. She thought when you made it through the first trimester the morning sickness was supposed to stop. Just when she thought she was done with the worst of it, a new wave hit her like a ton of bricks. 

“Christ!” She lifted a lid off one of the boxes with one finger then dropped it down after seeing it was so full it was nearly bursting. “You’re not the only one who’s never heard of digital files!” as she sat at her desk. 

“I have a bail jumper if you want to trade?” he raised his brows. 

Veronica looked up, a flash of hunger in her eyes. “What kind of charge?” she asked, twirling the end of her hair around her finger, her interest clearly peaked. 

“Drugs.” Keith said simply. 

She pursed her lips thinking, “What kind of drugs?” 

“Heroin!” he said with cheer. 

“Um...that’s okay, _ I’ll take the files _,” she said sheepishly, resting her hand on her barely-there bump. 

“Apparently beggars really can be choosers.” 

Veronica shrugged then rested her head gently on her desk looking for comfort. 

“Again, I'll ask,...where did you put those receipts for the new cameras? Veronica?” he called out when she didn’t answer. “Veronica...? Receipts?” 

“Probably at the bottom of my bag,” she said pathetically with a point before going back to laying on her desk. 

“If you’re trying to put all this on me, you have another thing coming.” He dug through the office fridge to retrieve some leftover Mama Leone’s lasagna. “Hey, you got into this.” He noticed the portion was a lot smaller than he remembered. 

“I had one bite,” she moaned. 

“You know, you always say you don’t want to take home your leftovers and then you always end up eating mine...” Keith started up the microwave to heat his lunch and noticed Veronica wasn’t quick to respond. Her head was still on the desk. “There’s more if you’re still hungry,” he offered. “Veronica?” He took a few steps closer to her. “Mmm,” she lifted her hand out to silence him. 

“If you think I’m going to prepare the taxes alone...” Still Veronica was silent for another few seconds, her hand rested on the top of her head. A moment later she rose up to a seating position and grabbed for the waste bin and hovered over it for a moment. 

“You know it’s unprofessional to be hung-over at work, family business or not.” 

“I’m not hung-over,” she mumbled into her arm that she was now resting her head on. 

“What’s wrong with you?” 

Veronica thought for a moment. She just passed the twelve week mark. Her ultrasound was scheduled for the following week just waiting for Logan to get home. She could have gone alone; he told her he just didn’t want to miss this one. She knew that was a big indicator that he didn’t want to miss any of them if he could help it. 

“Well, I either have food poisoning from that lasagna that must be on...day five,” she gave her dad a look of disgust for even considering it was edible. “...or it’s because I’m pregnant.” 

Keith’s eyes shot in her direction so fast she couldn’t help but laugh. The microwave was beeping and he ignored it, “Honey?!” his eyes begged for more information. “...how likely _ is the second option _?” he asked, watching her face carefully. 

“Oh, I’d say pretty likely,” she said nonchalantly while moving her garbage can back since the nausea seemed to have faded to a point where she wasn’t worried about vomiting. 

“And this is...” he trailed off a little. “This is something you’re...” He carefully tried to feel out her thoughts. 

“Oh yeah. This was completely on purpose.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He took a seat in one of the client chairs directly in front of her desk, his face a mix of elation and surprise. 

Veronica laughed out loud. “I wasn’t under the impression we had the kind of relationship where I told you that I’m having unprotected sex for the purpose of conception,” she thought about it with an eye-squint. 

“No, you’re right, I don’t want to know that...” he glanced down at the floor and shook his head before getting up and heading towards the microwave. 

“Sometimes afterwards I even put my legs up in the air to ensure optimal...”

“OH-KAAY!” he groaned out in a stern tone. Veronica chuckled while watching him dig into his lunch. He was staring at her intently. 

“You know, you’re not married, young lady,” he pointed his fork at her with warning. 

Veronica jumped up from her chair, “OH daddy!” she clasped her hands together. “Are you going to make my shot-gun wedding dreams come true?!” her eyes blinked rapidly, “He’s a real good boy and he’s real good to me too. I promise!” 

“...I’m gunna kill him,” he took another big bite of his food. 

Veronica dead-panned, “Papa. Don’t. Preach.” 

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

Logan was right to assume Veronica’s Valley-girl alter ego, Amber, was about to join him the moment she emerged from her self-defense class with an almost deranged smile. Her blonde pony-tail swayed side to side as she skipped herself into his personal space. 

“Hi Logan!” she giggled with her raised chin. It was all too frequent. And if he was being honest, playing strangers was getting stale but the child-like joy she got out of it was enough for him to always play along. 

“Hey,” he smiled sarcastically lowering himself from a pull up bar. 

“So umm, I need like a spotter or like... something,” she spoke louder so any woman in the vicinity could hear. “I can’t do anything too strenuous because I’m _ kind of _ pregnant.” 

“OH.” He nodded slowly taking in the news. “How pregnant?” he asked seriously. 

Just before the gym they had been at the doctor’s office where they were assured that their baby was right on track for thirteen weeks. 

“Just...a touch,” she smiled with her fingers spaced closely apart. “Like this much.” 

“How much?” 

“This much.” She showed him her fingers again. 

“Is it mine?” 

Veronica almost broke character when the woman beside her nearly choked on her water. 

“I mean...” she shrugged. “Maybe? No...I don’t know.” she shrugged again. 

For the next half hour the girls pretended to use the elliptical machines while watching the object of their affection help the blonde bubblehead with her work-out. Quizzical looks stuck on their faces while watching them spend a fair amount of time practicing self-defense moves. 

“C’mon! Don’t do that,” she complained. “Don’t coddle me. I can handle it.” 

“You said go easy.” 

“Amber said go easy!” She laid flat out on the mat tired. 

“We’re going to have to make some modifications,” he ran his hand pressed lovingly against her midsection. “Hey, Can I tell Tony?” he asked. 

“I haven’t even confirmed it with my dad yet and you want to tell Tony?” she sat up. 

“I just want to tell someone,” he sighed.

“Why don’t we go over to my dad’s place now and then we can go on the ‘telling everyone’ tour around town?” she suggested. 

“Why not just post a picture of this,” he circled his index finger around her stomach, “with the caption ‘not a burrito’ and leave it at that?” 

Veronica thought. She used social media very seldomly. She only created an Instagram account so she could find out if her client’s badly injured employee had still required compensation from an injury she sustained at work and not from the skiing incident on her last vacation. 

“Ok, let’s go to your dad’s now. That way I can tell everyone,” he grinned. 

“It’s eating you alive, isn’t it?” she said excitedly. 

“Six weeks is a long time to keep a secret!” 

“Oh god. Remind me to never tell you any of my deepest and darkest,” she laughed. 

“I _ know _all your deepest darkest secrets. Me?” he pointed at his chest “Vault.” He punctuated with emphasis on the T. “But this is news not a deep dark secret.” 

“Okay, fine. Just promise me no quips. Do not even think of mentioning that our mission had actually launched before we were on the ship. I cannot stress this enough...no jokes!” she held onto his shoulders. 

“I somehow feel like we’ve done this before,” he commented. 

“Please...I really don’t need him to know that this was an accident. It doesn’t matter that we hopped on board but realized the train had already left the station.” 

“You’re super nervous.” 

“Please don’t make jokes,” she whined.

Logan rolled his eyes, “We are adults, Veronica.” 

“It doesn’t matter. He’s still my dad so when he says congratulations you have to fight every fiber of your being to not say ‘It was a pleasure’...” She closed her eyes with a cringe. 

“That isn’t even a proper response to congratulations. I’d probably say something like, ‘Thank you, it was a team effort’,” he smirked. 

“Stop.” She grabbed hold of his shoulders and gave him a shake. 

“You know...you’re warning me, yet you told him about your legs in the air ritual.” 

“I’m allowed to joke about it!” she explained. “...boyfriends don’t have the luxury of joking with their girlfriend’s father about having sex with his daughter no matter how old said girlfriend is. Them's the rules!” 

“You guys are twisted.” 

“Aww! You think?” 

Logan smiled in amusement and Veronica’s shoulders dropped. 

“You know...you think this is all very funny but if this turns out to be a little girl, like I suspect it is, someday you’ll be thankful for that rule.” 

“...you know I was hoping it would be a girl until this very moment.” 

“You’re defining my point,” she nodded with a big, sarcastic smile. 

“Veronica, when have I ever been anything but the perfect gentleman around your dad?” he kissed her forehead before throwing a towel over his neck. Veronica huffed then noticed fuschia pants had been eavesdropping. 

When Logan had gone into the locker room, Veronica looked directly at her, eyebrows knitting together in confusion, “What’s too soon to get a paternity test?” 

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

“Well it’s official!” Veronica called out while letting them into Keith’s house. “I have the proof. It wasn’t the lasagna but I would still advise you to stop eating it because _ it’s disgusting _,” she laid eyes on her dad and smiled. 

“Aw, congratulations honey!” He slowly joined them in the foyer and pulled her into a hug. “And I’m not going to stop eating it.” 

“It’s on day-seven,” she warned while pulling from their hug. Logan couldn’t help but smile whenever he had the privilege to experience their relationship banter. 

“It’s day-four tops!” he argued. “And it’s still as delicious as ever,” he shrugged. “Logan!” he called out and raised his hand for a shake, “Congratulations.” 

Veronica’s eyes snapped to Logan with warning. 

“Y-Yeah thanks,” he nodded sweetly, almost looking down at the floor. “Well maybe we should...” lifting his arms a little. Keith responded by doing the same, “Of course. Family now!” Keith smiled as they patted each other's back. It would have been awkward if it wasn’t so lovely to see; Veronica wondered if it was the hormones that brought a tear to her eye. 

The level of formality between the two had just begun to dissipate. Logan only stopped calling him Mr. Mars about a year ago. “Oh and,” he dug a sonogram photo out of his back pocket and presented it to Keith. “Thirteen weeks. About the size of a lemon,” Logan said proudly. 

Keith gestured for Veronica to hand him his glasses. He rested them on the edge of his nose and brought the image closer to his face. 

“Well, would you look at that?” staring down at it. It had been a long time since he saw a sonogram and was surprised to notice instead of a dark shadow that he was expecting, he saw a shape that actually resembled a baby. “Wow,” he shook his head gently in amazement. He truly never thought he’d be a grandfather. 

Veronica smiled lovingly at her father as he studied the image. She had never seen him look at something so carefully that hadn’t been baseball or work-related. 

“Good-looking lemon, you guys,” he said with genuine praise. 

“Right? If it looks this good now just imagine how good it will look when it’s the size of an avocado,” Veronica commented proudly glancing down, her hands resting on her hips smugly. 

“Is this for real?” he asked looking up. Keith’s face was cheerless and somber. If it had been a joke, it would have been a cruel one. “This isn’t some elaborate joke on an old man?” 

Veronica smiled lovingly at her dad. “It’s real, Pop. I have the new pant size to prove it.” 

He looked back down at the image, the words along the top MARS, VERONICA. The day’s date, italicized words across the bottom, ‘HI MOMMY AND DADDY’. 

With relief he pulled her back into a hug. “We want to tell people ourselves so don’t tell anyone yet, okay?” Veronica whispered. Keith mimed zipping his lips then continued to stare in awe as Logan explained the baby had been wiggling around like crazy.

“You know you’re going to have to clean up your language,” he looked up at his daughter now feeling more cheerful. 

“Easy peasy!” 

“Yeah, right. You can’t go five minutes without swearing!” 

“Dream on, old man!” 

“Thirteen weeks hey? I can’t believe you’ve been keeping this secret for so long.” 

Logan looked to Veronica, wide-eyed. “YEP!” she answered. 

“So when do I get my ‘World’s Greatest Grandpa mug?” 

“When you buy her a pony.” 

“Her?” Keith’s interest peaked. 

“I can feel it in my bones.” She closed her eyes and made fists with her hands. 

“Eehh,” Logan shrugged slightly, still looking at the ultrasound picture. Veronica’s eyebrows shot up with intrigue. 

“What was that?” she moved closer to him and urged him to continue. 

“I think it’s a boy,” he said simply. 

Keith pointed at Logan, “I’m with you.” 

“Care to make this interesting?” 

“Alright,” he agreed. “I win, I'm getting a bike.” He cocked one eyebrow defiantly.

Veronica’s eyes narrowed at him._ This again _. “Well it doesn’t matter because it’s a girl. When the inevitable time comes what will I win?” she lifted her chin. 

“Brand new Audi. Big bow on top.” Logan said. 

“Now we’re talking!” 

“What do I get?” Keith asked. 

“I believe you mentioned something about a World’s Greatest Grandpa mug?” Logan smiled. 

  
  
  


APRIL 

2019

AFTER

  
  


VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

It was her fourth try. Once she had gotten into the car with determination but yanked the keys out of the ignition and went back inside the apartment. Another time she had actually driven to the location but blew passed the entrance. The last time she sat in the parking lot the community center building willing herself to go inside. She stayed a full hour then left knowing the session would have concluded by then. 

Today, she made it inside the building. But still, there was a gnawing guilt, a deep fear that talking about it would only do more harm. It made her want to get back in her car and save herself the despair. She always came back to the idea that ignoring it was a slow process but talking about it now would only unfuse partially healed wounds. 

Veronica was always good at solving other people’s problems. She had been good with advice, she had been a great shoulder to lean on or cry on, a confidant, a vault. She wondered sometimes if the reason she was so good at helping others was because she had been exceptionally good at ignoring her own problems and feelings until they just weren’t at the forefront of her mind. 

Ignoring things had worked for her to some extent. The only time she thought about Shelley Pomroy’s party was when she woke up from a deep sleep not recognizing where she was. The debilitating guilt of ever allowing herself to trust those people. She put the blame all on herself even knowing none of it had been her fault. But you can’t rationalize guilt. She felt it. Those panicked seconds of shame and fear only dissipated when familiarity sunk in. 

The smell of her sheets, the feel of Logan’s arm protectively wrapped around her, all reminded her she was safe. It happened more often when she wasn’t sleeping in her own bed. If she had been on vacation or spent the night at Wallace and Shae’s. It was going on twelve years and still her subconscious wanted her to remember something she desperately wanted to forget. _ It didn’t happen. It didn’t happen. That didn’t happen. _ The memory had been so distant it was starting to feel like it happened to someone else. A young girl she couldn’t protect. _ I’m so sorry this happened to you. _

Life had been easier when she pretended she had a great relationship with her mother. If she spent any time at all thinking about Lianne she would conjure up the smell of vodka and become nauseated. Then she’d postpone one of their already infrequent Skype calls. If it wasn’t for her little brother she’d probably completely cut ties with her mother. But this was easier. It was all easier to not allow her brain to access the bad and instead focus on forgetting.

Today she knew that this was not the same thing. This would not dull as time went on if she didn’t first acknowledge it. 

Veronica pretended she was interested in a bulletin board in the lobby for far too long. Pretending she cared about the book club or cooking classes while her mind raced. It felt too contrived. Had she seen this TV show scene before? The group therapy session trope. It was almost laughable how she could nearly predict the following series of events. People arrived and greeted one another before taking seats on plastic school chairs that were formed in a circle. She opted for a seat that was not beside anyone and mindlessly scrolled through her phone so she didn’t not have to engage in all the small talk that surrounded her. At this point she wished she agreed to going with Logan to see Jane but somehow assumed this wouldn’t feel as intimate. There were more people to bear the burden and the thought of having to sit beside Logan while saying _ certain things _ made her skin crawl with discomfort. 

There was not much time to ease into this. After a quick introduction from the leader of the group, they had begun. Around and around the circle they went explaining and pouring their pain into the room so everyone could regurgitate the same words of hope and condolences. After the fourth miscarriage story, Veronica looked for an exit route. The latest term was eleven weeks. There were three women there that were all visibly pregnant again. Which felt like it’s own brand of cruel torture. She felt protective of them even if she was severely jealous. She wondered how far along they had been. It was apparent to her that this was not the right group for her. Veronica stood from her chair and tried to make a discreet exit as soon as the last person had finished speaking. She walked slowly but deliberately as if maybe she was just slipping out to use the restroom before returning. “Are you okay?” The group leader followed her into the lobby. 

“Yeah. I just have to, umm, leave,” she said quietly before turning back, pushing her sunglasses on so she didn’t have to make eye contact. 

“We haven’t gotten to your turn to speak yet. I would really like you to stay,” Veronica’s hands linked together and squeezed.

“I think I was mistaken. I don’t think this was the right session,” she nodded with a whisper while fiddling with the zipper of her leather jacket. 

“This group is for anyone who has experienced the loss of a child. We’re here to help. Please come back in.” She nearly laughed at how predictable those words had been. “Listen to me,” she said in a comforting tone, her eyes trying to make contact with Veronica’s. “You are not the first person to walk away from this, and you won’t be the last but I promise you, it’s easier to stay now. Because in a week or two you’ll wish you got the hardest part over with instead of prolonging it.” 

Veronica reluctantly sat. It felt like something was sitting on her chest, her throat sore from holding everything in. She removed her sunglasses and exposed her red, rimmed eyes, the product of another sleepless night and probably another glass of wine too many. 

“I didn’t have a miscarriage, so...” she said almost as if she was apologizing then swallowed hard. 

“We’re all here to listen if you want to share,” the leader said in a comforting tone. 

Everyone’s eyes were on her, urging her to continue, with a full body exhale she continued, “Um, ok.” She smoothed her hand over her pants. “She was born at twenty nine weeks,” she blurted out and saw a flash of pity in people’s eyes, a sympathy sound, a painful hiss like they had all simultaneously burned themselves.

She made it inside. She sat down. She listened. She spoke albeit not long but she assumed it was enough. She hoped Logan would be satisfied with that. 

There was nothing comforting about the idea that she would be the one person in today’s group that allowed everyone to go home and feel validated. Maybe even a little relieved because if a woman like Veronica made it to the session, was able to get out of bed, maybe they could do the same. 

Then, as expected, there were more questions, eyes watching and still hoping she’d continue and explain. 

“How long?” someone asked sadly. 

Veronica hated this question, as if it had mattered how long she lived. “She was born on the twentieth of August and was gone by the thirtieth.” She looked down at her hands remembering how small she was. She remembered how Logan’s hands looked gigantic when he held her. “She was supposed to be a November baby.” She tried to smile. 

“Everyone keeps saying we had her for ten days like that’s some kind of comfort. But it’s not comforting and we didn’t have her for ten days,” she shook her head. “It was eight. She was born just before midnight on the twentieth and she passed just as it became the thirtieth. So eight days.” Her glassy eyes rolled up to the ceiling. “And the worst part of it is, I wish I had her for _ less _,” her voice cracked, eyes blurring her vision while she nodded at how awful that sounded. “Because each day I had her, made every second harder to let her go.” The room was silent save for a creak of a chair. 

“What brought you here today, Veronica?” 

“_ Anger _.” she scoffed. “God, you’d think I was due for some happiness or...” she trailed off, rubbing her eye gently before she looked down at her damp fingers and rubbed them until they were dry. 

“What about your loss makes you so angry?” 

“I’m just,” she looked at the ceiling again as if she could find answers there. “_ She’s forgotten _ .” Veronica had been surprised at her own answer. She hadn’t really thought of it before. “No one remembers a one week period of someone’s else’s life.” Her teeth clenched allowing herself to feel the anger she had been harboring. “She was nothing. Not to anyone else, but to me and her father, she was just _ everything _,” she breathed. 

“Sometimes it helps to have a ceremony. Did you have a service?” 

“There was a service.” She scoffed at how dreadful that had been. “My dad...” her voice trailed off. She knew he did it to help her but it was not what she needed. She did not need a spectacle and it pained her that he put her through that. “There was this umm...easel. The director of the place had put it out and...” she gulped. “_ Her name was wrong. _ ” Then she cried. “And it really just...it reminded me that no one cared as much as I did. No one noticed like I did. I would never want to diminish anyone’s grief. I’m sorry for all of you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that any one has lost a pregnancy. I held her. And I named her and for six entire days her father and I expected, at some point, we’d get to _ take her home with us _.” 

When Veronica arrived home she immediately poured herself a glass of wine. She thought of all the things she had talked about at the session and found herself needing to see that face. The one she fell in love with so quickly. She opened the safe, took the memory card out, then slipped it into her camera. 

People told her it was unlike anything in the entire world. It was chemical. It was the most powerful phenomenon in the universe but Veronica had her reservations. For as long as she could remember, she always had high expectations for things that eventually didn’t live up to those expectations. 

She thought winning the soccer season would have been mildly exciting but when the day actually came the rush of pride lasted seconds. Now what? She had been excited about going to the Halloween dance with Lilly but obviously that never came. Graduating highschool? So lackluster in hindsight. Even law school. She had worked so hard to get in. Exciting for minutes. The only time she truly felt expectations met was when she solved a case. But even still, Riley lived up to every expectation she had and more in an instance. Becoming a mom made her understand her father more. And made her feel even more disconnected with her mother. How could Lianne have ever left her? When she left Riley at the hospital overnight she felt completely lost. 

She clicked her camera and stared at the screen. 

When she was taking these photos or asked someone else to take them she never thought they’d be so hard to look at in the future. She just wanted what all new parents want, some documentation of their child’s first days. Looking at them she could practically hear the voices of the nurses. She could hear her dad. She could hear Logan. _ Oh god, Logan. _

A nurse had taken one of the photos. It was the first time she held her baby. Another nurse had been assuring her it was okay as she reluctantly accepted her baby’s tiny two pound self in her arms. How was it possible to feel so happy yet devastated? Her tiny cries had been so heartbreaking until she finally settled against her mom. 

_ It’s ok. She’s little but she’s strong, sweetheart. I promise you won’t hurt her. _

Logan on day five of their new normal. Craning his head to get a good look at her little face while she laid comfortably on his chest. A nurse smiling sweetly while moving some monitors around. 

_ This girl loooves her daddy. _

Keith peeking at her while Veronica kissed the top of her head that rested against her chin. 

_ We can’t wait to take you home, Honey. _

Logan on a daily visit to the hospital. She remembered this one so vividly. This one had been taken hours before she had a meltdown in the car when they had to leave her there. Logan holding her tiny hand, his face smiling stupidly at his new favorite person.

_ Hi sweet thing. _

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I started this I had no idea it would take 7 chapters to lead up to the season 4 I wanted to fix. But I needed to lay the groundwork for this to make sense in my head. Thank you to everyone still reading. And to everyone who takes the time to leave kudos and write comments, I appreciate it so much! 
> 
> Huge thank-you to Aurora2020 for her amazing editing skills. You are so loved and so appreciated!


	8. Ponies not Zebras

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BEFORE: Veronica finds something Logan has been hiding 
> 
> AFTER: Logan makes a big decision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for sticking with me through this. I know this chapter took awhile but here it is! I was so happy that people took time to review and comment. THANK YOU! 
> 
> There are some lines here from season 4 ( I do NOT wish to claim them as my own for obvious reasons) 
> 
> Huge thanks to Aurora2020 for her mad beta skills and constant encouragement :)

Ponies not Zebras

BEFORE

MAY 2018

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

Before Veronica could set her bag down to greet Pony she realized she still had her client’s deposit. “Shiiiiit!” She had just finished telling her dad she would put it in the safe at the office. He had reminded her three times and yet, here it was, a manifestation of her pure, dumb pregnancy brain. She had no intention of going back to the office this weekend, and with all the spring-breakers congesting the roads the trip back and forth to the office or the bank would likely take an hour. A suggestion that they stop letting client’s pay in cash had been met with a fair point from Keith. To most people, discretion was more important than accumulated credit card points. “Fuck me,” she sighed while pulling the thick envelope out of her bag. “Cuss me!” she corrected herself before running her hand affectionately over her burgeoning belly. “I’m sorry. I’ll get this sorted out once you come earth-side. I promise.” It was still completely surreal to her that she was going to be a mom. If Logan hadn’t been constantly reading books and spitting out facts about the goings-on in her body she’d probably forget there was an actual human being growing inside her. Approaching fifteen weeks she had yet to feel any flutter of movement at all and was getting more impatient by the day. 

Feeling resourceful, Veronica grabbed a screwdriver from inside a kitchen drawer and opened the living-room air vent. “Don’t let me forget I put this here, okay?” she looked to Pony and smiled at his big cartoon-like eyes. 

When she lifted the cover off the vent she noticed items were already being stored in it. A closer look revealed she stumbled upon a treasure trove of Logan’s valuable belongings. His grandfather’s lighter, some photos. A certain one made her smile lovingly. A selfie of the two of them in highschool taken long before the term ‘selfie’ was ever coined. She continued to gently nudge her way through his stuff when something caught her eye. A small navy box. She pulled the box to the edge of the vent and gasped when she recognized the tell-tale markings. “ _ What has your daddy been up to?! _ ” Pony’s ears shot up at the excitement in her voice and he waited patiently to see if she was going to offer him a walk or a ride in the car. Veronica chewed on her lip while she stared at the ring box. She contemplated whether or not she should take a peek. Every few seconds she glanced at the front door fearing she might get caught. Her heart thumped with elation and a giddy energy made her squeak out an excited laugh.  _ God Veronica, you’re such a girl.  _

VVVVV

The following week, Veronica had put a firm halt on her usual, playful insinuations of marriage. In order to be respectful and grant Logan the thrill of surprising her, she pretended she had no idea what he was stashing away in the living-room air vent.

Veronica had been tempted to open the box more than once but ultimately decided to leave it alone. She may have known of its existence but she could still feign surprise considering she didn’t know what the ring looked like. On day seven of maintaining her perfect manicure, she got the inkling he had been waiting for her to find it. She held her phone’s flashlight up the vent and peered in. It was still exactly where she left it. That was when she decided, the next time he left the apartment she was going to retrieve it, then confront him. A girl couldn’t wait forever, her manicure was only going to last so long. 

Once the little box was in her hands, Veronica gently pulled at the opening until the hinge popped with a gentle snap and she gasped. “Ooohh,” her eyes grew wide as she fixated on the biggest diamond she had ever seen in real life. She couldn’t look away. Admittedly, even the unique box was impressive. She turned the box side to side to get a better look at the massive princess-cut middle stone and the smaller diamonds that encrusted the sides of the band. For a moment she wondered if this had been a joke but as she gently lifted the band from the box, the genuine fire sparkled so magnificently, she knew it was the real deal. The ring was so beautiful and large she was surprised he would pick it for her. Veronica spent another minute happily admiring it before she finally slipped it on her finger. The weight of the heavy diamond caused the band to spin until it rested on the edge of her palm. She immediately turned it back around and clamped her fingers together so it would stay in place. All the excitement she had once felt seemed to slowly dissipate, her smile faded and she couldn’t pull it off her finger fast enough.  _ This isn’t for me.  _

VVVVV

Repetitive waves of nausea, that had nothing to do with her pregnancy, made her stomach lurch as she stared at the ring box intended for some other woman. The longer she waited, the worse it felt. Her mind swirled with scenarios and all her questions had queued up in order of relevance.

When Logan finally walked in the door with his gym bag slung over his shoulder, he smiled.

“Forget that I know your favorite hiding place?” she smiled softly before he could even say hello. 

“Hi Veronica!” Logan greeted her with a touch of sarcasm when he noticed the box on the coffee table in front of her. “I wasn’t hiding it from you,” he answered, then set his bag on the floor. 

“It was in a hiding place,” she challenged. 

Logan slowly approached, poker-faced before sitting down in front of her. “Yeah, we really oughta get a safe.”

“Meant for someone with really expensive taste,” she continued. 

“You go on a detective mission today?” 

“Caroline Dixon’s southern charm was able to finesse her way to a digital receipt at Harry Winston.” She proudly pumped her voluminous hair. 

“Oh!” he chuckled. “I was wondering why you were teased to Jesus.” He waved his hand around with a playful flourish as he gave her disguise a once over. 

She didn’t join in on his laugh. “Went to three stores.” She admitted, looking away from him. 

“Probably a way you could have saved yourself the trouble.” His cheerful body language resolved into something rigid. “I thought we were done with this stuff?” Logan’s voice was gentle but his face was as serious as Veronica had ever seen it. 

“I thought you wanted me to find it,” she responded quickly. 

“That doesn’t really explain the detective mission.” He made a face that indicated he was disappointed, which only frustrated Veronica further. He was the one who was hiding things, yet he had the nerve to judge her? 

“I knew there was no way it was meant for me and I guess I just need confirmation who it belongs to and why you still have it.” Shamefully, she looked away again. 

“You know sometimes you cut corners when you're detecting. You’ll go to extreme lengths for a client but when you go digging for yourself you miss details and let your emotions take your imagination to dark places.” He opened the box and looked at the ring before snapping it shut. “Here, let me show you how a normal conversation between two adults could have gone. I’ll be you,” Veronica couldn’t help but crack a smile once he slumped down on the couch to make himself shorter. He then pretended to tuck long hair behind his ears. “What?” he responded to her snicker. “I’m Veronica, I'm cute and I know it,” he continued. 

“Hey Logan,” he said in a sweet feminine voice pretending to be her. “I found this in the vent. What’s this about?” 

And just like that, without any real explanation she knew she should have asked him instead of going behind his back. Old habits always died hard for her. There was no other thought in her mind, she wanted to go straight to the source instead of asking him. She didn’t want to give him any opportunity to lie. Now she realized how stupid that had been. 

Logan sat up straight, “And now I'll be Logan!” he explained. “Veronica, this was my mom’s ring. It’s a little flashy but if you’d like it, it’s all yours,” he said simply before he popped the box open. “See how much of a time saver that was?” he held his hand palm up in offering and smiled. 

Veronica’s eyes fell, “Logan,” her jaw clenched. “While I appreciate the commitment to your lie. I saw the signed receipt. I know you didn’t buy your mom a diamond ring in 2013.” She gathered herself off the couch with the intent to go to the bedroom and sulk. 

Logan’s eyes narrowed, “Oh..how much was it?” he asked her. 

Once she was standing her eyes widened in disbelief, “I...God I don’t know. As much as a small island off the coast of Greece?!” she let out a gentle sarcastic laugh. 

“You said you found the receipt,” he challenged, snapping the box closed. 

“Well I wasn’t exactly interested in finding out once I knew you were holding on to an engagement ring you bought it in 2013.” Her mind swirled back to the moment she saw the receipt. How unbelievably sad she felt that he had planned to propose to someone else with this ring. How she stupidly waited for something that was never going to happen. How he was compelled to ask someone else but not her. 

“I didn’t buy an engagement ring,” he said honestly. “I bought a diamond to replace one that was missing.” He picked up the box and pulled the ring out. “This one right here.” He pointed to a small diamond on the side. “It was in a safety deposit box for years. I had to make a payment to leave it there, or pick it up. I picked it up. When I got it, I noticed there was a missing diamond so I had it replaced.” He watched her carefully. “I guess it was 2013,” he said flippantly. 

“Why did she keep it in a safety deposit box?” Veronica inquired with vested interest and fought the urge to cross her arms. 

Logan sighed, knowing she still didn’t believe him. “She didn’t. Not normally. I guess she put it there in my name before she... _ before things got bad _ ,” he inhaled. “Probably wanted to make sure Trina wouldn’t get her hands on it.” He continued to look at it pensively. 

“Why would you bother to have the diamond replaced?” she continued her interrogation. 

Annoyed, Logan’s eyebrows knitted together. “It was my mom’s,” he said cheerlessly. “And she loved it. Why wouldn’t I?” he sounded surprised by her lack of empathy. Considering her reaction was probably more to do with the idea she still didn’t believe him, he continued. “I have nothing of hers! The only photos I have of her are my from my aunt. So I was very happy to bring it home with me. I wasn’t trying to hide it from you. I just didn’t think you’d care about it. It’s not really your style.” He moved himself up from the couch when he noticed she still was still thinking. “I’m sure I have a picture of her wearing it somewhere.” He seemed impatient but willing to do anything to produce proof and end this investigation. 

Veronica’s eyes softened immediately. She had made it all about herself when really it was so much more than that. “Logan, don’t.” She gestured for him to sit down with her. “So this was your mom’s wedding ring?” she asked, gently lowering herself back down. 

“No.” His lips pulled to the side and he nearly laughed. “That’s the best part. Some guy proposed to her before she met my dad. My grandfather forbade them from getting married because he thought she was too young. The guy let her keep it. She loved it more than anything Aaron ever gave her but she could only wear it when he was out of town. He once told her he’d cut her finger off with a cigar cutter if she ever wore it again. That was a happy Thanksgiving!” he exclaimed sarcastically and Veronica shifted uncomfortably. 

Logan looked back down at the ring affectionately. “The most treasured piece she owned was from someone else.” He nodded amused by the notion. “ He was a nice guy too. I met him a few times. While ago I actually got it in my head that maybe he was my real father.” 

Veronica’s eyebrows raised, intrigued with this new information. Logan noticed her reaction and laughed. “Nah, I looked into it. Unfortunately I’m 100% Echolls spawn. God, I would have loved to be the product of some torrid love affair.” He smirked and Veronica made a noise through her nose. 

After a moment, Veronica spoke. “When I first saw it I did think it was for me,” she bit her lip and suddenly felt incredibly vulnerable. 

“And you were happy?” he asked slowly. “Or terrified?” he added. 

Veronica didn’t respond, she looked away from him. Admitting she had been over the moon excited would have been an unbearable amount of pressure put on him if he didn’t want to get married. “I was um,” she looked at the ceiling trying to muster up the strength to just admit it. 

“Veronica?” he said seriously when she didn’t speak. “Help me out here because I'm getting mixed signals. Do you want to get married?” He said it in a way that sounded surprisingly easy. 

She sat still, staring at the ring box, thinking of how such a simple question could lead to so many other complicated decisions. “We said we weren’t going to do that,” she said softly then tore her sparkling eyes away from the box to finally look at him. 

“Do you want to?” He was frozen in place, analyzing her beautiful face, waiting for any signal to drop onto one knee. 

“We always said it was just a piece of paper,” she whispered. 

“Do you want the piece of paper?” His voice was soft but serious. Veronica tried to wrack her brain fishing for the reason she thought she wanted it in the first place. 

“If you just want the ring just for fun, it’s yours,” he said, moving himself closer to her. “If you want it to be an engagement ring, then make some room I’ll propose right here.” He pointed at the ground and Veronica laughed lightly before she gulped. 

“If you want a new ring, done. If you don’t want a ring at all and just want the ceremony and paperwork to show we are committed, okay!” He said excitedly. “Hell if you want to get married for the party alone, I'm in! Just tell me what you want so I know.” 

Veronica thought about what that really meant. She never wanted to get married. It was a formality that wouldn’t change a thing. “What do you want?” she asked. 

“I just want what you want,” he said simply. 

“Married people suck,” she said quietly. “We are committed right? A ring or a piece of paper isn’t going to change that. And maybe getting married wouldn’t change anything either but we are so good right now. We’ve never been better. I love what we have.” She got herself off the couch and lifted her arms signalling that she wanted him to hug her. Logan immediately wrapped her up in his arms. 

After a moment he pulled back, “You’re sure?” he looked straight into her eyes while stroking the pieces of hair that framed her face. “I want to marry you if you want to marry me,” he smiled. 

She shook her head, “I don’t want it. Because we don’t need it.” She placed her hands on his face. “We don’t need it.” she repeated herself before she placed her hands on his face and moved in to kiss him deeply. 

Her bottom lip brushed his softly when she pulled back. “When you think about it. It’s pretty sad that some people need silly things like rings and papers to be committed. We have all the commitment we need right here.” She moved back from him slightly and rested her hands on her stomach. “I don’t think it gets more committed than this.” 

“Together forever whether you like me or not.” He pressed a lingering kiss to her forehead. 

Veronica took hold of his elbows and made him look at her. “I’m sorry for making you think I don’t trust you. But I found a ring that didn’t belong to me,” she explained while her eyes sparkled in apology. “Occam’s razor and all that,” she smiled self-consciously. 

Logan kissed her forehead long and lingering then pulled back. “You can take the girl out of the night goggles but you can’t take the night goggles out of the girl.” Veronica had been amazed at how he always excused her behavior so easily. 

“ _ Hey Veronica _ ,” he whispered, looking directly into her eyes. “ _ Think horses not zebras. _ ” 

“ _ I’ll try _ .” She smiled and gave him a reassuring nod. 

“I admit I’ve been on a secret mission myself.” 

“Oh?” she urged him to continue. 

“I found us a house!” 

Genuinely surprised, Veronica blinked in disbelief. “You did?”

“Actually, I found several houses. You get to pick!” he grasped her chin causing it to cleft and pressed a firm kiss to it before getting up to show her the listings. 

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

AFTER

APRIL 2019

Dick reached over and turned the music down at Logan’s request. “You know I don’t mind being your chauffeur. The last minute call for a pick-up was fine. Listening to you backseat-drive, again, fine. Bossing me around, ok. But I’m going to have to draw the line at unloading your bags.” 

Logan ignored him. He hadn’t been in a playful mood and he wished Dick would clue-in and shut up. “That is of course, unless there is a tip involved.” he joked. “What’s the going rate for a chauffeur these days?” 

“Drive up there.” Logan ordered with a point. They couldn’t stay long. Driving slowly and surveilling this street would surely start to cause suspicion. “Pull over here.” Logan rolled down his window and unbuckled.

Once the car stopped, Logan shoved his sunglasses to the top of his head and practically pushed himself out of the window to get a better look. The house was just as beautiful as he remembered. A stunning achievement in both architecture and function. He’d have to admit, the addition of plants that led up the front porch looked nice, even if they sadly reminded him that it was someone else’s home now.

“You made me drive all the way here and you’re not even going to get out of the car?” Dick’s eyes bulged out of his head. 

“What do you suggest I do, Dick? Knock on the door and say what? ‘Hey, I used to own this place. Mind if I take a snoop around and make sure you didn’t ruin it.’” Silently he gestured for Dick to drive closer. Dick did what he was told and drove so he had an even better view of the home he intended to raise his family in. 

“ _ They painted my fucking door _ ,” Logan mumbled noticing the shade of orange he agonized over had been refinished with a plain white. The idea that anyone made changes to  _ his house  _ was obscene to him, borderline offensive even. 

“Maybe you should sue them for altering your property!” Dick’s voice was chipper and sarcastic. “OH wait, you don’t live there anymore.” Logan knew it was a strange day when Dick made sense but he couldn’t look away. He had hundreds of pictures of the house. The entire renovation process, some time lapse videos but still nothing compared to how amazing it looked up close. It had a presence that was indescribable. Veronica had mentioned so many times it just felt like home. 

After a moment, Dick complained. “Okay, we came, we stalked, we conquered. Can we go now?” He squeezed the steering wheel and snapped his gum. Logan was silent as he observed the street. 

“Dude, I get it.” His tone changed when Logan didn’t respond. “You worked really hard on it and now you’re back to living in that storage unit you call an apartment. It sucks but you have to...” He stopped talking when he noticed his friend still wasn’t listening. The house’s back gate had opened revealing a perfect slice of ocean and Logan’s eyes were transfixed. A young girl, no older than ten pulled her Tiffany blue bike through the gate. She stopped on the path that was bordered with agave and other succulents to put her helmet on over her whiteblond hair. 

Abruptly, Logan turned himself away from the passenger window. “Let’s go.” He put his sunglasses back on and ran his hand along the top of the car absentmindedly until he reached the grab handle. He slipped his fingers around it and grasped tightly. 

Dick wanted to say something but couldn’t quite find the right words. He lifted his hand thinking he’d place it on Logan’s shoulder but he didn’t have a plan on what to do or say after. “Wanna get a beer?” he suggested thoughtfully. Without a word, Logan stiffly shook his head to decline and Dick quickly peeled the car away from the curb seeing his buddy getting more uncomfortable by the second. Logan looked back for a brief moment to see his perfect slice of ocean one last time before the gate closed. 

“I need to make one more stop.” 

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

“Are my eyes deceiving me ?” Keith happily stood up from his desk to see Logan. “Did you just get home now?” he moved closer to greet him. 

“Just now,” Logan confirmed with a nod. 

“Welcome back.” He said brightly. Keith realized it was unlikely Logan was there to see him. “Veronica’s not here.” 

“Yeah I know. Can we talk?” 

There was something about Logan’s voice that made him feel uneasy. “Of course.” Keith pointed to the chair facing his desk and encouraged him to sit. 

“Is everything okay?” 

Logan hesitated for a moment as he took the seat directly in front of Keith’s desk, “I want to ask Veronica to marry me.” 

Keith wasn’t sure what he expected Logan to say, but it wasn’t that. Of course he anticipated that Logan would ask for his blessing at some point but this seemed like an odd proclamation for something that required them to be seated. Keith smiled and sat back. Before he could respond, Logan had interrupted him.

“I’d never ask her to take my name or anything. I wouldn’t saddle her with that.” He smiled weakly which caused Keith to grimace. 

Logan had considered changing his name a few times, it had its benefits. Namely, anonymity but now that felt like cowardice. He might not have been proud of his last name, but it was who he was. Realizing his father’s sins did not decide his future had been a big step for him, he was determined to embrace everything he had accomplished despite his ancestry. 

“I’m asking for your blessing. And not just as a formality.” His words came out mumbled as he traced a line over his hand. “I need to know that you are not only okay with me asking her, but okay with  _ me _ in general.” His eyes finally lifted to meet Keith’s. 

Keith looked speechless as he wheeled his office chair closer to the desk. “Logan, forgive me but I’m a little confused.” He wondered what brought on this conversation. His relationship with Logan had been just fine as far as he could tell. “Have I done something for you to think I have a problem with you?” he asked apologetically. 

Logan’s eyes dropped down and he continued to trace his hand. What he wanted to say was, no. He wanted to assure Keith that everything had been fine and apologize for bothering him in the middle of his work day. He wanted to force down the tension he felt and never bring it up again. 

“I never formally apologized to you,” he began. 

“Oh.” Keith closed his eyes. It didn’t take Keith long to figure out exactly what Logan was referring to. “Don’t worry about any of that. I’m not holding any of that against you. I never did.” He said assuringly. “We’re good.” 

“You say that but...” 

Keith interrupted him. “No. We’re good,” he said again, shutting down the conversation. Logan had seen the exact reaction many times reflected in Veronica. 

“Well at least let me actually apologize for my behavior.” He thought about how he spoke to Keith in the heat of the moment some months back. “I’m sorry.”

“You had a reason to be upset with me.” Keith said shamefully. “I’m sorry too.” Keith tilted his head to the side. “I have tunnel vision when it comes to Veronica and I’m truly sorry if anything I did makes you feel like I’m not okay with you, or I don’t respect you because that could not be further from the truth.” 

“I get it. You know,” he shrugged and looked up at the ceiling briefly. “She’s all I have too.” 

Keith nodded in understanding. “Yes.” 

“I only brought this up because I want you to know I would never do anything to get in the way of your relationship. I want us to be family.” 

“Well, you have my blessing. You’ve had it for years. I'm actually surprised it’s taken this long,” he smiled. “I’ve already been calling you my son-in-law for two years. My son-in-law, who’s in the Navy.” His eyes widened to punctuate how serious he was. “Talk about cool points at the golf club!” He made a funny face. 

Logan chuckled and scrubbed a hand over his face then smiled pathetically. “I’ve had the ring for far longer than I care to admit, waiting for the perfect opportunity.” he sighed. 

“And today’s perfect?” Keith questioned with a smile. 

“No.” Logan grinned thinking about the ring in his bag. “But I can’t keep waiting for perfect.” 

“So, how ya going to do it?” 

“She snoops through my bag looking for hints to where I've been. I was thinking about just putting it in there and letting her find it,” he stood up. 

Keith laughed thinking that sounded perfect. “I can give you the address of her client if you want it? Her name is Karla or something,” he rifled through a stack of files on his desk. “Karlton? Karsyn!”

“No. No. That’s okay. I’ll see her later. Thanks Keith.” He walked around closer and held his hand out for a shake. 

“Logan, stop with the handshakes already. I know you’re a Navy man but it’s a bit formal for family don’t you think?” He stood and pulled him into a tight hug. Keith smiled when Logan held on for a little longer than he expected. 

When Logan was leaving the office, Keith called out, “Hey kid, don’t make it easy for her,” he smiled. 

“Where’s the fun in that?” he smiled back. “I’m going to take it out of the box.” 

Keith endorsed this plan with a simple clap and a point as Logan left the building. 

VVVVVVV

“Logan back?” As soon as he asked, he regretted it. Old man Keith, ruining the surprise as always. He had been putting his foot in his mouth a lot lately and he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself if he gave up Logan’s whereabouts. 

“No. Just me and Pony.” Veronica said. “Logan's in Somalia. Maybe... Burundi? Aleppo. Chernobyl? I don't know.” she sighed. 

Keith could sense Veronica’s sadness and smiled knowingly. “Do you expect sympathy from a man who couldn't stop his teenage daughter from poking around murder cases?”

When Keith asked if she wanted to go to the city council meeting with him, he knew she would never accept. Just as well, she’d have more important things on the horizon. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, episode 4X01 covered next!


	9. Missing You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter covers events that took place in episode 4.01. 
> 
> I have taken some original dialogue from the episode. I don’t wish to claim the beach scene or the proposal as my own but they needed to remain intact for this version of the story I’m telling. Just so you're aware, there's a little bit of smut in this chapter ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with me through this 
> 
> Special thanks to Aurora2020 who is my amazing beta! Thank you for the consistent quality of your editing and for always making me laugh.

Missing You 

BEFORE

MAY 2018

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

“This house is 6.4 million dollars and has a tennis court,” Veronica said while looking at the listing on her phone. 

“Under budget you say?” Logan said enthusiastically and lifted his index finger into the air in triumph. 

“I’m not impressed, Logan.” She peered at him over her sunglasses that were perched on the tip of her nose. 

“You said you’d be a ray of sunshine and positivity today. This doesn’t seem positive,” he tutted before tapping her on the nose. 

“You have got to be kidding me.” She shook her head as Logan put the car in park. “This is a joke, right?” Her mouth fell open as her eyes roamed over what could only be described as an estate. They would never see each other again if they lived in this house. 

Veronica’s worries about the home had been confirmed when they stepped inside the front door. The immaculate and cold mansion was quiet. Scary quiet. Finally the sound of the realtor's heels rushed in to join them in the foyer and broke up the silence had become too much. 

“Ok! HA-HA,” she looked over at Logan. 

“Veronica, shhh” he shushed her then smiled happily joking that she was embarrassing him. 

“I just have one person left looking and then we can head to your place,” the realtor explained. 

Veronica sighed in relief then thought, “Um, what place?” 

AFTER

APRIL 2019

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

It took Logan three times as long as it normally would just to walk up the apartment stairs with all the riff-raff loitering around. He had politely asked one of the distracted kids if he would move out of his way three times before he grumbled something about how it was great that manners were still at the forefront of child rearing when the kid, with his back still turned, stood up. 

“Wha’d you say?” Logan cocked an eyebrow in response to the punk’s attempt to sound threatening. Then he vocalized his request once more. “Move.” Thankfully the kid, in desperate need of a haircut, backed down immediately letting Logan by. 

When he finally entered the apartment, Pony was so happy to see him, he practically pushed him over. “Hi!” He got down to the dog’s level and patted him, roughing up his fur. “I missed you.” Crouching down further he gave him the attention he desperately craved. 

Still holding on to Pony, Logan glanced around the “home” he hadn’t seen in over a month. He’d say it was good to be home but that would have been a flat out lie. He could say it was good to be back in California. He could also say it was good to be in Neptune. But it was not good to be in this apartment. Veronica often described the barely two bedroom unit as cozy. Logan thought of it more as a tiny cage of ceaseless captivity. 

Pony followed Logan further into the living room and he dug through his duffle bag until he found the ring box. He popped it open and pulled out the ring, then stared at it for a moment and smiled. “What?” he asked Pony, “You think it’s too small? I know. I thought so too,” he said with a raise of his eyebrows. “But your mom is a woman of simple tastes and I think she’ll like it.” With one more glance, he gently placed it in the side pocket of his bag then proudly set it on the floor. “Now we wait,” he explained, taking a look around the room. 

Binders of files were strewn across the couch, all kinds of spy-gear splayed over the coffee table, laundry baskets piled up on the floor, a dish-filled sink, then Pony’s empty bowl. “You hungry, buddy?” He got up and went to the laundry room to find more full baskets and a nearly empty bag of dog food. He poured the tiny bit of food that was left in the bag into Pony’s bowl and apologized for the meager meal he provided him. 

As Pony scarfed down his crumbs, Logan opened the fridge to see if there had been anything he could eat. It didn’t take much of an investigation to realize the bare shelves would make it impossible to fix himself a sufficient meal. “Wanna go for a walk?” he asked the dog. He immediately regretted the premature offer. While quickly trying to tidy up, Pony cried, loud impatient puppy whimpers. “We’re going. We’re going!” He hurriedly clipped the leash to his collar and brought him out. 

After taking Pony for a decent walk that included a retraining in the most basic of obedience, and grabbing some essential groceries, Logan came home to finish all dishes in the overflowing sink and move on to the partially started laundry. He didn’t know where to begin but the basket full of sopping wet clothes, that was starting to get a smell, seemed like a good bet. 

Later while folding, what seemed like an endless amount of laundry, Logan stared out the window at the ocean littered with tourists. The kids outside were obnoxiously loud while they were enjoying the sun and it always made him think of the serenity of the house they once owned.  _ Why do we still live here? _ It was a question he asked himself far too often. It was exciting once. When they first reunited and the only thing they cared about was being together, it was a perfect little love nest. Overtime, the cramped space became less and less appealing. The floor-boards were starting to creak, you could almost always hear the guests below them and there was nothing about it that reflected either one of their personalities. Maybe it did at one time but now everything they owned was sitting in storage and it was looking back to its original Air bnb state. He brought up the idea of moving to Veronica once in the last couple months but it was met with anger so he stopped pushing. Determined to ease any of her stress, he dropped the topic and decided everything was easier when he conceded to her wishes. 

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

“ _ Daddy’s home? _ ” 

Whatever apprehension she may have had about Logan’s return had faded away the moment she saw his bag situated on the floor. Veronica rushed to the bedroom so quickly she practically swung herself on the door frame. Empty. When she peered into the spare room and noticed the surfboard, usually leaning in the corner of the room, was gone, she went straight for Pony’s leash. 

When Logan left a few weeks ago they weren’t in the best place. Even in close proximity, Veronica had never felt further away from him. She spent a significant amount of time thinking about his return. Would everything be magically fine again? Would it be awkward? What version of Logan would be returning home to her this time? 

Once Veronica made her way through the crowds of people and got closer to the shore, she scanned the water for that tall, California boy she called her own. She spotted him getting out of the water and smirked proudly as he ran his hand over his hair.  _ God, that swimsuit _ . Her eyes feasted on him while her mind hilariously thought of the James Bond theme song. Unsurprisingly, two girls nearby were ogling him which amused Veronica to no end. 

“Hey, blue trunks!” she called out with her hand against her cheek. 

Veronica once told herself, when women grow up they lose their butterflies. Reality and rationale takes over, hormones settle and boys don’t tingle the senses quite like they used to. When Logan noticed her, he smiled and she felt flutters of giddiness from deep within, her butterflies were alive and thriving. 

It wasn’t just the sun that had Logan squinting at her. Her leather jacket and boots were a stark contrast from all the scantily clad women on the beach and she looked very out of place. 

“Hey, there,” Logan said as he approached. Once he was closer, her getup looked even more ridiculous and he was surprised to see that she had cut her hair. The last time they Skyped, her hair had been nearing close to her elbows and now it was cut bluntly to her collarbone. This seemed like a bit of an oversight. Veronica normally told him everything going on in her life when she had the chance. Eight months ago she would have been chomping at the bit to tell him that she changed her toenail polish color. Logan was about to comment on it but Veronica made it pretty clear she preferred pretending she didn’t know him. 

“How much do you bench?” she asked immediately.  _ Really?  _

Logan glanced at the two girls standing next to her before he decided to go with the flow and gave her his full attention. “315?” Any moment of confusion he had was completely taken over by the relief he felt seeing her happy and playful. It had been a long time since Veronica wanted to play strangers and so he was determined to be the best improv partner he could be. 

“Good. So my refrigerator is broken or something…and it just so happens my neighbor from a few blocks away put a perfectly good one curbside. I assume it works, feel like carrying it into my apartment for me?” 

“What’s in it for me?” he asked while puffing out his chest, playing the perfect hulking himbo to Veronica’s utmost amusement. 

“A hand-job?” she shrugged, and received a delightful, shocked reaction from Logan’s bikini-clad spectators. 

“With eye-contact?” Logan asked without a beat. At this, he noticed an unmistakable sparkle in Veronica’s eyes. She was happy. She was so happy. 

“Fine. If you hang two other shelving units and carry my old refrigerator back down.” She laid it on thick, loving their usual banter, reveling in it, holding herself back from throwing herself into his arms. 

“What floor are you on?” Again, he could see a glint in her eyes. She was thrilled by his pace. 

“Third,” she said smugly. 

“Full-on sex,” he counter-offered coolly.  _ YES. _

“Sold. But I come first, no backdoor and I'm going to need a ride to work later.”  _ Jesus.  _

Logan thought for a second, straightened himself up, and got a better grip on his board, “How far away do you work?” Veronica's eyes practically shouted  _ YES YES YES!  _

“Are you going to keep talking this much? Because we could forget the whole thing.”

“Let’s go.” 

VVVVVVVV

The loud and annoying crowd of partiers just outside the door seem to completely disappear. All of Veronica’s senses were focused on Logan. She felt free and weightless the second he ditched his surfboard and they entered the apartment. She loved when he slid his hand into her hair. She loved when he took control. When he held the back of her head and pulled her lips towards his. She felt his passion and it provided the intense comfort that accompanied the safety she always felt when she was in his hands. She felt him smile in response to her kiss and knew she must have been mewing without realizing it. Suddenly her clothes felt cumbersome and restricting and she needed them off immediately. Thankfully, Logan felt the same way. He stood behind her and assisted in removing every piece as quickly as possible until she more closely matched his state of undress. Even with their fair share of reunions, Veronica couldn’t remember a time she was this excited to rip off his clothes or in this case, swim trunks. 

Veronica circled her arms around his neck and Logan moved against her, sliding his hands along her sides, reacquainting himself with her body. To Veronica’s surprise, instead of a gentle hold, and light touches he grasped her like she might slip away if he didn’t have a good enough grip. She had been worried she wouldn’t recognize the man who returned from deployment this time. When he left, she felt so far away from him and Skype calls had been infrequent and brief at best. The lack of communication between them stirred up a nonsensical paranoia in her. She asked herself silly questions. Would he pull away from me? Recoil at my touch? Right now it seemed absurd how she would ever worry herself with such pointless concerns. Afterall, this was the same guy who, as a horny teenage boy, could not think straight if she was showing even a millimeter of midriff . The same man that took her up against the kitchen wall because she simply asked him to stay. 

Veronica was so relieved that Logan was home and safe. But more importantly, she was relieved that he loved her with the same intensity she was used to. She closed her eyes and savored the moment. Not even the angry, purple bruise she found on his shoulder was going to ruin this for her. She gripped him tighter and tried to push any negative thoughts from entering her brain. 

When Logan carried her to their bed, his huge hands grasped her ass possessively, his face buried in her neck and she lifted her head in silent prayer.  _ Thank god!  _ Because this was the guy she remembered. 

On the bed they rolled around in the sheets. First, Logan on top. His  fingertips found where the material of her panties ended and her skin began, he slipped them off with a soft tickle, fingertips grazing the underneath of her thighs. Then  Veronica, holding his hands firmly against the mattress.  Her hair created a veil over his face as she kissed him senseless.  Veronica took a steadying breath when Logan sat up, bringing her with him. He placed a hand on both sides of her neck and leaned in to kiss her on the forehead. When he moved back his gaze was so intense she nearly looked away. His hand snaked around her ribcage, reaching around to unclasp her bra. As he did this, he moved slowly, watching her reaction, giving her time to stop him. He was pleasantly surprised there was no protest. She didn’t turn from him or insist he let her leave it on. She let the straps fall from her arms so he could see her. When he said, “I missed you,” she knew it meant more this time. 

Veronica knew Logan was completely infatuated with her breasts. When she was younger she had always been self-conscious of them. It wasn’t until he gave them the proper love they deserved that she had finally embraced their size. Veronica felt beautiful and desirable as he looked at both contemplatively, as if trying to decide which one deserved to be serviced first. Veronica let out a soft whimper and her hands ran through his hair as he took her nipple into his mouth. She gasped at the heat focused there. Her subsequent moans were breathy and excited Logan to no end. If she liked something, he went one step further to illicit that moan that gave him immense self-satisfaction. What thrilled him even more was watching her twist her hips in response to his touch. “Lay down.” He smiled against her chest. His warm breath giving her goosebumps. Veronica immediately laid back ready for whatever he had planned next. The anticipation was enough to drive her over the edge that she almost grabbed for his hand putting it right where she wanted it. But she didn’t have to; almost as quickly as she thought it, he was doing exactly what she wanted. “ _ Yeah _ ,” she moaned, feeling his fingers brushing over her core, dipping and testing her reaction. Gently spreading her arousal so she was slick with want. Veronica hissed when his thumb glided from the hood of her clit with a pressured stroke, then ran back over lightly, and again, back with pressure, panting harder every time he returned to the spot that made her toes curl. “OK!” she cried out. “Stop. I’m going to come.” She shivered and grasped his wrist. 

“Tell me what you want,” he said in a low voice, fingers still slipping and sliding with expertise. 

“You.” She answered then reached down to wrap her fingers around his cock. 

“You’ll have to be more specific,” he said, sounding completely unaffected by her firm and methodical strokes but his body responded in an instant as he twitched in her hand. A gentle laugh bubbled out of Veronica as she continued stroking. God she loved him. His warm eyes, smart-ass mouth, his perfect dick. “Ok. I’ll be more specific,” she whispered. “I want,” she squeezed him a little harder and received the most beautiful groan from Logan. “This,” she licked her lips, “ _ Inside me. _ ” She grasped his shoulders and pulled him down on top of her. Her legs hooked around his hips, both feeling each other. Him hard and eager, her wet and so slippery. It took one thrust against her and he was almost all the way there. Veronica cried out as she grabbed his hips pulling him closer, and then, he’s exactly where she wants him, as deep as he can possibly be. 

Soon Logan’s breaths were ragged and coated in pure pleasure. The constant moans of restraint reassured her that he was thoroughly enjoying himself. She loved that her body had this indescribable effect on him and she basked in the feeling, lifting her hips to take him in deeper. “ _ Like that? _ ” she whispered shakily against his ear. Now Logan had been so stoic and unaffected at times, nothing thrilled her more than feeling him lose a bit of control. He responded to her question with a louder groan and she grasped his face kissing him wide and wanting. When his tongue slid along the edge of hers she whimpered in want and forced his mouth wider. Her body went rigid when he grabbed her hips, driving her even closer to him and she was done for. She couldn’t concentrate on kissing him when her body was thrumming, she panted for air. Logan placed open mouthed kisses all up her neck and he grabbed hold of the headboard. His other arm slid underneath her, holding the entire small of her back off the bed with one large hand. He pulled her body against him while slamming himself deeper into her. Veronica’s eyes nearly rolled back into her head. She felt so close to that absolute nirvana that only one man could ever deliver. “ _ Ooh _ ..” She whimpered feeling so close but stilled herself from thrusting against him, biting her bottom lip firmly, holding back her own bliss in order to time it just right. He taught her edging a long time ago and she would be forever grateful for that lesson. It was probably the single most important education she received at her time at Hearst. Veronica let her hands roam over the expanse of his back and shoulder blades, one hand moved down, her fingertips gently skimming over the nape of his neck, his blood pumping so rapidly she could feel it buzzing against her skin. His excitement had always been her most gratifying turn on.  _ You like that? I know you like that.  _ Veronica knew Logan way too well. Ladies first. Always. If she wasn’t done neither was he. “Oh god,” she whined. And then she felt it, the sound that ripped through him, that ‘thank fuck’ grunt that sounded like pain followed his outstanding release. The vibration, low in his throat, only meant one thing and she shattered. 

Veronica gasped for air as all synapses in her brain were alight catapulting her into that familiar euphoric high. Logan collapsed, body finally recognizing how tired it had been when his mind wasn’t clouded with the promise of pleasure. Veronica smiled and stroked the back of his neck hoping he’d let them stay, connected just like this for a little longer, as their bodies slowly returned to their former stillness. He pressed a sweet, lingering kiss to her temple and she sighed basking in the relief of his love. After a moment, he moved some of his weight off her so they could continue to lay together. “Do you...” he gestured to a pillow. 

“Yeah.” Happiness and elation in her voice was veiled by her soft nonchalant laugh. He effortlessly situated her with the pillow and dropped a quick kiss to her hip. Instead of leaving or getting in the shower, he surprised Veronica when he lowered himself back down. He moved in close and kissed her lips, soft and tenderly before he rested his cheek against her chest. She let her fingernails gently drag through his hair at the nape of his neck where it was perfectly, military-grade faded and hummed blissfully. 

_ We’re okay.  _

VVVVVVVVVVV

After round two in the shower, they fumbled around the kitchen in desperate need of sustenance. Getting used to each other’s presence again usually resulted in a few stepped on toes and some mild annoyance while navigating the tiny kitchen. After two ridiculously stunning orgasms, Veronica didn’t think she could find anything annoying about Logan. She placed him up on the highest of pedestals and he wasn’t about to come down any time soon. He was perfect. 

“Oh I need the…” they bumped into one-another while trying to get something from the fridge. 

“You need…” she tried to help but they ended up in each other’s way once again. Veronica sighed with a sheepish smile. She wondered if they should just stay in the bedroom tonight. They didn’t seem to have trouble navigating that territory. “Ok. Here you go!” Logan found a good solution and she gasped in delight when he lifted her up and placed her on the counter. From that viewpoint she was able to properly examine her tanned and shirtless property. At the age when men naturally began to soften around their middles, her man had maintained the physique of a fantasy-come-to-life. Even highly satiated from their recent bedroom activities, her engines were still revving. She wanted more. While watching him make a sandwich, she bit her lip and let her eyes wander down his body, wondering how long before he’d be able to report for duty again. 

Sitting on the counter, Veronica kicked her feet lazily. “Thanks for getting groceries. I haven’t had a chance.” She casually combed through her damp hair with her fingers. 

“Yeah, I just noticed Po’ didn’t have any food left so I grabbed a few things.” 

“He’s not starving or anything,” as she made a face. 

“No, I know,” he smiled at her lovingly then moved in and positioned himself between her knees. Instinctively she brought her legs around him, locking him in place. Her heel gave him a playful kick in the butt. 

“Miss Mars, we came in here to eat something.” In mock scolding he took a firm grip of her thighs and she tipped her head back enjoying the feeling. 

“You’re right, we shouldn’t have sex in the kitchen anymore,” she whispered as he nuzzled her neck. 

“Why not?” he asked in a low growl while kissing her jawline. 

Veronica’s eyes widened as she thought back to the time her dad nearly caught them. Thankfully it was early in the morning and with one smooth-down of her night shirt and one upward tug of his sleep pants they were decent. Logan caught on to her expression and sighed. “Maybe we can put a restriction on daytime kitchen sex.” 

“Okay,” she agreed, letting her hands slip into the waistband of his pants. She glanced at the window, “Logan?” 

“Yeah?” 

“It’s nighttime,” she said impishly. 

“Stop distracting me,” he whined playfully then went back to the cutting board and began making her a sandwich. “ _ You eating enough? _ ” he muttered in a non-committal way like he might not even care to know the answer. “Yep.” Veronica answered immediately. She knew he had more interest in her answer than he led on. Logan looked up and his eyes locked on her. Finally his serious expression broke, he nodded then smiled at her sweetly. She smiled back awkwardly when something between them suddenly felt heavy. “I like it, uhmm,” he cleared his throat. “Your hair. It looks nice.” He smiled again and Veronica swallowed. “I uh...” he began. 

“ _ Felt like a change _ ,” she said quickly. “Logan, I can do this!” Veronica sidestepped the awkwardness by interrupting him. “Go sit down. You must be exhausted.” She pushed herself down off the counter and wedged her way between him and the counter. As Veronica finished cutting a slice of cucumber Logan reached over and threw it in his mouth. Then he did it again once she cut another slice. 

“Hey!” 

“Here, I know how you like it,” he grasped hold of her waist and pushed his lower half against her. She smirked at the contact and grinded herself into him. “Veronica, I know how you like it,” he said her name in a warning tone. 

“Oh you know how I like it?” she said suggestively, an impish smile pulled at her lips while she bumped her ass into him. 

“I know.” He smirked and grasped at her wrists to pull them away. “I’ll show you… Here, I’ll show you.” He tickled her rib cage making her giggle and squirm away from. 

“No, no,” she laughed while he added an obscene amount of cheese to her sandwich. Eventually she surrendered and let him take control. 

“See. This is how you like it.” He slid the plate in her direction and pressed a kiss to her cheek. “Hey Pony!” He got the dog’s attention then flung some deli ham to catch. 

Veronica bent down to Pony and grasped his face in her hands. “You love ham don’t you?” When she kissed the side of his snout. Logan wrapped her arms around her waist and pulled back against his strong chest. 

“Are you jealous?” she smirked as he pressed firm kisses to her cheek. 

“Maybe a little.” He kissed her cheek again and ran his hands down her arms. Veronica turned into him, her arms wrapping themselves around his neck. Logan placed his hands on her hips a respectful distance from her ass until they looked like teenagers at a dance. “Have we ever danced other than that one time in highschool when I saved you from Gia?” she tilted her chin up to him. Logan thought for a moment and shook his head. 

“Don’t think so.” He gently rocked on his heels until they nearly made a full rotation. Veronica stood on her tiptoes to kiss him and he wrapped his arms tightly around her body. 

“Do you want to, um,” he paused for a beat and Veronica knew what was coming. He was going to ask if she’d go to see Jane with him in the morning. 

“Man, that sandwich looks good!” Her eyes flitted away from him and settled on the plate. 

Once he released her, Veronica made her way to the couch to eat her sandwich and he reluctantly went to brush his teeth and get ready for bed. She expected this. There was no telling how long Logan had been awake for. She had interrogated him for information about his last trip while they were in bed. As always, digging for that information had been a hopeless endeavor. She hummed happily and tried to eat quickly so maybe they could sneak in a third session before he fell asleep. 

“I don’t suppose you want to tell me how you got that giant bruise on your shoulder, do you?” she broke the silence. 

“What bruise?” he asked. “Oh this bruise,” he walked in the hallway and contorted his body to show her the nasty dark bruise on his shoulder. “I fell off a motorcycle. Flew off the hood of a car.” Veronica rolled her eyes at him. 

“Tucked, rolled...” he gestured with his hand. 

Amused, she peered at him. “Yeah. I saw that Mission: Impossible too.” 

“Eh. I tried. Have you considered that maybe my life is just Mission: Impossible-esque?” 

“Consider it? I assume it!” She placed her plate on the coffee table and stealthily moved towards his bag that was sitting on the ground in front of her and began to dig into it. 

“There’s sand in your bag!” She rubbed her fingers together. “I knew you were in the Middle East,” she said proudly. 

“Or, I hate to bring up Occam’s razor here but maybe I set my bag down on the beach twenty feet outside your front door.” 

“No. This feels like Kuwaiti sand.” 

“You really shouldn’t be digging through the bag of a Naval intelligence officer.” 

“That’s what you say you are. I’m still thinking you’re an international playboy breaking hearts in exotic lands.”

“Sounds like you should lock me down.” He went back into the bathroom to finish brushing his teeth. He smirked to himself thinking he could not have created a more perfect opportunity to propose. 

“Be careful. Some girls might think you’re proposing marriage. Or in words you can understand,” she put on her bro-voice “ _ An Echolls ultimatum. _ ” She kept digging through the bag for any sign of where he might have been. It was the ultimate mystery and she always enjoyed guessing even if she knew he would probably never get him to confirm actual locations. 

Logan tried to think of a time he alluded to thinking of marriage as an ultimatum. He figured Veronica may have heard that from Dick. His past reservations about marriage had never been about Veronica and he thought she knew that. 

“No, you had it right the first time: marriage. I just forgot what it was called. Let’s get married.” He said it with such ease it made her chuckle. 

“Okay, weirdo. Let’s get married,” she said sarcastically. 

“I’m serious.” He stared into the mirror and waited hoping she would find the ring. 

“If you were serious, you’d be in the same room as your intended. And there would be a ring involved, or so I'm told.” She continued looking through his belongings. 

“How many pockets have you searched?” Finally his words registered and Veronica turned and looked up at him with an incredulous expression. 

“Pocket on the right,” he said quietly. 

_ No.  _

Veronica placed her hand in the right pocket and felt around until she made contact with the smooth metal. She slowly pulled the ring out and stared at it.

_ No.  _

“WTC, dude.” She held it up and out of her sight. Logan plucked it from her hand. Then he walked around, and kneeled in front of her. 

“Hey. I think it goes something like this...” he said softly. 

_ No. _

It was amazing how something Veronica had wanted so desperately, just a year ago, had transformed into something she now desperately  _ didn’t _ want. Unable to string together any words she swallowed hard when Logan took hold of her hand. “Veronica...” he began. Her heart thumped in her chest in an overwhelming way that made her feel sick. This was everything her fantasy was not. 

There was a time when just the idea of him getting on one knee would have made her bawl. It would have put a lump in her throat. A good lump, a lump that stifled her words and allowed him to say everything he needed to say before he asked if she’d spend the rest of her life with him. Now she felt a rush of misplaced adrenaline and knew she had to stop him before he said anything else. Veronica wanted to be rescued from this moment because as soon as those four words came out of his mouth, she would say yes.  _ YES YES YES.  _

The heavy, familiar feeling started behind her eyes and it suddenly became unbearably clear why this moment did not feel right to her. It felt like Logan was offering her commitment since their previous commitment had been lost. It felt like a promise wrapped up in a backup plan.

“Stop. Stop..don’t. Please,” her eyes shone with tears as she pleaded with him. “We don’t need this. We don’t need...” she felt hot and uneasy. “Why would...” she started to stumble over her words. “We’re not getting married. I thought we were on the same page about that. We talked about this, right?”

“...Yeah,” Logan’s face fell. 

She swiped at her eyes and looked for anything to give reason to decline. If she agreed to marriage it felt like she was accepting an alternative to the life they planned for. To solidify the commitment that was slowly slipping away from them. “Look at my parents... _ look at your parents. _ Every day I go to work and watch married people destroy each other, so um...no,” she swallowed and shook her head.

“Veronica, I,” he began. 

“I, um,” Veronica’s eyes flitted around the room looking anywhere that wasn’t at him. “I have to go meet my dad at the City Council meeting. I promised him.” 

Logan, still holding the ring between his fingers, tried to get her to stay. “Can we just talk, please?” 

“I gotta go...” she grabbed her jacket and slipped out the door. 

“Veronica, please.” 

“I have to go,” she repeated before she left. 

VVVVVV

Keith was understandably confused by Veronica’s displeasure about the proposal. After the City Council meeting he stopped her in the parking lot and delved further, “What? Was the diamond not big enough?” he joked. Veronica’s eyes narrowed. “I guess I just don’t understand, Honey. I kind of assumed this was the road you’d be going down at some point.” 

“Oh no...no,” closing her eyes, visibly irritated with her father. “Did you give him your blessing?” she opened the car door and held on to it tightly. 

“Oh, now I'm the bad guy? What was I supposed to say?” 

“You know how I feel about marriage! Look at you and Lianne.” 

“Veronica, I'm the divorced one and I don’t even feel as strongly opposed to marriage as you do. Have you ever considered I just wasn’t your mom’s Logan? Marriages aren’t all doomed to fail. Look, you were very committed to sharing your life with Logan  _ forever _ last year.”

“Can you not?” she interrupted him and rolled her eyes before getting into the car. 

“Honey...” he said sweetly. 

“Dad...” she matched his tone but filled it with sarcasm. 

“How did he take it?” He asked sadly, his head tilted to the side. 

“He was thrilled!” she said sarcastically. “What do you mean?!” Aggravated by the question she scoffed, surely it was no mystery how Logan had taken it. 

“I mean. Are you...” he inhaled trying to lighten the words so they didn’t sound too harsh. “Is this it?” he asked with concern. 

“Is this...?” Veronica’s eyes darted around, confused and frustrated with his question. “No! No, we’re not breaking up.” She grasped the bottom of the steering wheel tightly. 

“Does he know that?” 

“Oh my  _ god _ ,” she groaned, not letting her mind wander to that possibility. 

“Veronica, you told him you didn’t want to marry him. Do you think it’s unbelievable that he might feel like your relationship is over?” 

“Jesus,” she rolled her eyes, still not allowing herself to access the part of her brain where that could ever be true. He would never leave her. NEVER.  _ He wouldn’t. _ _ No. Nope. _ No. 

With as much nonchalance as she could muster, she continued. “You don’t understand this,” she said calmly. “Logan and I were never getting married. We had a plan and it did not involve marriage and I still don’t know what compelled him to do this.” 

Keith looked confused. The answer to that seemed so simple to him. “Drive safe, Honey,” he said. 

When Veronica finally arrived home, all the lights were off. Logan’s 5am wake-ups usually had him yawning by nine thirty and asleep by ten. She brushed her teeth quietly, using the flashlight on her phone to illuminate the bathroom. She didn’t want to risk the light pouring under the door. It would have beamed into their bedroom and would most definitely wake him. Veronica convinced herself she was being considerate but if she was honest, she didn’t want to wake him in case he decided it would be a good time to talk. When she tip-toed into the bedroom she found an empty bed with freshly cleaned sheets, smoothed, fluffed, folded and tucked, with military precision. 

A wave of emotion rushed over her when she realized he was gone. A prick in the back of her neck brought back that heavy feeling behind her eyes. She sat on the edge of the bed and rested her face in her hands trying to figure out what to do. Her heart was racing, her face felt hot as her mind rushed over all the things her dad had just said to her. Then there was nothing she could do to prevent herself from crying. When she heard the unmistakable sound of the sliding door to the balcony open, she gasped with relief and went straight to the dresser to put on her pajamas. Frantically, she wiped at her face to remove any evidence of tears. 

“Hey,” he said sweetly. The sound of his voice melted away the tension in her shoulders as if she took a fast-acting muscle relaxant. Her breathing had started to return to normal. 

Veronica looked up from the dresser drawer, “Hey.” With a delicate smile, she gathered all the composure she could and pretended she knew he had been there the whole time. Thankful that the lights were low she sniffed and cleared her throat to mask any sign she had been crying and forced herself not to rush into his arms. If he knew she was crying he would wrap himself around her and force her to speak about all the things she could not handle. She had been down that hellish road so many times and she was determined to never go down it again. And worse still, if her words had brought the slightest tear to his eye she’d run.  _ I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.  _

“How was the meeting?” he asked, as he went to his side of the bed. 

“It was okay,” she mumbled before gently untucking the duvet and slipping into the sheets. Veronica turned from him and Logan moved in beside her, so close they were spooning. Silently, Veronica took a slow breath that brought a subtle sense of relief. She lifted his arm from where it rested on the top of the duvet and pulled it around her protectively. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, then waited for the conversation he was bound to initiate. She was ready for it now and braced herself. 

“Don’t be,” he said easily, then kissed behind her ear. 

Veronica was surprised he didn’t want to talk. She was ashamed to admit it but she didn’t want him to be accommodating. She didn’t want him to be so fucking understanding.

VVVVVVVVVVV

Veronica laid awake. Her body was riddled with fatigue but her mind was still running through the events of the day. One event in particular that she could not make sense of. She kept wondering what would cause him to drop on one knee now. He had plenty of opportunities in the past but for some reason yesterday had been the day he chose. 

They left the blinds open so the moonlight outlined Logan’s features and she could see a clear picture of how peaceful he looked. She smiled at him with adoration. Many of her friends complained of their spouses snoring, but she couldn’t relate. Logan always slept like an angel. 

She watched intently as his lips gently twitched and she smiled sadly. When he was sleeping, his lips always reminded her of her baby. Even though their little undercooked creature had few discernible features, she still had some undeniable traits that told everyone who she belonged to. With those lips and that peach fuzz hair, Veronica had painted a picture in her mind. She was certain, Riley was destined for towheaded adorableness. A perfect mix of the two of them. All Veronica’s sharper features gently smoothed out by Logan’s softer ones. The color of her eyes had obviously been undecipherable but the same instinct that told her she was a girl, told her they’d be blue. Veronica wiped her damp cheeks onto her pillow case, heartbroken that she’d never get the chance to find out. 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading xo


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